Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Nothing makes a footballer prouder than when he gets asked to represent his country. Or in my case the country of their estranged Grandfather. Not just any old Tom, Dick or Harry can play international football, you have to be born in a proper country for a start. I mean pointless little places like Goa, Gibraltar and Uruguay don't have football teams and rightly so. It's not like any of them could ever win a World Cup could they?
When I got the call up to the Northern ireland squad for the first time I was thrilled. It was like I'd finally fulfilled my destiny. I always knew I would play at the top level of the game. Some people are born with natural talent and some people have to slog their guts out to acquire it. I did both. I also had fantastic support from my mother. She encouraged me to play football every night after school. I'd get home and she'd have locked the door so that I wouldn't come in and start watching the telly. And on the rare occassions she'd leave the door open she'd always be entertaining one of my millions of Uncles upstairs and wouldn't want to be disturbed so I'd grab my ball and head down the park.
As I said though it wasn't just hard work. To be an international footballer you also need two things that you're either born with or you're not; grit and determination and I have both in spades. In fact my mother often used to say "Dave, you're a total grit." especially if she'd had a couple of rum-and-peps.
Many people ask me wouldn't I have prefered to have played for England and I reply it doesn't matter which country you play for as long as they're British. Because as we all know all us Brits are the same, just ask the Scots. And anyway, some of the best English players don't play their international football for England. Robbie Keane for instance.
This week we some truly mouth-watering international fixtures. I won't insult your intelligence by predicting the matches, it's obvious the British teams will all win. If anyone can spot a match that could cause any of the home nations any kind of problems they're a better pundit than me. Which of course they're not, because I'm an ex-pro and I've got a diploma in Punditry.
Thursday 26 March 2009
Friday 20 March 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 21/03/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people would like to see video technology introduced to aid referees. All I'll say on the subject is I'm glad they didn't have it my day, then the ref might have noticed all the sly kicks, trips, elbows and right hooks I did behind his back. To be honest I'm more concerned about the advances in pundit technology. Steve Claridge tells me they're working on a super computer that can predict results with 50% accuracy. It's so simple to use even a monkey could work it. Imagine that, a trained chimp doing my job. I'll have to keep on my toes.
Portsmouth v Everton
Portsmouth have lost 13 games this season, over half of them at home. So they'll have to be careful against a strong Everton team. However I can see this being a draw as Fratton Park is a bit of a fortress for Pompey.
Verdict 1-1
Blackburn v West Ham
Sam Allardyce will have earmarked this fixture as a good opportunity to pick up three points but they'll have to be wary of Zola's continental tactics trying to con the ref with blatant diving. Something a good Brit like Allardyce would never allow in his team.
Verdict 2-1
Fulham v Man Utd
Last week's loss to Liverpool may have shocked some but lets face it they were up against probably the best team in the country at the moment. The question is will they be able to bounce back against Fulham. The answer is: yes. Man Utd are probably the best team in the country at the moment.
Verdict 0-2
Stoke v Middlesbrough
Now we're at the business end of the season the fixture list will throw up fixtures like this. It's literally a six-pointer and both teams will be desperate to get the three points. A loss here could literally spell the end for either team and we all know how the end is spelt. R.E.L.E.G.A.T.I.O.N. But it'll probably be a draw anyway.
Verdict 1-1
Tottenham v Chelsea
It's no surprise Tottenham beat Villa last week. With new signings Keane, Defoe and Chimbonda they look like a different team to last year. However they won't beat Chelsea. John Terry vs Robbie Keane will be a true battle of Britain but Terry just edges it. In fact if Terry had been involved in the real battle of Britain the Luftwaffe would have taken one look at him standing on the white cliffs of Dover and just turned back home.
Verdict 0-2
West Brom v Bolton
This is another relegation battle and I'm expecting a real classic. A good old fashioned English game of football. Blood and guts defending, violent exchanges, frayed tempers. And that'll just be the managers. On the pitch it will be ten times more intense, it wouldn't surprise me if both teams finished with nine men. This will be a showcase for the Premier League trust me.
Verdict 0-1
Newcastle v Arsenal
A lot of people say that Newcastle are too good to go down. That they'll definitely avoid the drop. But my first wife was too good to go down as well and she got dropped. Joe Kinnear is getting back to fitness and in an ideal world his strength and passion would mean Newcastle don't get relegated but one person's mentality doesn't reflect the team as a whole. Arsenal on the other hand showed what a bunch of classless foreigners they really are with Cesc Fabregas spitting at Hull's assistant manager. I agree with Phil Brown, his actions reflect on the club as a whole.
Verdict 2-1
Wigan v Hull
As I say, the spitting incident in the FA Cup was terrible. A truly disrespectful act. In my day if you wanted revenge for something on the pitch you kept it on the pitch. What's wrong with waiting til the next fixture and then putting in a couple of leg breaking challenges. Then it's all finished with and no harm done. Hopefully this match will be a much more British affair where the only spit will be in a hotel room with a hooker after the game.
Verdict 0-0
Man City v Sunderland
Sunderland have had a real up and down season. They've been pretty much hovering around 14th all year. Man City have also been inconsistent but I think they'll be confident after their win in the UEFA Cup on Thursday. Another English team winning on penalties. It's just another area in which we're superior and we always have been.
Verdict 2-1
Liverpool v Aston Villa
Aston Villa have been on a poor run recently and that will continue against the mighty Liverpool. With Gerrard and Torres they are the most exciting attacking force in the country. With Carragher and Skrtel they have the strongest defence and with Kuyt and Benayoun they have some wingers. Have they left it too late to win the league? I don't think so. If they win every game from here on in there is literally no way that they wont be able to overtake Man Utd.
Verdict 2-0
Portsmouth v Everton
Portsmouth have lost 13 games this season, over half of them at home. So they'll have to be careful against a strong Everton team. However I can see this being a draw as Fratton Park is a bit of a fortress for Pompey.
Verdict 1-1
Blackburn v West Ham
Sam Allardyce will have earmarked this fixture as a good opportunity to pick up three points but they'll have to be wary of Zola's continental tactics trying to con the ref with blatant diving. Something a good Brit like Allardyce would never allow in his team.
Verdict 2-1
Fulham v Man Utd
Last week's loss to Liverpool may have shocked some but lets face it they were up against probably the best team in the country at the moment. The question is will they be able to bounce back against Fulham. The answer is: yes. Man Utd are probably the best team in the country at the moment.
Verdict 0-2
Stoke v Middlesbrough
Now we're at the business end of the season the fixture list will throw up fixtures like this. It's literally a six-pointer and both teams will be desperate to get the three points. A loss here could literally spell the end for either team and we all know how the end is spelt. R.E.L.E.G.A.T.I.O.N. But it'll probably be a draw anyway.
Verdict 1-1
Tottenham v Chelsea
It's no surprise Tottenham beat Villa last week. With new signings Keane, Defoe and Chimbonda they look like a different team to last year. However they won't beat Chelsea. John Terry vs Robbie Keane will be a true battle of Britain but Terry just edges it. In fact if Terry had been involved in the real battle of Britain the Luftwaffe would have taken one look at him standing on the white cliffs of Dover and just turned back home.
Verdict 0-2
West Brom v Bolton
This is another relegation battle and I'm expecting a real classic. A good old fashioned English game of football. Blood and guts defending, violent exchanges, frayed tempers. And that'll just be the managers. On the pitch it will be ten times more intense, it wouldn't surprise me if both teams finished with nine men. This will be a showcase for the Premier League trust me.
Verdict 0-1
Newcastle v Arsenal
A lot of people say that Newcastle are too good to go down. That they'll definitely avoid the drop. But my first wife was too good to go down as well and she got dropped. Joe Kinnear is getting back to fitness and in an ideal world his strength and passion would mean Newcastle don't get relegated but one person's mentality doesn't reflect the team as a whole. Arsenal on the other hand showed what a bunch of classless foreigners they really are with Cesc Fabregas spitting at Hull's assistant manager. I agree with Phil Brown, his actions reflect on the club as a whole.
Verdict 2-1
Wigan v Hull
As I say, the spitting incident in the FA Cup was terrible. A truly disrespectful act. In my day if you wanted revenge for something on the pitch you kept it on the pitch. What's wrong with waiting til the next fixture and then putting in a couple of leg breaking challenges. Then it's all finished with and no harm done. Hopefully this match will be a much more British affair where the only spit will be in a hotel room with a hooker after the game.
Verdict 0-0
Man City v Sunderland
Sunderland have had a real up and down season. They've been pretty much hovering around 14th all year. Man City have also been inconsistent but I think they'll be confident after their win in the UEFA Cup on Thursday. Another English team winning on penalties. It's just another area in which we're superior and we always have been.
Verdict 2-1
Liverpool v Aston Villa
Aston Villa have been on a poor run recently and that will continue against the mighty Liverpool. With Gerrard and Torres they are the most exciting attacking force in the country. With Carragher and Skrtel they have the strongest defence and with Kuyt and Benayoun they have some wingers. Have they left it too late to win the league? I don't think so. If they win every game from here on in there is literally no way that they wont be able to overtake Man Utd.
Verdict 2-0
Sunday 15 March 2009
Dave Pundit on Diouf
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people have been condemning Diouf's tackle on Manuel Almunia in the Arsenal v Blackburn game yesterday. I feel it's time to set the record straight. Firstly we have to realise that Diouf is foreign, the English game doesn't come naturally to him, but he launched himself into that challenge as if he'd been born and bred in good old blighty. It'd bring a tear to my I if I wasn't so damn rugged.
Secondly we have to think about who he was tackling. Manuel Almunia. Arsenal's keeper. Now in my day keeper's were fair game. You could elbow them in the face, bundle them over the line or leap in from 10 feet away with no chance of getting the ball and it was all perfectly acceptable. Nowadays however goalkeepers get far too much protection, the slightest foul and they get a freekick. The simple fact is that Diouf was just playing a good old fashioned style of football whereas Almunia was running around outside his area as if he was a fullback.
In my eyes if Almunia is going to go around acting like a proper footballer instead of a goalkeeper he should expect to get tackled like a real footballer. So let's hear it for Diouf for his attempts to fit into the British game and let's stop sympathising with a Spanish keeper who is under the deluded belief, common amongst Arsenal players, that people come to matches to see football being played.
Secondly we have to think about who he was tackling. Manuel Almunia. Arsenal's keeper. Now in my day keeper's were fair game. You could elbow them in the face, bundle them over the line or leap in from 10 feet away with no chance of getting the ball and it was all perfectly acceptable. Nowadays however goalkeepers get far too much protection, the slightest foul and they get a freekick. The simple fact is that Diouf was just playing a good old fashioned style of football whereas Almunia was running around outside his area as if he was a fullback.
In my eyes if Almunia is going to go around acting like a proper footballer instead of a goalkeeper he should expect to get tackled like a real footballer. So let's hear it for Diouf for his attempts to fit into the British game and let's stop sympathising with a Spanish keeper who is under the deluded belief, common amongst Arsenal players, that people come to matches to see football being played.
Friday 13 March 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 14/03/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. If music be the food of love then football is probably some kind of dessert. Or a starter. Actually it's the main course, what did Shakespeare know? Let's face it if you had a choice between reading Hamlet and Steven Gerrard's autobiography we all know we'd choose Stevie G's book. Hamlet was foreign for a start. I imagine he'd be a diver.
Man Utd v Liverpool
Going on form alone I'd have to lean towards Liverpool. They beat Real Madrid 4-0 for God's sake. Man Utd have a good English spine but they could only put two past Inter. But European form counts for nothing in the Premier League. Luckily Liverpool have a manager who really respects the domestic competitions. Then again so do Man Utd. However United just don't have Liverpool's pedigree. Have they won the league 18 times? No. And I can't see them doing it any time soon.
Verdict 0-1
Arsenal v Blackburn
When Big Sam was the Bolton manager he had a great record against Arsenal. And that was for one reason and one reason alone; grit and determination. Since Ashley Cole and Sol Campbell left Arsenal haven't liked it up them. Big Sam is an advocate of big, hard tackles and if they can penetrate Arsenal's rear I think they could have some joy here.
Verdict 1-2
Bolton v Fulham
Gary Megson has got Bolton playing dull, workman-like hoofball. And I for one love it. Fulham have lost a bit of form and I think it's down to the fact that they've been trying to play football recently. There's just no place for that in the English game.
Verdict 1-0
Everton v Stoke
In the past Stoke relied heavily on Rory Delap chucking a ball as far as he can. This was a very effective tactic but I think teams have worked it out now. If they want to stay up they'll have to find something new. A good old fashioned long ball game should suffice. However even with astute tactics like that I believe Everton will be too strong for them.
Verdict 2-0
Hull v Newcastle
This is a real northern ding-dong. And as everyone knows the north is heart of England. Unfortunately Newcastle have spent far too much time playing like southerners. However with Michael Owen returning to fitness I think Newcastle will have a strong run in, which will please Joe Kinnear after his recent illness. If Newcastle went down I think it would break his heart.
Verdict 0-1
Middlesbrough v Portsmouth
Pompey have been playing like the southerners they are. And as everyone knows the south is the colon of England. Middlesbrough however managed to beat Liverpool at Anfield so they must be having the season of their lives. I just can't see Portsmouth getting anything here.
Verdict 0-0
Sunderland v Wigan
At this stage of the season every point is vital. This will literally be a dogfight. Two teams giving everything to win, no quarter asked, no quarter given. Whoever loses will be devastated. However, I believe both teams have enough points to be safe now, so dropped points here won't be vital, and anyone who suggests otherwise is a fool.
Verdict 1-1
Chelsea v Man City
In many respects Man City are the new Chelsea. They have lots of money. However what they don't have is John Terry. Maybe if Manchester could produce someone of his calibre they'd be able to produce a successful team.
Verdict 2-0
Aston Villa v Tottenham
A lot of people are predicting Villa to collapse but I just can't see it happening. How can a team as English as them fail? However Tottenham also have more than there fair share of Brits. Woodgate, Jenas and Keane. With a spine like that even Villa will find it hard to break them down.
Verdict 1-1
West Ham v West Brom
I have nothing but respect for West Brom but let's face it they're crap. Even a team managed by an Italian shortarse should be able to defeat them.
Verdict 2-0
Man Utd v Liverpool
Going on form alone I'd have to lean towards Liverpool. They beat Real Madrid 4-0 for God's sake. Man Utd have a good English spine but they could only put two past Inter. But European form counts for nothing in the Premier League. Luckily Liverpool have a manager who really respects the domestic competitions. Then again so do Man Utd. However United just don't have Liverpool's pedigree. Have they won the league 18 times? No. And I can't see them doing it any time soon.
Verdict 0-1
Arsenal v Blackburn
When Big Sam was the Bolton manager he had a great record against Arsenal. And that was for one reason and one reason alone; grit and determination. Since Ashley Cole and Sol Campbell left Arsenal haven't liked it up them. Big Sam is an advocate of big, hard tackles and if they can penetrate Arsenal's rear I think they could have some joy here.
Verdict 1-2
Bolton v Fulham
Gary Megson has got Bolton playing dull, workman-like hoofball. And I for one love it. Fulham have lost a bit of form and I think it's down to the fact that they've been trying to play football recently. There's just no place for that in the English game.
Verdict 1-0
Everton v Stoke
In the past Stoke relied heavily on Rory Delap chucking a ball as far as he can. This was a very effective tactic but I think teams have worked it out now. If they want to stay up they'll have to find something new. A good old fashioned long ball game should suffice. However even with astute tactics like that I believe Everton will be too strong for them.
Verdict 2-0
Hull v Newcastle
This is a real northern ding-dong. And as everyone knows the north is heart of England. Unfortunately Newcastle have spent far too much time playing like southerners. However with Michael Owen returning to fitness I think Newcastle will have a strong run in, which will please Joe Kinnear after his recent illness. If Newcastle went down I think it would break his heart.
Verdict 0-1
Middlesbrough v Portsmouth
Pompey have been playing like the southerners they are. And as everyone knows the south is the colon of England. Middlesbrough however managed to beat Liverpool at Anfield so they must be having the season of their lives. I just can't see Portsmouth getting anything here.
Verdict 0-0
Sunderland v Wigan
At this stage of the season every point is vital. This will literally be a dogfight. Two teams giving everything to win, no quarter asked, no quarter given. Whoever loses will be devastated. However, I believe both teams have enough points to be safe now, so dropped points here won't be vital, and anyone who suggests otherwise is a fool.
Verdict 1-1
Chelsea v Man City
In many respects Man City are the new Chelsea. They have lots of money. However what they don't have is John Terry. Maybe if Manchester could produce someone of his calibre they'd be able to produce a successful team.
Verdict 2-0
Aston Villa v Tottenham
A lot of people are predicting Villa to collapse but I just can't see it happening. How can a team as English as them fail? However Tottenham also have more than there fair share of Brits. Woodgate, Jenas and Keane. With a spine like that even Villa will find it hard to break them down.
Verdict 1-1
West Ham v West Brom
I have nothing but respect for West Brom but let's face it they're crap. Even a team managed by an Italian shortarse should be able to defeat them.
Verdict 2-0
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Dave Pundit's Champions League Predictions
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Europe is a big continent, I'm just glad Britain isn't part of it. I don't even change my money when I go abroad for a booze cruise. If the hypermarkets wont accept pound sterling then I just don't pay. I once went on a trip to Greece with Tranmere it was the worst week of my life. They told me not to drink the water so I stuck solely to Ouzo. I was sick as a dog all week. Give me a good English drink like Stella any day.
Liverpool v Real Madrid
Both of these teams have real European pedigree but Liverpool also have English pedigree which Madrid don't so that gives Liverpool a big advantage. In fact as far as pedigree goes you can't beat the likes of Gerrard and Carragher. Even someone like Torres has pedigree, you don't get that sort of player in Spain.
Verdict 2-0
Juventus v Chelsea
It's important for a team to have history and since Roman Abramovich bought Chelsea they have it in spades. John Terry gives a team history all on his own. He's an old fashioned defender, he can tackle, he can injure players and he can head the ball. What more do you need. If Juventus had Terry they would never have had to bribe anyone. Other teams would've given them money just for the privilege of playing against him.
Verdict 0-2
Roma v Arsenal
I'm not a big fan of Arsenal but I always support English teams in Europe, even if they are foreign like the Gunners. But let's face it they'll have no problems here. Roma can't even spell the name of their city right. It's Rome you idiots.
Verdict 0-1
Man Utd v Inter Milan
Jose Mourinho worked miracles with the likes of Drogba, Essien and Carvalho at Chelsea but he'll struggle to do the same with a bunch of foreign jessies at Inter Milan. Alex Ferguson of course has a good strong bunch of Englishmen to call on Ferdinand, Scholes, Fletcher, Giggs, Evans. The list of English talent is endless.
Verdict 2-0
Liverpool v Real Madrid
Both of these teams have real European pedigree but Liverpool also have English pedigree which Madrid don't so that gives Liverpool a big advantage. In fact as far as pedigree goes you can't beat the likes of Gerrard and Carragher. Even someone like Torres has pedigree, you don't get that sort of player in Spain.
Verdict 2-0
Juventus v Chelsea
It's important for a team to have history and since Roman Abramovich bought Chelsea they have it in spades. John Terry gives a team history all on his own. He's an old fashioned defender, he can tackle, he can injure players and he can head the ball. What more do you need. If Juventus had Terry they would never have had to bribe anyone. Other teams would've given them money just for the privilege of playing against him.
Verdict 0-2
Roma v Arsenal
I'm not a big fan of Arsenal but I always support English teams in Europe, even if they are foreign like the Gunners. But let's face it they'll have no problems here. Roma can't even spell the name of their city right. It's Rome you idiots.
Verdict 0-1
Man Utd v Inter Milan
Jose Mourinho worked miracles with the likes of Drogba, Essien and Carvalho at Chelsea but he'll struggle to do the same with a bunch of foreign jessies at Inter Milan. Alex Ferguson of course has a good strong bunch of Englishmen to call on Ferdinand, Scholes, Fletcher, Giggs, Evans. The list of English talent is endless.
Verdict 2-0
Friday 6 March 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 07/03/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. The subject of tackling has reared it's ugly head again this week, quite frankly I think the art of the tackling has been lost. Two-footed challenges, violent lunges and career ending leg breakers, they're becoming rarer and rarer. Luckily the seem to be making a resurgence this season. It gives you hope for the future.
Coventry v Chelsea
This could be a real banana skin for Chelsea, if they underestimate Coventry or treat them with contempt then they should get through no problem. Let's face it Coventry aren't going to get past John Terry. Every country would love John Terry as an ambassador for them. If John Terry was German they'd never have lost the war and we'd all be living in Nazi Germany.
Verdict 0-3
Fulham v Man Utd
Man Utd played a young team in the Carling Cup but as the adage goes if you're young enough your good enough. And the likes of Giggs, Scholes and Ferdinand were too much for Spurs last week. I can see them being too much for Fulham too.
Verdict 0-2
Sunderland v Tottenham
If this was an FA Cup match it would be impossible to predict but as it's in the league it's a whole different ball game. These teams are in the same boat, trying to keep above the relegation battle but a loss for either team could see them sucked back in. It'll be a tight, tentative affair and as we reach the business end of the season it's these sort of league games that are impossible to predict. However Tottenham might just edge it, after all they do have the stronger British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane.
Verdict 1-2
Arsenal v Burnley
Arsenal have already lost to Burnley once this season and I can't see why it would be any different here, yes they're at home and yes they're playing their first team rather than the Carling Cup kids but they're still a bunch of foreign jessies who don't like teams who get in their faces. Burnley will be so in their face that the Arsenal players will be sneezing them out for a week afterwards.
Verdict 0-1
Everton v Middlesbrough
This is what the FA Cup is all about. Realistically neither of these teams are going to win the tournament, that'll be Chelsea or Man Utd, but they'll still literally sweat blood and give every last ounce of strength to go through to the next round. This is going to be the game of the weekend, trust me.
Verdict 0-0
Coventry v Chelsea
This could be a real banana skin for Chelsea, if they underestimate Coventry or treat them with contempt then they should get through no problem. Let's face it Coventry aren't going to get past John Terry. Every country would love John Terry as an ambassador for them. If John Terry was German they'd never have lost the war and we'd all be living in Nazi Germany.
Verdict 0-3
Fulham v Man Utd
Man Utd played a young team in the Carling Cup but as the adage goes if you're young enough your good enough. And the likes of Giggs, Scholes and Ferdinand were too much for Spurs last week. I can see them being too much for Fulham too.
Verdict 0-2
Sunderland v Tottenham
If this was an FA Cup match it would be impossible to predict but as it's in the league it's a whole different ball game. These teams are in the same boat, trying to keep above the relegation battle but a loss for either team could see them sucked back in. It'll be a tight, tentative affair and as we reach the business end of the season it's these sort of league games that are impossible to predict. However Tottenham might just edge it, after all they do have the stronger British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane.
Verdict 1-2
Arsenal v Burnley
Arsenal have already lost to Burnley once this season and I can't see why it would be any different here, yes they're at home and yes they're playing their first team rather than the Carling Cup kids but they're still a bunch of foreign jessies who don't like teams who get in their faces. Burnley will be so in their face that the Arsenal players will be sneezing them out for a week afterwards.
Verdict 0-1
Everton v Middlesbrough
This is what the FA Cup is all about. Realistically neither of these teams are going to win the tournament, that'll be Chelsea or Man Utd, but they'll still literally sweat blood and give every last ounce of strength to go through to the next round. This is going to be the game of the weekend, trust me.
Verdict 0-0
Monday 2 March 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 02/03/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Football has changed almost beyond recognition since I played the game. In fact I'd go so far as to say you'd barely recognise the sport of today if you'd been around in my day. Of course for those of you who are old enough to remember the old days you'll realise that nothing much has changed. Footballers are all cut from the same cloth. We all love the game, we all want to win and we all get screwed over when we have to divorce our wives. But that's just football, I guess.
West Brom v Arsenal
Everyone knows that Arsenal are lightweight and defensively week. If there's one thing you're guaranteed in an Arsenal game it's goals. Sadly West Brom don't seem to have enough English grit and passion to take advantage of Arsenal's shoddy back line. Which result in that rarest of things: an Arsenal clean sheet.
Verdict 0-1
Portsmouth v Chelsea
This is exactly the sort of game Pompey don't need if they're going to beat the drop. They just wont be able to break Chelsea down and that's entirely down to one man, John Terry. Terry is so English that if he was a piece of art Tate Britain would have to be renamed Tate England.
Verdict 0-2
Liverpool v Sunderland
Liverpool will want to wipe away the memories of their defeat to Middlesbrough. You just have to have a clean slate, completely wipe the past from their minds. If they can just focus on their peformance against Real Madrid they should be able to stop dwelling on the past.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v Aston Villa
When Man City play to their strengths they can be fantastic they just haven't done it enough. This is down to a lack of British spine, however bringing in Shay Given should help sort that out. Villa have so many Brtitish players you could almost say their whole team is a spine.
Verdict 1-1
Newcastle v Man Utd
Man Utd proved that they were winners in the Carling Cup and they did it in the best possible way by drawing 0-0 after extra time. Any team that can draw a game and still win are something special.
Verdict 0-3
Stoke v Bolton
This fixture just screams classic. Two British sides play proper British football. Proper British center-halves. One to do the tackling one to hoof it up field. Proper British grafters in midfield, none of this time on the ball rubbish, just more tackling and more hoofing. And up front a traditional big centre forward to hold up the ball and irritate defenders. It's games like this that make you realise how much all these technical, skillful, intelligent foreigners playing beautiful free flowing football have ruined our game.
Verdict 0-0
Wigan v West Ham
I think the best teams take on their managers character. Which is why Wigan are very good at winning ugly. It's also why West Ham a little bit short up front. I think of it like this; you put Steve Bruce and Gianfranco Zola into a boxing ring who's going to win? it's going to be the guy who looks like he's already gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson isn't it?
Verdict 1-0
Blackburn v Everton
Very few managers are a match for Sam Allardyce but I've got to say David Moyes comes close. However his players do seem to get injured a lot so he obviously needs to have his defenders practice a few leg breaking challenges on the strikers in training to toughen them up. They'll certainly appreciate it when going up against Blackburn.
Verdict 2-1
Fulham v Hull
Fulham went to Arsenal and played football and they got what they deserved. A nil-nil draw. Now if they'd just gone and parked the bus for 90 minutes they might've been able to nick a one-nil win. Let's hope they're a bit more defensively minded against Hull.
Verdict 1-0
Tottenham v Middlesbrough
This will be a test of the Tottenham players' fitness after a long, hard match at Wembley, whereas Middlesbrough will be rejuvenated after their lucky win over Liverpool. The Spurs players will be all right though they've probably been drowning their sorrows since the game and I always found a massive binge in between games helped my performance. Plus they'll be able to bring back Robbie Keane so they'll be able to add a bit of British steel up front.
Verdict 2-1
West Brom v Arsenal
Everyone knows that Arsenal are lightweight and defensively week. If there's one thing you're guaranteed in an Arsenal game it's goals. Sadly West Brom don't seem to have enough English grit and passion to take advantage of Arsenal's shoddy back line. Which result in that rarest of things: an Arsenal clean sheet.
Verdict 0-1
Portsmouth v Chelsea
This is exactly the sort of game Pompey don't need if they're going to beat the drop. They just wont be able to break Chelsea down and that's entirely down to one man, John Terry. Terry is so English that if he was a piece of art Tate Britain would have to be renamed Tate England.
Verdict 0-2
Liverpool v Sunderland
Liverpool will want to wipe away the memories of their defeat to Middlesbrough. You just have to have a clean slate, completely wipe the past from their minds. If they can just focus on their peformance against Real Madrid they should be able to stop dwelling on the past.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v Aston Villa
When Man City play to their strengths they can be fantastic they just haven't done it enough. This is down to a lack of British spine, however bringing in Shay Given should help sort that out. Villa have so many Brtitish players you could almost say their whole team is a spine.
Verdict 1-1
Newcastle v Man Utd
Man Utd proved that they were winners in the Carling Cup and they did it in the best possible way by drawing 0-0 after extra time. Any team that can draw a game and still win are something special.
Verdict 0-3
Stoke v Bolton
This fixture just screams classic. Two British sides play proper British football. Proper British center-halves. One to do the tackling one to hoof it up field. Proper British grafters in midfield, none of this time on the ball rubbish, just more tackling and more hoofing. And up front a traditional big centre forward to hold up the ball and irritate defenders. It's games like this that make you realise how much all these technical, skillful, intelligent foreigners playing beautiful free flowing football have ruined our game.
Verdict 0-0
Wigan v West Ham
I think the best teams take on their managers character. Which is why Wigan are very good at winning ugly. It's also why West Ham a little bit short up front. I think of it like this; you put Steve Bruce and Gianfranco Zola into a boxing ring who's going to win? it's going to be the guy who looks like he's already gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson isn't it?
Verdict 1-0
Blackburn v Everton
Very few managers are a match for Sam Allardyce but I've got to say David Moyes comes close. However his players do seem to get injured a lot so he obviously needs to have his defenders practice a few leg breaking challenges on the strikers in training to toughen them up. They'll certainly appreciate it when going up against Blackburn.
Verdict 2-1
Fulham v Hull
Fulham went to Arsenal and played football and they got what they deserved. A nil-nil draw. Now if they'd just gone and parked the bus for 90 minutes they might've been able to nick a one-nil win. Let's hope they're a bit more defensively minded against Hull.
Verdict 1-0
Tottenham v Middlesbrough
This will be a test of the Tottenham players' fitness after a long, hard match at Wembley, whereas Middlesbrough will be rejuvenated after their lucky win over Liverpool. The Spurs players will be all right though they've probably been drowning their sorrows since the game and I always found a massive binge in between games helped my performance. Plus they'll be able to bring back Robbie Keane so they'll be able to add a bit of British steel up front.
Verdict 2-1
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