Dave Pundit's Predictions 12/09/09

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people are building up England's chances for the World Cup after their destruction of Croatia. But quite frankly we should be beating tinpot countries like that. I mean where the hell is Croatia? When I played for Northern Ireland we would have to face real countries like Germany, Italy and Yugoslavia.

Blackburn v Wolverhampton
When Wolves looked at the fixture list they would have been dreading this encounter. Big Sam will tell his plays to literally go out and eat Wolves for breakfast. Wolves will have to be prepared for a real battle here and I don't think they'll be up to it. Does their manager have a nickname? No. In fact I barely know who he is.
Verdict 2-0

Liverpool v Burnley
Burnley haven't got a hope have they? Fresh from his single-handed demolition of Croatia Steven Gerrard will crush Burnley like the ants they are. Let's face it there's no chance of Burnley ever beating a top four team.
Verdict 3-0

Man City v Arsenal
If Man City want to break into the top four they'll have to win the big games. And this is an ideal way to prepare themselves for those big games. Arsenal have proven time and time again that they're just a bunch of diving foreigners. Let's hope Man City don't get suckered by Arsenal's evil players like Eduardo. Is there a worse person on the face of the earth? No.
Verdict 2-1

Portsmouth v Bolton
Both teams will be looking at this game to kickstart their seasons. It'll be a rip-snorting clash, with every player giving their all for the full 90 minutes plus injury time, which there's bound to be a ton of. It'll be exciting, violent and wonderful. The sort of game football was made for. I can't hype it up enough. This will be magnificent.
Verdict 0-0

Stoke v Chelsea
I have a lot of time for Stoke. They did fantastically last season and beat the drop comfortably without ever having to resort to playing football. But they've met their match in that department with Chelsea. If John Terry went out their on his own Chelsea would still win. But then that applies to every Chelsea game. In fact perhaps they should try it, those other players are clearly holding Terry back.
Verdict 0-2

Sunderland v Hull
Is there a more English name than Steve Bruce? Think of all the famous English Bruce's, Bruce Forsyth and Robert the Bruce. That's about it actually. But the point is still valid. Steve Bruce is as English as they come and that will stand him in good stead. Phil Brown is also English but he's tanned like a Spaniard, so Sunderland have the edge.
Verdict 1-0

Wigan v West Ham
This is a match between two proud clubs that have had their heritage ruined by employing foreign managers. I'm glad there weren't any foreigners in my day. I imagine both manager will want their teams to play free-flowing, attractive football. I hate games like that it makes me want to just walk on the pitch, break someones leg and then go down the pub. Just like the old days.
Verdict 2-2

Tottenham v Man Utd
The game of the weekend, no doubt. Two teams with great English spines. Woodgate, Huddlestone and Keane vs Rooney, Carrick and Evans. What a prospect. Those lads have spines like Superman. Unbreakable. But one of them will have to snap, like Christopher Reeve. And it'll be Tottenham, because Man Utd are the Champions, it's as simple as that.
Verdict 1-2

Birmingham v Aston Villa
Not quite northern enough to be counted as a proper derby game but it should be a cracker nonetheless. With McLeish and O'Neill up against it could be described as a real battle of Britain but O'Neill is Irish so that would be inaccurate. It should still be a good duel though.
Verdict 1-1

Fulham v Everton
Both of these teams look like they could struggle to match last seasons lofty heights. However with a bit of graft I can see Everton managing to snatch 5th spot. And Fulham will probably have to settle for about 7th or something. However both teams will be settling for a draw in this match.
Verdict 1-1