Dave Pundit's Predictions 24/05/09

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. The last day of the season is often one of the most tense days for the players. You just have to go out and play your natural game and hope you don't pick up a bad injury before your holiday to Spain. One year I broke three fingers on the last day of the season, it was awful, have you ever tried pinching a Spanish waitresses bum with your fingers wrapped in bandages. It's time like that I wish I was ambidextrous.

Arsenal v Stoke
Arsenal only have a couple of good players; Walcott and Gibbs but hopefully they'll be able to add to the English contingent over the summer either that or just go and play in France where they belong. Stoke have lots of tall players so they should give Arsenal's foreign midgets a hard time here.
Verdict 1-2

Aston Villa v Newcastle
Can Newcastle stay up? Yes. Do any of the other teams have a local hero managing them? No. Sometimes football is as simple as that. You can go around complicating it by not allowing back passes or two footed tackles but somethings never change and local heroes are one of those things. Look at Liverpool in their pomp players like Dalglish, Souness and Hansen would've given anything for their local club.
Verdict 0-1

Blackburn v West Brom
This will be West Brom's toughest challenge in their short Premier League careers. In some ways they're lucky they've already gone down you wouldn't want to go to fortress Ewood needing three points on the last day the only thing West Brom will get here is literally the most violent beating of their lives.
Verdict 2-0

Fulham v Everton
Fulham will be looking to secure the final Europa cup spot or whatever they're blooming calling it now. I mean what's the point of that? Who'd want to play in something called Europa? They could at least call it the Europa and Britain cup. I think our continent needs the recognition too.
Verdict 1-1

Hull v Man Utd
Will Man Utd field a weakened team? Who cares, they're the champions the can do what they like. What's the point in winning if you can't then treat the rest of the losers with contempt?
Verdict 0-2

Liverpool v Tottenham
Liverpool will have to be wary of Tottenham's British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane, I just hope Rafa has done his homework on them. Keane especially could be an unknown force to the Liverpool boss.
Verdict 2-1

Man City v Bolton
Does this game matter? Of course it does, it involves Bolton. Man City will know they've been in a game here. Unless they're unconscious, which is a possibility when facing the likes of Kevin Davies. Now I've stopped playing I can appreciate what these games are about; crippling an opposing player just because you've heard they'll be going somewhere nicer than you on holiday. What's wrong with two weeks on a cheap package holiday in Spain? Nothing. At least you can get a proper English breakfast.
Verdict 0-0

Sunderland v Chelsea
Poor Sunderland, the last day of the season and still needing 3 points to guarantee safety and then they come up against John Terry. Let's face it John Terry is as likely to give away three points as I am to give up my anal virginity.
Verdict 0-2

West Ham v Middlesbrough
I'd never ask for a manager's head but both these guys should go. Southgate because he's rubbish and Zola because he's an ugly little Italian midget. Both of them would probably rather see good, attractive football than the proper British game.
Verdict 1-1

Wigan v Portsmouth
You know what? Who cares?
Verdict 0-0