Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. As the great Winston Churchill once said "Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated." It was touch and go for a while though. In fact my heart stopped for about 112 days. I'll tell you what when you wake up in a coffin you thank your lucky stars your blood/alcohol levels were far too high for you to be cremated. But I knew I had to dig my way out of the hole, I'd left most of a pint on the bar. Anyway you might wonder why I didn't come back and start punditing straight away, with my death my punditry licence had expired so I had to drum up another five grand to renew it. Luckily my brother Julian was more than happy to be pimped out for my needs so here I am back and raring to go for the new season. Here are my predictions:
Champions: Chelsea.
People say to me that they've got an ageing team but a wise man, probably Winston Churchill, once said you don't win anything with kids and that's never been proved wrong. Plus Chelsea still have the world's greatest Englishman, John Terry. He ages like a fine wine. He's robust, full of character and likes to get women drunk.
Runners Up: Liverpool
Having finally got rid of a long line of foreign managers; Gerard Houllier, Rafa Benitez and Roy Hodgson (God knows where he was from but I couldn't understand a single word he said.) Liverpool have finally got some good British grit in. From the chairman to the manager Liverpool are back to being English through and through. And it shows with the signings they've made no one knows how to find a bargain like King Kenny. £20m for Downing? He's an England international for crying out loud. If Arsenal can ask for £40m for a Spanish squad player surely Downing should be worth twice that. Well done Kenny, astute as ever.
FA Cup and Champions League: Man Utd
What can you say about Man Utd that hasn't been said before? That they're better than Barcelona that's what. They'll walk the Champions League this year, Barcelona may have the likes of Messi, Xavi and that Biscuits bloke but Man Utd have Rooney, Young and Ferdinand now look at those and ask yourself who are the real world beaters? Man Utd will truly prove they can beat anyone in Europe when they win the FA Cup too.
Carling Cup: Stoke
They've tasted success and they'll want more. Their no-nonsense approach to football will once again show all those fancy dans who think passing has a place in our national sport that they're wrong. As wrong as having a mixer with your whiskey.
Relegation: Swansea, West Brom, Wigan
Usually I'd have Arsenal in there but there place as the league's least British team has been trumped by Swansea. A Welsh team in the English Premier League? It's ridiculous. I mean it was bad enough when they let Newcastle in. Let's hope Swansea go back to where they belong - Cardiff. Wigan will struggle with the foreign Martinez and West Brom will have no chance with Foreign Woy in charge.
Showing posts with label new season. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new season. Show all posts
Friday, 5 August 2011
Monday, 3 August 2009
Dave Pundit On The New Season
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. People often ask me how do I get through the dull, monotony of the summer without football to keep me entertained. Well it's really quite simple. When I get to the pub in the morning I go straight on to hard liquor rather than having a few beers first like I would during the season.
The Community Shield is less than a week away and the traditional curtain raiser will herald in a bright new season. In my day it was known as the Charity Shield which I found much more preferable. As an ex-footballer I was always more than happy to do my bit for charity. However, if I wanted to lend my services to the community I wouldn't have bribed the judge to let me off when I was up on a trumped up charge last month. The day I accept that it's illegal to follow your ex-wife back to her house, make a bivouac in her garden and scream up at her window about how she ruined your life is the day I die.
Of course I'm not the only one to have their day in court this summer. Steven Gerrard was also up in front of a judge. I find it truly ridiculous. First John Terry gets done for punching a bouncer and now this. They're English heroes, people. If they can't go around punching people in the face then who can? It's political correctness gone mad.
But we can put all this behind us now the football season is nearly here. It's been an exciting close season on the transfer front. Man City have spent big and not always wisely however I do think Gareth Barry will be a fine addition to their British contingent of Richards, Dunne and Given.
Man Utd have lost Ronaldo but have signed Michael Owen who I think has the ability to be even better than Ronaldo. He's suffered a lot with injuries but he's a proven goalscorer and he showed his true English grit by hating life in Madrid so much that he chose to live in Newcastle instead.
Of the other top four contenders Liverpool have the best chance and they will want to improve on last season and I think they have every chance. A friend told me this summer that he blamed Robbie Keane for Liverpool missing out last year. He called him an Irish buffoon. I was shocked and appalled. Robbie Keane is Irish? He's been lying to us all this time. Well Liverpool are better off without him.
You can't rule out Chelsea of course. With John Terry in defence they don't need any marquee signings. What loyalty he showed when he turned down Man City. Quite frankly City's attempts to just throw money at players to get them to play for a team with no history or pedigree is disgusting. John Terry is far better off at Chelsea.
Arsenal finished fourth last year but you can write them off this year. They've bought one player and he's foreign, young and not tall enough. When will they learn.
Finally what about the teams that have come up? Well I haven't really paid much attention to them in the past because everyone knows the Premiership is the only league that counts. However last time Birmingham were in the top flight they effectively ended Arsenal's push for the title when they broke Eduardo's leg so I felt it was harsh to force them to go down in the first place. Let's hope they maintain the violent tackling this season and stay up in the Premier league where they belong.
Here's to another year of gritty, determined football and horror challenges on fancy dans. That's what the British public want to see.
The Community Shield is less than a week away and the traditional curtain raiser will herald in a bright new season. In my day it was known as the Charity Shield which I found much more preferable. As an ex-footballer I was always more than happy to do my bit for charity. However, if I wanted to lend my services to the community I wouldn't have bribed the judge to let me off when I was up on a trumped up charge last month. The day I accept that it's illegal to follow your ex-wife back to her house, make a bivouac in her garden and scream up at her window about how she ruined your life is the day I die.
Of course I'm not the only one to have their day in court this summer. Steven Gerrard was also up in front of a judge. I find it truly ridiculous. First John Terry gets done for punching a bouncer and now this. They're English heroes, people. If they can't go around punching people in the face then who can? It's political correctness gone mad.
But we can put all this behind us now the football season is nearly here. It's been an exciting close season on the transfer front. Man City have spent big and not always wisely however I do think Gareth Barry will be a fine addition to their British contingent of Richards, Dunne and Given.
Man Utd have lost Ronaldo but have signed Michael Owen who I think has the ability to be even better than Ronaldo. He's suffered a lot with injuries but he's a proven goalscorer and he showed his true English grit by hating life in Madrid so much that he chose to live in Newcastle instead.
Of the other top four contenders Liverpool have the best chance and they will want to improve on last season and I think they have every chance. A friend told me this summer that he blamed Robbie Keane for Liverpool missing out last year. He called him an Irish buffoon. I was shocked and appalled. Robbie Keane is Irish? He's been lying to us all this time. Well Liverpool are better off without him.
You can't rule out Chelsea of course. With John Terry in defence they don't need any marquee signings. What loyalty he showed when he turned down Man City. Quite frankly City's attempts to just throw money at players to get them to play for a team with no history or pedigree is disgusting. John Terry is far better off at Chelsea.
Arsenal finished fourth last year but you can write them off this year. They've bought one player and he's foreign, young and not tall enough. When will they learn.
Finally what about the teams that have come up? Well I haven't really paid much attention to them in the past because everyone knows the Premiership is the only league that counts. However last time Birmingham were in the top flight they effectively ended Arsenal's push for the title when they broke Eduardo's leg so I felt it was harsh to force them to go down in the first place. Let's hope they maintain the violent tackling this season and stay up in the Premier league where they belong.
Here's to another year of gritty, determined football and horror challenges on fancy dans. That's what the British public want to see.
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