Dave Pundit's Predictions 09/05/09

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. As the season draws to a close we can only thank our lucky stars that we aren't Spanish, their season goes on for ages, or from some weird northern country like Norway. Their season has only just begun. Football's fantastic, don't get me wrong, but you don't want it to get in the way of summer days in a beer garden do you? Still some games still have some meaning so I suppose I should probably keep on predicting scores and stuff.

Blackburn v Portsmouth
Do you know I'd never heard of Paul Hart until he took over Pompey? And do you know why? It's because he's a nobody. Sam Allardyce on the other hand has the word 'big' as a prefix to his name therefore he must be a somebody. When I was at Tranmere they called me 'Dangerous' Dave, and not just because I nearly killed three squad members in a freak car accident. I also broke a guys leg in training. Nicknames are the way forward.
Verdict 2-0

Bolton v Sunderland
Sunderland have struggled more than a bag full of kittens thrown into a river recently. Whereas Bolton have fought like dogs to stay out of the relegation places. Let's face it we all know what happens when dogs fight cats, carnage. Let's hope that rings true for this game.
Verdict 1-1

Everton v Tottenham
Everton are virtually assured of a place in Europe next season but let's not take that away from them. They've been one of the four or five best teams in the country and I think sixth place will do their performances justice. However they may struggle against Spurs who, outside of the top four, are probably the best team in the country. Can Everton's defence match Robbie Keane for British steel? I think not.
Verdict 0-1

Fulham v Aston Villa
If you'd offered Villa 5th place at the start of the season they'd have bitten your hand off, so it's probably just as well you didn't offer it to them isn't it? Could you survive without a hand? I know I couldn't. I've been married three times, my hand is all the pleasure I get.
Verdict 1-1

Hull v Stoke
Stoke have done brilliantly to all but secure a Premiership place next season, but let's face it this is a lower league match and no amount of pundit flim-flammery is going to change that.
Verdict 0-1

West Brom v Wigan
Why West Brom maintain the pretence that they might stay up is beyond me. They can play all the lovely passing football they want but it wont win them games. I never learnt to pass in my life and I played for Liverpool almost six times. Wigan will stroll this one.
Verdict 0-0

West Ham v Liverpool
West Ham might as well not bother turning up for this one. Rafa Benitez is a good foot taller than Gianfranco Zola and the Liverpool team are even taller. They're literally heads and shoulders above West Ham.
Verdict 0-2

Man Utd v Man City
Sir Alex Ferguson v Mark Hughes. It's like an episode of The Apprentice if only Alan Sugar knew anything about football. Having said that, does Hughes have a knighthood? No. A Man Utd win it is. Sir Alan Sugar would probably approve, he looks like the sort of type who'd support Man Utd. Knights of the realm tend to stick together.
Verdict 2-1

Arsenal v Chelsea
Being knocked out of the semi-finals of the Champions League will have really knocked the stuffing out of Chelsea, so Arsenal will have the advantage here. However, they won't have John Terry. He's not the sort of player to miss out on a Champions League medal and cry about it. He's as strong as an ox. Maybe two. I'm not really sure how strong oxen are.
Verdict 1-2

Newcastle v Middlesbrough
It would be a cowardly pundit that predicted this make or break match to be a draw.
Verdict 1-1