Dave Pundit's Predictions 10/09/11

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Recovering from my death has been no bed of roses I can tell you. For a start it's hard to claim benefits when you're legally dead. Now I'm no scrounger, not like those immigrants who come over here and steal our jobs, but I gave 10 years of my life to football and even paid tax for some of it so I think I'm owed a bit back. Worse than that though is that I've been removed from the Anfield Alumni list and all the privileges that come with it. No longer can I park for free anywhere in Liverpool. No longer am I allowed to book a room at the Adelphi per hour and apparently it seems I'm no longer welcome to turn up at Jason McAteer's house at three in the morning with a stripper dressed as a nun on my arm and crash in his spare room. His elderly mother sleeps in there now it seems.

Arsenal v Swansea
It was proved in mid-week that England are far stronger than Wales, but it's yet to be seen how Arsenal's Frenchies will fare. Perhaps if Arsenal had one Englishman in their squad - or a Welshman even, they wouldn't have been humiliated by Man Utd but they don't so I can't see them beating Swansea - who's very presence in the league is a disgrace - either.
Verdict 1-1

Everton v Aston Villa
After the last prediction it's good to be dealing with solid, English teams again with solid English managers. Moyes and McLeish will both be desperate to prove that their clubs can cope with selling their best players, and Arteta. This should be a real barn stormer.
Verdict 0-0

Man City v Wigan
Man City have clearly tried to buy the title and I for one don't think it should be allowed. Foreign owners flashing the cash is the biggest scourge in football. God knows who owns Wigan but I guess they're foreign. Why else would they hire Martinez. Sadly City will destroy them.
Verdict: 4-0

Stoke v Liverpool
As admirable as Stoke's attempts to buy everyone in football who is over 6' 2" is they will still be no match for the mighty Liverpool who's new owner has come in and wisely decided to buy the title. Top bloke.
Verdict
Verdict: 0-2

Sunderland v Chelsea
Sunderland have been very busy in the transfer window and have brought in some good, experienced, British grit in the shape of Wes Brown and John O'Shea but they'll still be no match for the true grit of John Terry. Although I must say when I saw True Grit I was a little disappointed, it didn't really show any of the best moments of John Terry's life. Winning the double, captaining England, mocking victims of 9/11, it left out all the heroic moments. Who knew he'd spent so much time as a cowboy though?
Verdict: 0-3

Wolverhampton v Tottenham
Wolves have made a fantastic start to the season. And that's all down to Mick McCarthy. Personally I think he's a shoe-in for the England job when Capello leaves. It's about time we went for someone who's England through and through rather than someone with managerial ability. Spurs have made a terrible start to the season but that's no fault of Redknapp. The famous wheeler dealer had his hands tied in the market so couldn't improve his squad. He should be given the England job where he can really utilise those skills.
Verdict: 2-2

Bolton v Man Utd
What a start to the season it has been for Man Utd, a lot of people questioned whether they had enough creativity in midfield but they forget that creating chances isn't what football's about. It's about having an English spine and Man Utd have that in spades. Rooney, Cleverley and Johnny Evans they're the future of England, trust me. I just can't see Bolton getting anything here, Man Utd scored 8 last time out but that never happens twice.
Verdict: 1-9

Norwich v West Brom
This is what Premiership football is all about. Two clubs who don't really deserve to be there battling it out in a game only about 12 people care about. It makes you proud to be English. Norwich should pip this due to West Brom's bizarre appointment of Roy Hodgson. Why must these clubs all go for foreign managers?
Verdict: 1-0

Fulham v Blackburn
What a super Sunday line up this is. No poncing about with players playing football on God's day with these games. I can see Blackburn really getting stuck in here and if Fulham leave with all their legs unbroken they should be given 3 points purely for their physical strength.
Verdict: 0-0

QPR v Newcastle
This game is really only interesting for the return of Joey Barton to Newcastle. Barton is my kind of footballer. No nonsense, violent and with a hair trigger. He was quite right to attack Gervinho for diving. God knows why Barton's gone to QPR though. Perhaps the proper clubs didn't like his tendency to put stupid quotes on that Tweeter thing. As Winston Churchill once said: Actions speak louder than words. Barton should go back to stubbing cigars out in people's eyes. Nothing speaks louder than that.
Verdict: 1-2