Dave Pundit's Season Preview

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. As the great Winston Churchill once said "Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated." It was touch and go for a while though. In fact my heart stopped for about 112 days. I'll tell you what when you wake up in a coffin you thank your lucky stars your blood/alcohol levels were far too high for you to be cremated. But I knew I had to dig my way out of the hole, I'd left most of a pint on the bar. Anyway you might wonder why I didn't come back and start punditing straight away, with my death my punditry licence had expired so I had to drum up another five grand to renew it. Luckily my brother Julian was more than happy to be pimped out for my needs so here I am back and raring to go for the new season. Here are my predictions:

Champions: Chelsea.

People say to me that they've got an ageing team but a wise man, probably Winston Churchill, once said you don't win anything with kids and that's never been proved wrong. Plus Chelsea still have the world's greatest Englishman, John Terry. He ages like a fine wine. He's robust, full of character and likes to get women drunk.

Runners Up: Liverpool

Having finally got rid of a long line of foreign managers; Gerard Houllier, Rafa Benitez and Roy Hodgson (God knows where he was from but I couldn't understand a single word he said.) Liverpool have finally got some good British grit in. From the chairman to the manager Liverpool are back to being English through and through. And it shows with the signings they've made no one knows how to find a bargain like King Kenny. £20m for Downing? He's an England international for crying out loud. If Arsenal can ask for £40m for a Spanish squad player surely Downing should be worth twice that. Well done Kenny, astute as ever.

FA Cup and Champions League: Man Utd

What can you say about Man Utd that hasn't been said before? That they're better than Barcelona that's what. They'll walk the Champions League this year, Barcelona may have the likes of Messi, Xavi and that Biscuits bloke but Man Utd have Rooney, Young and Ferdinand now look at those and ask yourself who are the real world beaters? Man Utd will truly prove they can beat anyone in Europe when they win the FA Cup too.

Carling Cup: Stoke

They've tasted success and they'll want more. Their no-nonsense approach to football will once again show all those fancy dans who think passing has a place in our national sport that they're wrong. As wrong as having a mixer with your whiskey.

Relegation: Swansea, West Brom, Wigan

Usually I'd have Arsenal in there but there place as the league's least British team has been trumped by Swansea. A Welsh team in the English Premier League? It's ridiculous. I mean it was bad enough when they let Newcastle in. Let's hope Swansea go back to where they belong - Cardiff. Wigan will struggle with the foreign Martinez and West Brom will have no chance with Foreign Woy in charge.