Dave Pundit's Predictions 21/11/09

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Once again we have seen the French bringing the game into disrepute. Is there a more foreign nation than the French? I don't think so. And once again it's an honest British team that loses out. Quite frankly I abhor any kind of cheating or unfair play. If I'd been on the pitch I wouldn't have gone bleating to the ref I'd've just punched Thierry Henry square in the face.

Liverpool v Man City
Steven Gerrard should be back for Liverpool and that will make this a walk in the park for Liverpool. Man City might have bought top class players all over the pitch but Liverpool have Steven Gerrard. If he'd been French they'd never have never needed to cheat to win. But thankfully Gerrard is English so he never cheats.
Verdict 2-0

Birmingham v Fulham
Birmingham haven't been the leg-breaking, head-butting, violent machine that they were last time they were up. I, for one, am very disappointed in them. I don't wish injuries on anyone except the French but if Birmingham want to stay up this year they're going to have to get cracking.
Verdict 1-1

Burnley v Aston Villa
Thank God the premiership can still produce matches like this. Both teams built around strong English spines. Not a Frenchman in sight. But Villa will just edge it because even the foreign players they have are like Brits. Take Carew for example, he's a strong battling forward who's not afraid to get stuck in to a stripper. And his name's John. Are we sure he's foreign?
Verdict 1-2

Chelsea v Wolves
Now this is just unfair. Even if Wolverhampton played a team consisting of real wolves they'd still lose against John Terry. He literally eats wolves for breakfast and then he defecates lions. That's how British he is. He'll destroy Wolves single handedly and then give Malouda a slap for his part in the Irish travesty.
Verdict 3-0

Hull v West Ham
Hull have a British manager. West Ham have an Italian and they're almost French. In fact they might even be more French. Take the Second World War, they fought with the Germans, swapped sides and then pretty much surrendered. How French can you get?
Verdict 1-0

Sunderland v Arsenal
I just can't see Sunderland winning this one I'm afraid. Arsenal will have seen Thierry Henry literally get away with murder and they'll do exactly the same here, like the cheating French capitulators that they are. Let's hope the ref is strong and Sunderland might scrape a draw.
Verdict 1-1

Man Utd v Everton
Now this is more like it. Two good English teams duking it out. That's hat football should be about. And not a French man in sight. In fact I doubt either of these teams has ever played a French man. And thank God for that.
Verdict 2-1

Bolton v Blackburn
The game of the weekend no doubt. Talk about bloodbath this will be a blood swimming pool. Or an ocean, that's even bigger than a pool. I can't wait for this. It'll be a barn storming classic.
Verdict 0-0

Tottenham v Wigan
Poor Robbie Keane will still be smarting from the France game but he's a strong solid Brit so I expect him to play with a stiff upper lip and I'm willing to bet that lip will get him a hatful of goals.
Verdict 4-1

Stoke v Portsmouth
Portsmouth aren't a bad team but they've struggled this season and it'll be hard for them at the Britannia. Ah the Britannia what a great name for a stadium I bet the French don't have a stadium called the Frenchtania do they? They've never done anything good in their entire history. God the French have riled me so much I need to go to the pub. A couple of Kronenbourgs should sort me right out.
Verdict 2-0

Dave Pundit's Predictions 07/11/09

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. November is a notoriously difficult month for footballers. It's a month until Christmas and they'll all have one eye on their Christmas parties. Of course true professionals understand that they have to remain focused. There's nothing worse than being dropped for poor performances in the run up to the festive season and having to go to the reserve party. The hookers are completely sub-standard, trust me.

Aston Villa v Bolton
Villa showed against West Ham they have a soft centre. Whereas Bolton's middle is rock hard. Pretty much immovable in my opinion, which is exactly what you want in midfield. That way you can just bypass them with long balls over the top.
Verdict 1-1

Blackburn v Portsmouth
Pompey's form has improved recently, but then it could hardly get worse could it? However they won't have enough for Big Sam's Blackburn. Paul Hart is really going to have to earn himself a nickname soon or Pompey will be going down.
Verdict 2-0

Man City v Burnley
Burnley's away form makes this the easiest game of the weekend to predict. But football isn't a predictable game and I'd be a fool to try.
Verdict 3-0

Tottenham v Sunderland
Spurs were unlucky against Arsenal last week, they played brilliantly apart from their complete capitulation. If they can cut out better sides beating them they'll win more. Sunderland have been in decent form this year but are they better than Tottenham? Maybe, but probably not. It's probably safest to say this'll be a draw.
Verdict 1-1

Wolves v Arsenal
This is exactly the kind of game that can be a banana skin for Arsenal. They literally never beat the teams from the bottom half. Especially if they have to go outside of London to play them. Wolverhampton is probably far enough north to stop Wenger's Frog chorus.
Verdict 2-1

Hull v Stoke
Last year this would've been a real humdinger but this year Hull have been rubbish. I'm not the kind of person to get on a manager's back but I'd've sacked Phil Brown ages ago. He's not good enough. Sack him. Sack him now. Get him out. Out.
Verdict 0-1

West Ham v Everton
Neither of these teams have lived up to last season's high standards but with Everton it really is just down to bad luck with injuries, whereas West Ham were stupid to stick with that Italian pygmy, Gianfranco Zola.
Verdict 0-2

Wigan v Fulham
Could this be the game of the weekend? No.
Verdict 1-2

Chelsea v Man Utd
Now this is what football is about Man Utd's strong English spine of Rooney, Ferdinand and Fletcher up against John Terry. His spine is like a steel rod; strong, powerful and utterly inflexible. What else do you need in a spine?
Verdict 1-1