Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. It's Christmas, a time for giving and receiving, a time for festive cheer and a time for children. But we have to spare a thought for some of the negatives about Christmas, the people with no families or no home to go to and the fact that the pubs don't stay open all day. What kind of holiday is that? A foreign one if you ask me.
Birmingham v Chelsea
Birmingham have been in fine form recently and if they can add a few leg breaking challenges to the second half of the season they might even scrape a European spot. But they won't beat Chelsea. Apparently there hasn't been enough grit for all the snow this week. Well I'm not surprised, John Terry has it all.
Verdict 0-2
Fulham v Tottenham
Fulham's result against Man Utd was stunning. But it can be easily explained by the injuries to their British spine. Sadly for Fulham have no such problem. You don't get much more British than Dawson, Huddlestone and Keane.
Verdict 0-1
West Ham v Portsmouth
Neither of these teams have been performing well this year and are you surprised when you look at the managers? I doubt the Italians even celebrate Christmas and I can't imagine an Israeli like Grant even knows where Bethlehem is. In football terms if you're going to entrust your team to foreigners you get what you deserve.
Verdict 2-2
Burnley v Bolton
Burnley have been great at home but I've been disappointed by them to be honest. When I was told we'd have a good northern team like Burnley in the Premier League but they've come up, tried to play exciting, beautiful football. You wouldn't catch Bolton trying that.
Verdict 0-1
Man City v Stoke
Mark Hughes was treated unfairly by the Man City board, and now they've made the cardinal sin of bringing in a foreign manager. I've said it before and I'll say it again foreign managers have no place in football.
Verdict 1-1
Sunderland v Everton
Both these teams have been a bit hit and miss, but at least they're consistently hit and miss. That's because they have good English managers. It makes these games much easier to predict. It'll be violent, bloody and British. And probably a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Wigan v Blackburn
Now this should be a corker as long as Martinez doesn't try to play football. Trying to play football against Blackburn is like trying to play strip poker with your gran. She doesn't understand the rules and it'll probably end up with you getting a smack round the head.
Verdict 0-0
Liverpool v Wolves
I think we need to get behind Rafa Benitez. He's come over here from Spain and faced a lot of prejudice. That doesn't help any manager. It's Christmas so maybe we should all try and be a little more tolerant. I think 2010 will herald great things for Liverpool they're on the verge of big things. Trust me. Plus Mick McCarthy will probably field 3 outfield players and the tea lady for this one.
Verdict 3-0
Arsenal v Aston Villa
Arsene Wenger and his mob will be looking forward to the end of another trophyless year. However if they're expecting any gifts off of Villa this Christmas they'll be sorely disappointed. I imagine Wenger will be eating a big slice of humble mince pie after this match.
Verdict 0-2
Hull v Man Utd
You'd never have expected Fulham to beat Man Utd but if football has taught me anything it's to always expect the unexpected. And I expect Man Utd to win this one so I guess it'll be a Hull victory. But now I'm expecting that it'll have to be a Man Utd one. Which just goes to show you can't back against the Champions.
Verdict 0-3
Thursday 24 December 2009
Friday 11 December 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 12/12/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. You may have noticed a lack of predictions in recent weeks, unfortunately I received a call from Steve Claridge a fortnight ago telling me I needed to renew my Diploma in Punditry. So I've spent the last two weeks scraping together the £2500 I needed. Luckily for a man of my talents this was no problem. Look out for my cash-in Christmas DVD. Dave's Massive Tackles. I didn't really look at the script but I assume it's one of those compilation video's of footballing mishaps. What else could it be?
Stoke v Wigan
I can't believe the furore over the bust up between Tony Pulis and James Beattie. In my day I argued with the gaffer on a daily basis. Of course I always had to back down, respect the managers wishes and put my hand in my pocket and buy the next round. Of course no one argues with Martinez. He speaks foreign so no one knows what he's saying anyway.
Verdict 1-0
Birmingham v West Ham
Gianfranco Zola has ruined West Ham. No wonder they can't find a buyer. I mean it would be like buying a fantastic old Rover and it turning out to have an Italian engine. And let's face the Italians probably know as much about cars as they do about football.
Verdict 1-0
Bolton v Man City
City did an amazing job to beat Chelsea last week, but this is another kettle of fish altogether. Bolton are the masters of dull, defensive, violent football and I'm not sure Mark Hughes will understand that brand of football. This could be a toughy for City.
Verdict 1-1
Burnley v Fulham
Burnley's home form is pretty good for a club that has just come up but I do worry about the fact that they try to play football. That's pretty much the last thing a Championship level team should be doing. Fulham might sneak a win here if they can exploit Burnley's bizarre desire to score goals.
Verdict 1-2
Chelsea v Everton
One of the signs of a good team is the ability to bounce back after after a defeat. Another sign of a good team is John Terry. John Terry is a brick and nothing bounces back better than a brick. Everton won't stand a chance.
Verdict 3-1
Hull v Blackburn
Hull have been a bit hit and miss this season. Blackburn have been typical of a Sam Allardyce team; lots of hitting. Hopefully both teams will hit each other hard in this bruising encounter. It's a good job Jimmy Bullard is injured his glass knees would be shattered permanently if he played in this game. And you hate to see that sort of thing happen to an Englishman.
Verdict 0-1
Sunderland v Portsmouth
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth paying £2500 for my Punditry Diploma. I could do this sort of match with my eyes shut. Sunderland will walk this one. Unless Portsmouth can pull of something special, of course. You can't predict anything in football.
Verdict 2-0
Tottenham v Wolves
Tottenham are fourth in the league for a reason they're the best team in the country behind the big four, Man City and maybe Villa. Wolves on the other hand are absolute guff.
Verdict 2-0
Man Utd v Aston Villa
Despite all their injuries Man Utd are still winning games. That's the true sign of a good team. In fact I'd go as far as to say it proves they're the best team in the league and the fact that they're second backs that up. Villa are good but I don't think they can defeat Man Utd English spine of Rooney, Giggs and whatever young player they've got to draft into defence but he's bound to be an Englishman isn't he? I can't name one Man Utd player who isn't English.
Verdict 2-1
Liverpool v Arsenal
Rafa's master plan is just about to come into fruition. His clever tactics have put him in a prime position to win the Europa League and a good win against a bunch of foreign muppets will set them up nicely in the league. Arsenal bounced back after there defeat to Chelsea, but that's not a sign of a good team, they've also managed to cope with injuries but again that's not a sign of a good team either. In midweek the even played with an English spine of Bartley, Ramsey and Walcott but again that's not the sign of a good team. Having a British manager is what counts. And that's why Liverpool will win this one.
Verdict 2-1
Stoke v Wigan
I can't believe the furore over the bust up between Tony Pulis and James Beattie. In my day I argued with the gaffer on a daily basis. Of course I always had to back down, respect the managers wishes and put my hand in my pocket and buy the next round. Of course no one argues with Martinez. He speaks foreign so no one knows what he's saying anyway.
Verdict 1-0
Birmingham v West Ham
Gianfranco Zola has ruined West Ham. No wonder they can't find a buyer. I mean it would be like buying a fantastic old Rover and it turning out to have an Italian engine. And let's face the Italians probably know as much about cars as they do about football.
Verdict 1-0
Bolton v Man City
City did an amazing job to beat Chelsea last week, but this is another kettle of fish altogether. Bolton are the masters of dull, defensive, violent football and I'm not sure Mark Hughes will understand that brand of football. This could be a toughy for City.
Verdict 1-1
Burnley v Fulham
Burnley's home form is pretty good for a club that has just come up but I do worry about the fact that they try to play football. That's pretty much the last thing a Championship level team should be doing. Fulham might sneak a win here if they can exploit Burnley's bizarre desire to score goals.
Verdict 1-2
Chelsea v Everton
One of the signs of a good team is the ability to bounce back after after a defeat. Another sign of a good team is John Terry. John Terry is a brick and nothing bounces back better than a brick. Everton won't stand a chance.
Verdict 3-1
Hull v Blackburn
Hull have been a bit hit and miss this season. Blackburn have been typical of a Sam Allardyce team; lots of hitting. Hopefully both teams will hit each other hard in this bruising encounter. It's a good job Jimmy Bullard is injured his glass knees would be shattered permanently if he played in this game. And you hate to see that sort of thing happen to an Englishman.
Verdict 0-1
Sunderland v Portsmouth
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth paying £2500 for my Punditry Diploma. I could do this sort of match with my eyes shut. Sunderland will walk this one. Unless Portsmouth can pull of something special, of course. You can't predict anything in football.
Verdict 2-0
Tottenham v Wolves
Tottenham are fourth in the league for a reason they're the best team in the country behind the big four, Man City and maybe Villa. Wolves on the other hand are absolute guff.
Verdict 2-0
Man Utd v Aston Villa
Despite all their injuries Man Utd are still winning games. That's the true sign of a good team. In fact I'd go as far as to say it proves they're the best team in the league and the fact that they're second backs that up. Villa are good but I don't think they can defeat Man Utd English spine of Rooney, Giggs and whatever young player they've got to draft into defence but he's bound to be an Englishman isn't he? I can't name one Man Utd player who isn't English.
Verdict 2-1
Liverpool v Arsenal
Rafa's master plan is just about to come into fruition. His clever tactics have put him in a prime position to win the Europa League and a good win against a bunch of foreign muppets will set them up nicely in the league. Arsenal bounced back after there defeat to Chelsea, but that's not a sign of a good team, they've also managed to cope with injuries but again that's not a sign of a good team either. In midweek the even played with an English spine of Bartley, Ramsey and Walcott but again that's not the sign of a good team. Having a British manager is what counts. And that's why Liverpool will win this one.
Verdict 2-1
Friday 20 November 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 21/11/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Once again we have seen the French bringing the game into disrepute. Is there a more foreign nation than the French? I don't think so. And once again it's an honest British team that loses out. Quite frankly I abhor any kind of cheating or unfair play. If I'd been on the pitch I wouldn't have gone bleating to the ref I'd've just punched Thierry Henry square in the face.
Liverpool v Man City
Steven Gerrard should be back for Liverpool and that will make this a walk in the park for Liverpool. Man City might have bought top class players all over the pitch but Liverpool have Steven Gerrard. If he'd been French they'd never have never needed to cheat to win. But thankfully Gerrard is English so he never cheats.
Verdict 2-0
Birmingham v Fulham
Birmingham haven't been the leg-breaking, head-butting, violent machine that they were last time they were up. I, for one, am very disappointed in them. I don't wish injuries on anyone except the French but if Birmingham want to stay up this year they're going to have to get cracking.
Verdict 1-1
Burnley v Aston Villa
Thank God the premiership can still produce matches like this. Both teams built around strong English spines. Not a Frenchman in sight. But Villa will just edge it because even the foreign players they have are like Brits. Take Carew for example, he's a strong battling forward who's not afraid to get stuck in to a stripper. And his name's John. Are we sure he's foreign?
Verdict 1-2
Chelsea v Wolves
Now this is just unfair. Even if Wolverhampton played a team consisting of real wolves they'd still lose against John Terry. He literally eats wolves for breakfast and then he defecates lions. That's how British he is. He'll destroy Wolves single handedly and then give Malouda a slap for his part in the Irish travesty.
Verdict 3-0
Hull v West Ham
Hull have a British manager. West Ham have an Italian and they're almost French. In fact they might even be more French. Take the Second World War, they fought with the Germans, swapped sides and then pretty much surrendered. How French can you get?
Verdict 1-0
Sunderland v Arsenal
I just can't see Sunderland winning this one I'm afraid. Arsenal will have seen Thierry Henry literally get away with murder and they'll do exactly the same here, like the cheating French capitulators that they are. Let's hope the ref is strong and Sunderland might scrape a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Man Utd v Everton
Now this is more like it. Two good English teams duking it out. That's hat football should be about. And not a French man in sight. In fact I doubt either of these teams has ever played a French man. And thank God for that.
Verdict 2-1
Bolton v Blackburn
The game of the weekend no doubt. Talk about bloodbath this will be a blood swimming pool. Or an ocean, that's even bigger than a pool. I can't wait for this. It'll be a barn storming classic.
Verdict 0-0
Tottenham v Wigan
Poor Robbie Keane will still be smarting from the France game but he's a strong solid Brit so I expect him to play with a stiff upper lip and I'm willing to bet that lip will get him a hatful of goals.
Verdict 4-1
Stoke v Portsmouth
Portsmouth aren't a bad team but they've struggled this season and it'll be hard for them at the Britannia. Ah the Britannia what a great name for a stadium I bet the French don't have a stadium called the Frenchtania do they? They've never done anything good in their entire history. God the French have riled me so much I need to go to the pub. A couple of Kronenbourgs should sort me right out.
Verdict 2-0
Liverpool v Man City
Steven Gerrard should be back for Liverpool and that will make this a walk in the park for Liverpool. Man City might have bought top class players all over the pitch but Liverpool have Steven Gerrard. If he'd been French they'd never have never needed to cheat to win. But thankfully Gerrard is English so he never cheats.
Verdict 2-0
Birmingham v Fulham
Birmingham haven't been the leg-breaking, head-butting, violent machine that they were last time they were up. I, for one, am very disappointed in them. I don't wish injuries on anyone except the French but if Birmingham want to stay up this year they're going to have to get cracking.
Verdict 1-1
Burnley v Aston Villa
Thank God the premiership can still produce matches like this. Both teams built around strong English spines. Not a Frenchman in sight. But Villa will just edge it because even the foreign players they have are like Brits. Take Carew for example, he's a strong battling forward who's not afraid to get stuck in to a stripper. And his name's John. Are we sure he's foreign?
Verdict 1-2
Chelsea v Wolves
Now this is just unfair. Even if Wolverhampton played a team consisting of real wolves they'd still lose against John Terry. He literally eats wolves for breakfast and then he defecates lions. That's how British he is. He'll destroy Wolves single handedly and then give Malouda a slap for his part in the Irish travesty.
Verdict 3-0
Hull v West Ham
Hull have a British manager. West Ham have an Italian and they're almost French. In fact they might even be more French. Take the Second World War, they fought with the Germans, swapped sides and then pretty much surrendered. How French can you get?
Verdict 1-0
Sunderland v Arsenal
I just can't see Sunderland winning this one I'm afraid. Arsenal will have seen Thierry Henry literally get away with murder and they'll do exactly the same here, like the cheating French capitulators that they are. Let's hope the ref is strong and Sunderland might scrape a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Man Utd v Everton
Now this is more like it. Two good English teams duking it out. That's hat football should be about. And not a French man in sight. In fact I doubt either of these teams has ever played a French man. And thank God for that.
Verdict 2-1
Bolton v Blackburn
The game of the weekend no doubt. Talk about bloodbath this will be a blood swimming pool. Or an ocean, that's even bigger than a pool. I can't wait for this. It'll be a barn storming classic.
Verdict 0-0
Tottenham v Wigan
Poor Robbie Keane will still be smarting from the France game but he's a strong solid Brit so I expect him to play with a stiff upper lip and I'm willing to bet that lip will get him a hatful of goals.
Verdict 4-1
Stoke v Portsmouth
Portsmouth aren't a bad team but they've struggled this season and it'll be hard for them at the Britannia. Ah the Britannia what a great name for a stadium I bet the French don't have a stadium called the Frenchtania do they? They've never done anything good in their entire history. God the French have riled me so much I need to go to the pub. A couple of Kronenbourgs should sort me right out.
Verdict 2-0
Friday 6 November 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 07/11/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. November is a notoriously difficult month for footballers. It's a month until Christmas and they'll all have one eye on their Christmas parties. Of course true professionals understand that they have to remain focused. There's nothing worse than being dropped for poor performances in the run up to the festive season and having to go to the reserve party. The hookers are completely sub-standard, trust me.
Aston Villa v Bolton
Villa showed against West Ham they have a soft centre. Whereas Bolton's middle is rock hard. Pretty much immovable in my opinion, which is exactly what you want in midfield. That way you can just bypass them with long balls over the top.
Verdict 1-1
Blackburn v Portsmouth
Pompey's form has improved recently, but then it could hardly get worse could it? However they won't have enough for Big Sam's Blackburn. Paul Hart is really going to have to earn himself a nickname soon or Pompey will be going down.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v Burnley
Burnley's away form makes this the easiest game of the weekend to predict. But football isn't a predictable game and I'd be a fool to try.
Verdict 3-0
Tottenham v Sunderland
Spurs were unlucky against Arsenal last week, they played brilliantly apart from their complete capitulation. If they can cut out better sides beating them they'll win more. Sunderland have been in decent form this year but are they better than Tottenham? Maybe, but probably not. It's probably safest to say this'll be a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Wolves v Arsenal
This is exactly the kind of game that can be a banana skin for Arsenal. They literally never beat the teams from the bottom half. Especially if they have to go outside of London to play them. Wolverhampton is probably far enough north to stop Wenger's Frog chorus.
Verdict 2-1
Hull v Stoke
Last year this would've been a real humdinger but this year Hull have been rubbish. I'm not the kind of person to get on a manager's back but I'd've sacked Phil Brown ages ago. He's not good enough. Sack him. Sack him now. Get him out. Out.
Verdict 0-1
West Ham v Everton
Neither of these teams have lived up to last season's high standards but with Everton it really is just down to bad luck with injuries, whereas West Ham were stupid to stick with that Italian pygmy, Gianfranco Zola.
Verdict 0-2
Wigan v Fulham
Could this be the game of the weekend? No.
Verdict 1-2
Chelsea v Man Utd
Now this is what football is about Man Utd's strong English spine of Rooney, Ferdinand and Fletcher up against John Terry. His spine is like a steel rod; strong, powerful and utterly inflexible. What else do you need in a spine?
Verdict 1-1
Aston Villa v Bolton
Villa showed against West Ham they have a soft centre. Whereas Bolton's middle is rock hard. Pretty much immovable in my opinion, which is exactly what you want in midfield. That way you can just bypass them with long balls over the top.
Verdict 1-1
Blackburn v Portsmouth
Pompey's form has improved recently, but then it could hardly get worse could it? However they won't have enough for Big Sam's Blackburn. Paul Hart is really going to have to earn himself a nickname soon or Pompey will be going down.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v Burnley
Burnley's away form makes this the easiest game of the weekend to predict. But football isn't a predictable game and I'd be a fool to try.
Verdict 3-0
Tottenham v Sunderland
Spurs were unlucky against Arsenal last week, they played brilliantly apart from their complete capitulation. If they can cut out better sides beating them they'll win more. Sunderland have been in decent form this year but are they better than Tottenham? Maybe, but probably not. It's probably safest to say this'll be a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Wolves v Arsenal
This is exactly the kind of game that can be a banana skin for Arsenal. They literally never beat the teams from the bottom half. Especially if they have to go outside of London to play them. Wolverhampton is probably far enough north to stop Wenger's Frog chorus.
Verdict 2-1
Hull v Stoke
Last year this would've been a real humdinger but this year Hull have been rubbish. I'm not the kind of person to get on a manager's back but I'd've sacked Phil Brown ages ago. He's not good enough. Sack him. Sack him now. Get him out. Out.
Verdict 0-1
West Ham v Everton
Neither of these teams have lived up to last season's high standards but with Everton it really is just down to bad luck with injuries, whereas West Ham were stupid to stick with that Italian pygmy, Gianfranco Zola.
Verdict 0-2
Wigan v Fulham
Could this be the game of the weekend? No.
Verdict 1-2
Chelsea v Man Utd
Now this is what football is about Man Utd's strong English spine of Rooney, Ferdinand and Fletcher up against John Terry. His spine is like a steel rod; strong, powerful and utterly inflexible. What else do you need in a spine?
Verdict 1-1
Friday 30 October 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 31/10/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. I feel sorry for Marlon King. Don't get me wrong I don't condone violence towards women but in my day if you wanted to give the wife a slap you could bottle it up and then take it out on an opposition player on Saturday. But nowadays they've banned going in studs showing, waist high and from behind. I blame the referees.
Arsenal v Tottenham
This fixture last season ended up 4-4. Which goes to show how poor Arsenal's defence was even then and how strong Tottenham's attack was. And now Spurs' front line is even stronger. Crouch, Defoe and Keane are three of Britain's best strikers. Whereas Arsenal have Van Persie, Arshavin and Eduardo who not only aren't British but at least one of them isn't even a striker.
Verdict 1-2
Bolton v Chelsea
This will be a bruising encounter no doubt but Chelsea will have the edge, because when it comes to bruising that's what John Terry does best. Unlike Marlon King he saves his brutality for the pitch. You wouldn't catch him punching anyone in a club.
Verdict 0-2
Burnley v Hull
In many ways Burnley are this years Hull. They have got some shock wins, have played good football and no one really knows who they are. Or indeed cares.
Verdict 1-0
Everton v Aston Villa
Everton's squad has literally been blown to pieces by injury and because of this they've struggled a bit. Villa on the other hand have a strong squad. Any team that can keep Heskey on the bench is doing something right.
Verdict 0-1
Fulham v Liverpool
Liverpool showed they are still a threat by beating Man Utd last week. It was probably the most fantastic display of the season. And they did it without Gerrard. That just proves how strong they are. I don't want to go overboard but Liverpool are easily the greatest team ever. This week they play Fulham. Quite frankly though it could be Barcelona and Real Madrid at the same time and Liverpool would still win. Last week's result proves that beyond a doubt.
Verdict 0-4
Manchester United v Blackburn
Blackburn have been hit by swine flu but pigs will fly before Big Sam lets some little bug defeat his team. He'll probably bend over backwards to let his best mate Sir Alex win though. That's called respect.
Verdict 2-0
Portsmouth v Wigan
Talking of respect Martinez has none. How dare he insult the great Alex Ferguson? It shows a complete lack of class. Alex Ferguson has done nothing but good in the game and deserves to be treated with the utmost respect. Martinez could learn a lot from Fergie. You wouldn't catch him bad mouthing anyone.
Verdict 2-1
Stoke v Wolves
A wise man once said Football is a funny old game. But he was drunk. And if he was forced to watch this sort of game you can see why.
Verdict 1-1
Sunderland v West Ham
Steve Bruce has done a good job at Sunderland and I expect them to get a good result again here. As long as they go a couple of goals up there's no way West Ham could ever get back from that. They've got no fight.
Verdict 2-0
Birmingham v Man City
City have looked dangerous this season and they could get a hatful here. Birmingham however have struggled to score goals this year and in January I fully expect them to buy a striker. Luckily Emile Heskey could be available.
Verdict 0-3
Arsenal v Tottenham
This fixture last season ended up 4-4. Which goes to show how poor Arsenal's defence was even then and how strong Tottenham's attack was. And now Spurs' front line is even stronger. Crouch, Defoe and Keane are three of Britain's best strikers. Whereas Arsenal have Van Persie, Arshavin and Eduardo who not only aren't British but at least one of them isn't even a striker.
Verdict 1-2
Bolton v Chelsea
This will be a bruising encounter no doubt but Chelsea will have the edge, because when it comes to bruising that's what John Terry does best. Unlike Marlon King he saves his brutality for the pitch. You wouldn't catch him punching anyone in a club.
Verdict 0-2
Burnley v Hull
In many ways Burnley are this years Hull. They have got some shock wins, have played good football and no one really knows who they are. Or indeed cares.
Verdict 1-0
Everton v Aston Villa
Everton's squad has literally been blown to pieces by injury and because of this they've struggled a bit. Villa on the other hand have a strong squad. Any team that can keep Heskey on the bench is doing something right.
Verdict 0-1
Fulham v Liverpool
Liverpool showed they are still a threat by beating Man Utd last week. It was probably the most fantastic display of the season. And they did it without Gerrard. That just proves how strong they are. I don't want to go overboard but Liverpool are easily the greatest team ever. This week they play Fulham. Quite frankly though it could be Barcelona and Real Madrid at the same time and Liverpool would still win. Last week's result proves that beyond a doubt.
Verdict 0-4
Manchester United v Blackburn
Blackburn have been hit by swine flu but pigs will fly before Big Sam lets some little bug defeat his team. He'll probably bend over backwards to let his best mate Sir Alex win though. That's called respect.
Verdict 2-0
Portsmouth v Wigan
Talking of respect Martinez has none. How dare he insult the great Alex Ferguson? It shows a complete lack of class. Alex Ferguson has done nothing but good in the game and deserves to be treated with the utmost respect. Martinez could learn a lot from Fergie. You wouldn't catch him bad mouthing anyone.
Verdict 2-1
Stoke v Wolves
A wise man once said Football is a funny old game. But he was drunk. And if he was forced to watch this sort of game you can see why.
Verdict 1-1
Sunderland v West Ham
Steve Bruce has done a good job at Sunderland and I expect them to get a good result again here. As long as they go a couple of goals up there's no way West Ham could ever get back from that. They've got no fight.
Verdict 2-0
Birmingham v Man City
City have looked dangerous this season and they could get a hatful here. Birmingham however have struggled to score goals this year and in January I fully expect them to buy a striker. Luckily Emile Heskey could be available.
Verdict 0-3
Friday 23 October 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 23/10/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. I don't really like to get involved in politics but I feel I have to mention Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time. There is no place in this country for racists like him. Personally I think we should stick him on the first plane out of here. And he can take all the foreign footballers that are ruining the British game with him.
Wolves v Aston Villa
There are local derbies and then there are local derbies if you know what I mean, and this is definitely just two teams from the same area of the country playing each other. Villa have a proud Brit in charge whereas Wolves have an Irishman. Just one reason why Villa will walk it.
Verdict 0-2
Birmingham v Sunderland
Steve Bruce has got Sunderland playing very well recently but this could be a stern test for them. Birmingham don't score many goals but they're strong in the tackle and willing to injure players. And you don't win games with goals.
Verdict 0-0
Burnley v Wigan
Burnley at home are very different to Burnley away. It's like they're two different teams. It reminds me of a guy who drinks in my pub. Out with the lads he's a diamond. Funny, happy and great to be with. But when the wife turns up to drag him home he turns into a pussy cat. You wouldn't catch my wife embarrassing me like that. She just gives me a discreet phone call when it's time for me to go home.
Verdict 1-1
Hull v Portsmouth
Both these teams are already looking down the barrel of the relegation gun. It's far to early to say that no matter what the result both these teams will go down, but I can't see it making a blind bit of difference who wins this one.
Verdict 0-2
Tottenham v Stoke
I have a lot of time for Stoke. They play football the way it's meant to be played. With a grim look of determination present at all times and vast range of passing. And by vast, I mean long.
However I think they'll struggle against Tottenham's British spine of King, Jenas and Keane.
Verdict 2-1
Chelsea v Blackburn
This is the game of the weekend no doubt. Big Sam's warriors coming up against the might of John Terry. John Terry is a man who is so competitive that he can start a fight with a goalpost. That's what we need more of in this country. Have you ever seen a foreigner shout at a goalpost? No. I rest my case.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Everton
Let's face it you don't want to go to the Reebok with a depleted squad. By the time the game finishes you probably wont even be able to field a five-a-side team. Everton might as well not turn up.
Verdict 1-0
Liverpool v Manchester United
There are local derbies and then there are local derbies if you know what I mean, this is about as local as they get. Liverpool will be seething after being robbed in the last four games. So they'll want to win this one. But as it's a derby game I'd be breaking all the rules of punditry if I didn't predict a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Manchester City v Fulham
City are a true English team. Lescott, Barry, Bellamy. These sort of players aren't mercenaries just playing for the money. Quite frankly a lot of players from other clubs could learn from their example. And perhaps Fulham's Egyptian chairman could learn from City's example of how to run a club the British way too.
Verdict 2-1
West Ham v Arsenal
It was Wenger's 60th birthday this week and he couldn't ask for a better present than coming up against a midget Italian and his bunch of foreign fools. Unfortunately for Wenger his own team are a bunch of surrender monkeys as shown against AZ Alkmaar. It'll probably be a foreign style score draw.
Verdict 2-2
Wolves v Aston Villa
There are local derbies and then there are local derbies if you know what I mean, and this is definitely just two teams from the same area of the country playing each other. Villa have a proud Brit in charge whereas Wolves have an Irishman. Just one reason why Villa will walk it.
Verdict 0-2
Birmingham v Sunderland
Steve Bruce has got Sunderland playing very well recently but this could be a stern test for them. Birmingham don't score many goals but they're strong in the tackle and willing to injure players. And you don't win games with goals.
Verdict 0-0
Burnley v Wigan
Burnley at home are very different to Burnley away. It's like they're two different teams. It reminds me of a guy who drinks in my pub. Out with the lads he's a diamond. Funny, happy and great to be with. But when the wife turns up to drag him home he turns into a pussy cat. You wouldn't catch my wife embarrassing me like that. She just gives me a discreet phone call when it's time for me to go home.
Verdict 1-1
Hull v Portsmouth
Both these teams are already looking down the barrel of the relegation gun. It's far to early to say that no matter what the result both these teams will go down, but I can't see it making a blind bit of difference who wins this one.
Verdict 0-2
Tottenham v Stoke
I have a lot of time for Stoke. They play football the way it's meant to be played. With a grim look of determination present at all times and vast range of passing. And by vast, I mean long.
However I think they'll struggle against Tottenham's British spine of King, Jenas and Keane.
Verdict 2-1
Chelsea v Blackburn
This is the game of the weekend no doubt. Big Sam's warriors coming up against the might of John Terry. John Terry is a man who is so competitive that he can start a fight with a goalpost. That's what we need more of in this country. Have you ever seen a foreigner shout at a goalpost? No. I rest my case.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Everton
Let's face it you don't want to go to the Reebok with a depleted squad. By the time the game finishes you probably wont even be able to field a five-a-side team. Everton might as well not turn up.
Verdict 1-0
Liverpool v Manchester United
There are local derbies and then there are local derbies if you know what I mean, this is about as local as they get. Liverpool will be seething after being robbed in the last four games. So they'll want to win this one. But as it's a derby game I'd be breaking all the rules of punditry if I didn't predict a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Manchester City v Fulham
City are a true English team. Lescott, Barry, Bellamy. These sort of players aren't mercenaries just playing for the money. Quite frankly a lot of players from other clubs could learn from their example. And perhaps Fulham's Egyptian chairman could learn from City's example of how to run a club the British way too.
Verdict 2-1
West Ham v Arsenal
It was Wenger's 60th birthday this week and he couldn't ask for a better present than coming up against a midget Italian and his bunch of foreign fools. Unfortunately for Wenger his own team are a bunch of surrender monkeys as shown against AZ Alkmaar. It'll probably be a foreign style score draw.
Verdict 2-2
Friday 16 October 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 17/10/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people were hoping that Argentina wouldn't make it to the World Cup finals next year. Personally I like all the big name teams to be there so once they've qualified who cares if piddly little South American teams like Argentina join the party?
Aston Villa v Chelsea
Chelsea haven't had many stern tests yet this season but this could be one of them. Luckily they have John Terry, who has never met a test that could out stern him. He's got more stern than the QE2. Does that even make sense? Who cares? It's John Terry, people. John Terry.
Verdict 0-2
Arsenal v Birmingham
The last time these two met Martin Taylor lunged in clumsily on Eduardo and broke his leg. Effectively ending Arsenal's challenge for the title. It might be a little early in the season for Birmingham to do it again, but let's hope they give it go.
Verdict 1-2
Everton v Wolves
Everton have been missing the English steel of Jagielka at the back but even without him they should be able to easily see off Wolves. Mick McCarthy may be a good old Irish boy but all his blarney, riverdancing and Guinness won't help him in the Premier League. Wolves need a manager with a bit of Northern grit.
Verdict 2-0
Man Utd v Bolton
The Bolton fans aren't keen on Gary Megson. His brand of football is dull, workmanlike and uninspiring. What's not to like? However even Megson's men will struggle against Man Utd, they're not just the champions because they won the league you know, the also have great players. Let's just hope the ref can keep up with them.
Verdict 2-1
Portsmouth v Tottenham
Harry Redknapp will get a lot of stick on his return to Fratton Park but I think that's unfair. He bought in a lot of great players and still made a profit. Seriously I've seen his house, it's huge. He must've made a packet off all those players he brought in.
Verdict 1-3
Stoke v West Ham
Back when I was younger Stoke v West Ham was always a display of beautiful football. But only one of these teams has stuck to the sort of football the purists like to see. Whereas West Ham have let some short-arse foreigner ruin them.
Verdict 1-0
Sunderland v Liverpool
It's far too early to write Liverpool off. They may have lost three games but they've got a couple of genuine world class match winners in their team. Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher. With those two in the team anything is possible. Even with makeweights like Torres.
Verdict 0-2
Blackburn v Burnley
Now this is what football is all about, a passionate Northern derby day. This will be like a clash of the titans, only bigger. It'll be more like two gods going up against each other. It'll be end to end, violent, ugly football. A true, true classic.
Verdict 0-0
Wigan v Man City
This could be a tough game for City. They've had a lot of players away in far-flung places this week so tiredness could be a factor. This is why you shouldn't have all the "world class" foreigners in your squad. You wouldn't have caught the likes of Michael Ball, Darius Vassell and Paul Dickov swanning off on international duty would you?
Verdict 1-1
Fulham v Hull City
Hull need a few good results on the trot if they want to have any hope of staying up. But they'll struggle here against Fulham's English spine of Andy Johnson, Danny Murphy and Brede Hangeland. Wait, Hangeland isn't English. I can't believe I'd make such a stupid mistake, that's never happened before.
Verdict 1-1
Aston Villa v Chelsea
Chelsea haven't had many stern tests yet this season but this could be one of them. Luckily they have John Terry, who has never met a test that could out stern him. He's got more stern than the QE2. Does that even make sense? Who cares? It's John Terry, people. John Terry.
Verdict 0-2
Arsenal v Birmingham
The last time these two met Martin Taylor lunged in clumsily on Eduardo and broke his leg. Effectively ending Arsenal's challenge for the title. It might be a little early in the season for Birmingham to do it again, but let's hope they give it go.
Verdict 1-2
Everton v Wolves
Everton have been missing the English steel of Jagielka at the back but even without him they should be able to easily see off Wolves. Mick McCarthy may be a good old Irish boy but all his blarney, riverdancing and Guinness won't help him in the Premier League. Wolves need a manager with a bit of Northern grit.
Verdict 2-0
Man Utd v Bolton
The Bolton fans aren't keen on Gary Megson. His brand of football is dull, workmanlike and uninspiring. What's not to like? However even Megson's men will struggle against Man Utd, they're not just the champions because they won the league you know, the also have great players. Let's just hope the ref can keep up with them.
Verdict 2-1
Portsmouth v Tottenham
Harry Redknapp will get a lot of stick on his return to Fratton Park but I think that's unfair. He bought in a lot of great players and still made a profit. Seriously I've seen his house, it's huge. He must've made a packet off all those players he brought in.
Verdict 1-3
Stoke v West Ham
Back when I was younger Stoke v West Ham was always a display of beautiful football. But only one of these teams has stuck to the sort of football the purists like to see. Whereas West Ham have let some short-arse foreigner ruin them.
Verdict 1-0
Sunderland v Liverpool
It's far too early to write Liverpool off. They may have lost three games but they've got a couple of genuine world class match winners in their team. Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher. With those two in the team anything is possible. Even with makeweights like Torres.
Verdict 0-2
Blackburn v Burnley
Now this is what football is all about, a passionate Northern derby day. This will be like a clash of the titans, only bigger. It'll be more like two gods going up against each other. It'll be end to end, violent, ugly football. A true, true classic.
Verdict 0-0
Wigan v Man City
This could be a tough game for City. They've had a lot of players away in far-flung places this week so tiredness could be a factor. This is why you shouldn't have all the "world class" foreigners in your squad. You wouldn't have caught the likes of Michael Ball, Darius Vassell and Paul Dickov swanning off on international duty would you?
Verdict 1-1
Fulham v Hull City
Hull need a few good results on the trot if they want to have any hope of staying up. But they'll struggle here against Fulham's English spine of Andy Johnson, Danny Murphy and Brede Hangeland. Wait, Hangeland isn't English. I can't believe I'd make such a stupid mistake, that's never happened before.
Verdict 1-1
Friday 2 October 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 03/10/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Sometimes I look at the youngsters playing football and I think to myself "Dave, you're getting old." But with age comes wisdom, take Ryan Giggs for example, he may be getting on a bit but he's still canny enough to play his part for Man Utd. How he's never been picked for England I'll never know.
Bolton v Tottenham
Unlike their North London neighbours Tottenham don't need to play football to win games. But their strong British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane will have to be at their battling best today because Bolton are capable of breaking anybody's spine. And that's how the game should be played.
Verdict 1-1
Burnley v Birmingham
Burnley are formidable at home. Tenacious, committed and full of good old English grit, just like a bulldog. In fact I used to have a bulldog which I fed entirely on grit. He didn't live long but he sure as hell went for the postman. That'll teach the Royal Mail to hire foreigners. I mean who's ever even heard of place called Guernsey?
Verdict 1-0
Hull v Wigan
First Burnley v Birmingham no this. Could this be the grittiest fixture list ever? I'll tell you what; I might not be able to predict the result but I sure as hell know there won't be any icy roads in Hull tonight. Because of the grit, you see. That was a joke. Maybe I should just stick to predictions, I'm far better at them.
Verdict 6-5
Wolves v Portsmouth
A lot of people would struggle to work up any enthusiasm for this match, but not me. I'm not even going to try.
Verdict 1-2
Manchester Utd v Sunderland
Man Utd showed what a good side they are in the Champions League this week. They may have left it late against Wolfsburg but they got the result and that's what matters at this level. I can see them doing exactly the same to Sunderland.
Verdict 3-0
Arsenal v Blackburn
Theo Walcott might be available for this match, which is good because I can't remember the last time an Englishman played for the Gunners. Cliff Bastin probably. It took a long time for Arsenal to open up Olympiakos in midweek and that's just not good enough at this level. Big Sam's Blackburn won't let Arsenal's fruity foreigners off so easily.
Verdict 0-2
Everton v Stoke
Everton struggle going forward. Saha is their best striker but let's face it he's a Man Utd reject. That says a lot about Everton's Champions League aspirations if you ask me. You wouldn't get a team like Man City, say, buying players who couldn't hold down a place at Old Trafford. Stoke have a long throw and that could be the difference here.
Verdict 1-2
West Ham v Fulham
Fulham were unlucky against Arsenal last week whereas West Ham are lucky to even be in the Premiership with Zola in charge. Height isn't everything in management but how can you take a man seriously when he could be twice as tall and you'd still have to kneel down to headbutt him?
Verdict 0-2
Chelsea v Liverpool
Football is a team game and both of these clubs have fantastic players all over the park but this can really be boiled down to Terry v Gerrard. The irresistible force coming up against the immovable object. You can only really see it ending one way: apocalypse. Or a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Aston Villa v Man City
This sort of game is a pundit's nightmare, and a lazy pundit would sit on the fence and call it a draw. But I didn't get my Diploma in Punditry by being lazy. I paid Steve Claridge five grand for it.
Verdict 1-1
Bolton v Tottenham
Unlike their North London neighbours Tottenham don't need to play football to win games. But their strong British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane will have to be at their battling best today because Bolton are capable of breaking anybody's spine. And that's how the game should be played.
Verdict 1-1
Burnley v Birmingham
Burnley are formidable at home. Tenacious, committed and full of good old English grit, just like a bulldog. In fact I used to have a bulldog which I fed entirely on grit. He didn't live long but he sure as hell went for the postman. That'll teach the Royal Mail to hire foreigners. I mean who's ever even heard of place called Guernsey?
Verdict 1-0
Hull v Wigan
First Burnley v Birmingham no this. Could this be the grittiest fixture list ever? I'll tell you what; I might not be able to predict the result but I sure as hell know there won't be any icy roads in Hull tonight. Because of the grit, you see. That was a joke. Maybe I should just stick to predictions, I'm far better at them.
Verdict 6-5
Wolves v Portsmouth
A lot of people would struggle to work up any enthusiasm for this match, but not me. I'm not even going to try.
Verdict 1-2
Manchester Utd v Sunderland
Man Utd showed what a good side they are in the Champions League this week. They may have left it late against Wolfsburg but they got the result and that's what matters at this level. I can see them doing exactly the same to Sunderland.
Verdict 3-0
Arsenal v Blackburn
Theo Walcott might be available for this match, which is good because I can't remember the last time an Englishman played for the Gunners. Cliff Bastin probably. It took a long time for Arsenal to open up Olympiakos in midweek and that's just not good enough at this level. Big Sam's Blackburn won't let Arsenal's fruity foreigners off so easily.
Verdict 0-2
Everton v Stoke
Everton struggle going forward. Saha is their best striker but let's face it he's a Man Utd reject. That says a lot about Everton's Champions League aspirations if you ask me. You wouldn't get a team like Man City, say, buying players who couldn't hold down a place at Old Trafford. Stoke have a long throw and that could be the difference here.
Verdict 1-2
West Ham v Fulham
Fulham were unlucky against Arsenal last week whereas West Ham are lucky to even be in the Premiership with Zola in charge. Height isn't everything in management but how can you take a man seriously when he could be twice as tall and you'd still have to kneel down to headbutt him?
Verdict 0-2
Chelsea v Liverpool
Football is a team game and both of these clubs have fantastic players all over the park but this can really be boiled down to Terry v Gerrard. The irresistible force coming up against the immovable object. You can only really see it ending one way: apocalypse. Or a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Aston Villa v Man City
This sort of game is a pundit's nightmare, and a lazy pundit would sit on the fence and call it a draw. But I didn't get my Diploma in Punditry by being lazy. I paid Steve Claridge five grand for it.
Verdict 1-1
Friday 25 September 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 26/09/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Much has been made about the injury time that is added on at the end of matches. This is not a new phenomena, I remember a match I was involved in that had eight minutes of injury time. Luckily I'd been sent off for breaking someone's leg, so I still managed to get to the pub in time to see the vidiprinter on Grandstand.
Portsmouth v Everton
Fratton Park is a fortress. However it's not a very good one. You wouldn't put your crown jewels in there would you? Especially since Sol Campbell left. Everton have managed to recover from their poor start and I expect them to literally stuff Pompey.
Verdict 1-2
Birmingham v Bolton
I fully expect this to be a rip-roaring battle. Birmingham have a lot of injuries and I'm sure they'll pick up a few more here. Now I can't condone horror tackles but I'd be very disappointed if there weren't any in this game.
Verdict 0-0
Blackburn v Aston Villa
They say the sign of a good team is that they can win even when they're not playing good football. Villa seem to have got the knack of this so far this season. However, Big Sam Allardyce is the master of rubbish football, so Villa could struggle here.
Verdict 1-1
Liverpool v Hull
Liverpool are firing on all cylinders now, which is bad news for Hull. It's far too early in the season to start talking about firing managers but Phil Brown has got to start getting results or he could be for the chop, which would be a shame, what other manager's skin colour matches the team's kits?
Verdict 3-1
Stoke v Manchester Utd
Man Utd v Man City was 4-3, Stoke v Blackpool was 4-3, but I can't see this one being another 4-3 thriller.
Verdict 3-4
Tottenham v Burnley
Spurs have fallen away a bit after their good start and they were very unfortunate to lose Ledley King to injury against Chelsea. You just can't prepare for that. However they still have a strong English spine with Huddlestone, Jenas and Keane, so I expect them to see off Burnley here.
Verdict 2-0
Wigan v Chelsea
Chelsea have had a fantastic start to the season and I think all the credit can go to one man; John Terry. He is a glorious leader and I don't think it's hyping him too much to put him on the same level as Winston Churchill. Perhaps even better. John Terry wouldn't have fought the Germans on the beaches, he'd have swum out to sea and beaten the hun to death with a large fish.
Verdict 0-3
Fulham v Arsenal
Arsenal proved in the Carling Cup that their youngsters are following in the first teams football. None more so than young Jack Wilshere, acting like a French tartlet when he clashed with Thomas. And what kind of a name is Wilshere anyway? Doesn't sound very English to me. Not like Stephen Ireland or Jason Scotland. Fulham will put Arsenal in their place.
Verdict 2-1
Sunderland v Wolves
When Mick McCarthy was in charge of Sunderland they were awful, he'll have a point to prove when he returns with Wolves. Sadly Wolves are rubbish so he's got no chance.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v West Ham
City suffered a set back against their Manchester rivals last week but they'll bounce back against Gianfranco Zola's West Ham. I'll make no bones about it I don't think Zola should be in charge of the Hammers. Something needs to be done about it. Perhaps a sign outside Upton Park that says 'you must be at least this tall to manage our club'.
Verdict 2-0
Portsmouth v Everton
Fratton Park is a fortress. However it's not a very good one. You wouldn't put your crown jewels in there would you? Especially since Sol Campbell left. Everton have managed to recover from their poor start and I expect them to literally stuff Pompey.
Verdict 1-2
Birmingham v Bolton
I fully expect this to be a rip-roaring battle. Birmingham have a lot of injuries and I'm sure they'll pick up a few more here. Now I can't condone horror tackles but I'd be very disappointed if there weren't any in this game.
Verdict 0-0
Blackburn v Aston Villa
They say the sign of a good team is that they can win even when they're not playing good football. Villa seem to have got the knack of this so far this season. However, Big Sam Allardyce is the master of rubbish football, so Villa could struggle here.
Verdict 1-1
Liverpool v Hull
Liverpool are firing on all cylinders now, which is bad news for Hull. It's far too early in the season to start talking about firing managers but Phil Brown has got to start getting results or he could be for the chop, which would be a shame, what other manager's skin colour matches the team's kits?
Verdict 3-1
Stoke v Manchester Utd
Man Utd v Man City was 4-3, Stoke v Blackpool was 4-3, but I can't see this one being another 4-3 thriller.
Verdict 3-4
Tottenham v Burnley
Spurs have fallen away a bit after their good start and they were very unfortunate to lose Ledley King to injury against Chelsea. You just can't prepare for that. However they still have a strong English spine with Huddlestone, Jenas and Keane, so I expect them to see off Burnley here.
Verdict 2-0
Wigan v Chelsea
Chelsea have had a fantastic start to the season and I think all the credit can go to one man; John Terry. He is a glorious leader and I don't think it's hyping him too much to put him on the same level as Winston Churchill. Perhaps even better. John Terry wouldn't have fought the Germans on the beaches, he'd have swum out to sea and beaten the hun to death with a large fish.
Verdict 0-3
Fulham v Arsenal
Arsenal proved in the Carling Cup that their youngsters are following in the first teams football. None more so than young Jack Wilshere, acting like a French tartlet when he clashed with Thomas. And what kind of a name is Wilshere anyway? Doesn't sound very English to me. Not like Stephen Ireland or Jason Scotland. Fulham will put Arsenal in their place.
Verdict 2-1
Sunderland v Wolves
When Mick McCarthy was in charge of Sunderland they were awful, he'll have a point to prove when he returns with Wolves. Sadly Wolves are rubbish so he's got no chance.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v West Ham
City suffered a set back against their Manchester rivals last week but they'll bounce back against Gianfranco Zola's West Ham. I'll make no bones about it I don't think Zola should be in charge of the Hammers. Something needs to be done about it. Perhaps a sign outside Upton Park that says 'you must be at least this tall to manage our club'.
Verdict 2-0
Friday 18 September 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 19/09/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Like the vast majority of people I was disgusted by Adebayor's stamp last weekend. This is just another example of how foreigners are ruining the game. If that had been a British player Van Persie wouldn't have been able to carry on after being booted in the face.
Burnley v Sunderland
Steve Bruce was possibly the finest Englishman never to play for England. It's just a shame he didn't have a Northern Irish Grandfather like me then Bruce could've made a real impact on the international scene. Burnley on the other hand have a proven Irish international as their manager so perhaps Owen Coyle's added experience could prove to be the difference here.
Verdict 1-0
Arsenal v Wigan
Last season this would have been an easy win for Wigan, Arsenal always struggled against middle of the table teams managed by proud Brits. But now Wigan have Martinez in charge this game will probably be full of foo-foo fancy-dan foreign free-flowing football and only one person loses out there; the fans. And Wigan probably.
Verdict 2-1
Aston Villa v Portsmouth
Aston Villa will take a lot from their victory over Birmingham last week, but quite frankly you don't need confidence to beat Pompey these days. You barely even need to turn up. In fact if Villa's bus got stuck in traffic on the way to the ground Pompey would still struggle to scrape a draw. But sadly for Portsmouth Villa are at home so that won't be a problem.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Stoke
Bolton are the absolute masters of so called anti-football, they're negative, dour, uninspiring and insipid and Stoke are their equals. This should be an absolute barn-stormer.
Verdict 0-0
Hull v Birmingham
If this was closer to the end of the season it would be a real six pointer but because it's near the start only three points are up for grabs. Which is a shame because six points would be very handy for both teams. But they'll probably get one each.
Verdict 1-1
West Ham v Liverpool
Liverpool had a slow start but I think they're right back in the swing of things now and they'll make West Ham feel very small and insignificant. Which their manager already is, of course.
Verdict 0-3
Man Utd v Man City
It's impossible to predict derby games like this. They can go either way and form and pedigree goes out of the window. But Manchester United will win this, without a doubt. Both teams are in good form, but Man Utd just have that little bit extra class.
Verdict 2-1
Wolves v Fulham
This one is difficult for me to predict. Mainly because I don't know anything about Wolves. Nor do I care.
Verdict 0-2
Everton v Blackburn
This will be a tough ask for Everton, they've looked fragile this season and if there's any team you don't want to play it's Big Sam's Blackburn. They will literally snap you in half if you let them. Like twigs, or Brazilian's legs. It's about time that David Moyes got himself a size-based nickname, I doubt you can succeed in football without one. I myself was known as 'Bloated' Dave Pundit.
Verdict 0-1
Chelsea v Tottenham
They've saved the best until last this weekend. Can Tottenham's English spine of King, Huddlestone and Keane match up to Chelsea's spine of John Terry? The answer is no. Nothing is stronger than John Terry's spine. Except maybe John Terry's English pride. Quite frankly if his spine and his patriotism ever collided it would destroy Switzerland. So we can only hope it happens soon.
Verdict 2-1
Burnley v Sunderland
Steve Bruce was possibly the finest Englishman never to play for England. It's just a shame he didn't have a Northern Irish Grandfather like me then Bruce could've made a real impact on the international scene. Burnley on the other hand have a proven Irish international as their manager so perhaps Owen Coyle's added experience could prove to be the difference here.
Verdict 1-0
Arsenal v Wigan
Last season this would have been an easy win for Wigan, Arsenal always struggled against middle of the table teams managed by proud Brits. But now Wigan have Martinez in charge this game will probably be full of foo-foo fancy-dan foreign free-flowing football and only one person loses out there; the fans. And Wigan probably.
Verdict 2-1
Aston Villa v Portsmouth
Aston Villa will take a lot from their victory over Birmingham last week, but quite frankly you don't need confidence to beat Pompey these days. You barely even need to turn up. In fact if Villa's bus got stuck in traffic on the way to the ground Pompey would still struggle to scrape a draw. But sadly for Portsmouth Villa are at home so that won't be a problem.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Stoke
Bolton are the absolute masters of so called anti-football, they're negative, dour, uninspiring and insipid and Stoke are their equals. This should be an absolute barn-stormer.
Verdict 0-0
Hull v Birmingham
If this was closer to the end of the season it would be a real six pointer but because it's near the start only three points are up for grabs. Which is a shame because six points would be very handy for both teams. But they'll probably get one each.
Verdict 1-1
West Ham v Liverpool
Liverpool had a slow start but I think they're right back in the swing of things now and they'll make West Ham feel very small and insignificant. Which their manager already is, of course.
Verdict 0-3
Man Utd v Man City
It's impossible to predict derby games like this. They can go either way and form and pedigree goes out of the window. But Manchester United will win this, without a doubt. Both teams are in good form, but Man Utd just have that little bit extra class.
Verdict 2-1
Wolves v Fulham
This one is difficult for me to predict. Mainly because I don't know anything about Wolves. Nor do I care.
Verdict 0-2
Everton v Blackburn
This will be a tough ask for Everton, they've looked fragile this season and if there's any team you don't want to play it's Big Sam's Blackburn. They will literally snap you in half if you let them. Like twigs, or Brazilian's legs. It's about time that David Moyes got himself a size-based nickname, I doubt you can succeed in football without one. I myself was known as 'Bloated' Dave Pundit.
Verdict 0-1
Chelsea v Tottenham
They've saved the best until last this weekend. Can Tottenham's English spine of King, Huddlestone and Keane match up to Chelsea's spine of John Terry? The answer is no. Nothing is stronger than John Terry's spine. Except maybe John Terry's English pride. Quite frankly if his spine and his patriotism ever collided it would destroy Switzerland. So we can only hope it happens soon.
Verdict 2-1
Friday 11 September 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 12/09/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people are building up England's chances for the World Cup after their destruction of Croatia. But quite frankly we should be beating tinpot countries like that. I mean where the hell is Croatia? When I played for Northern Ireland we would have to face real countries like Germany, Italy and Yugoslavia.
Blackburn v Wolverhampton
When Wolves looked at the fixture list they would have been dreading this encounter. Big Sam will tell his plays to literally go out and eat Wolves for breakfast. Wolves will have to be prepared for a real battle here and I don't think they'll be up to it. Does their manager have a nickname? No. In fact I barely know who he is.
Verdict 2-0
Liverpool v Burnley
Burnley haven't got a hope have they? Fresh from his single-handed demolition of Croatia Steven Gerrard will crush Burnley like the ants they are. Let's face it there's no chance of Burnley ever beating a top four team.
Verdict 3-0
Man City v Arsenal
If Man City want to break into the top four they'll have to win the big games. And this is an ideal way to prepare themselves for those big games. Arsenal have proven time and time again that they're just a bunch of diving foreigners. Let's hope Man City don't get suckered by Arsenal's evil players like Eduardo. Is there a worse person on the face of the earth? No.
Verdict 2-1
Portsmouth v Bolton
Both teams will be looking at this game to kickstart their seasons. It'll be a rip-snorting clash, with every player giving their all for the full 90 minutes plus injury time, which there's bound to be a ton of. It'll be exciting, violent and wonderful. The sort of game football was made for. I can't hype it up enough. This will be magnificent.
Verdict 0-0
Stoke v Chelsea
I have a lot of time for Stoke. They did fantastically last season and beat the drop comfortably without ever having to resort to playing football. But they've met their match in that department with Chelsea. If John Terry went out their on his own Chelsea would still win. But then that applies to every Chelsea game. In fact perhaps they should try it, those other players are clearly holding Terry back.
Verdict 0-2
Sunderland v Hull
Is there a more English name than Steve Bruce? Think of all the famous English Bruce's, Bruce Forsyth and Robert the Bruce. That's about it actually. But the point is still valid. Steve Bruce is as English as they come and that will stand him in good stead. Phil Brown is also English but he's tanned like a Spaniard, so Sunderland have the edge.
Verdict 1-0
Wigan v West Ham
This is a match between two proud clubs that have had their heritage ruined by employing foreign managers. I'm glad there weren't any foreigners in my day. I imagine both manager will want their teams to play free-flowing, attractive football. I hate games like that it makes me want to just walk on the pitch, break someones leg and then go down the pub. Just like the old days.
Verdict 2-2
Tottenham v Man Utd
The game of the weekend, no doubt. Two teams with great English spines. Woodgate, Huddlestone and Keane vs Rooney, Carrick and Evans. What a prospect. Those lads have spines like Superman. Unbreakable. But one of them will have to snap, like Christopher Reeve. And it'll be Tottenham, because Man Utd are the Champions, it's as simple as that.
Verdict 1-2
Birmingham v Aston Villa
Not quite northern enough to be counted as a proper derby game but it should be a cracker nonetheless. With McLeish and O'Neill up against it could be described as a real battle of Britain but O'Neill is Irish so that would be inaccurate. It should still be a good duel though.
Verdict 1-1
Fulham v Everton
Both of these teams look like they could struggle to match last seasons lofty heights. However with a bit of graft I can see Everton managing to snatch 5th spot. And Fulham will probably have to settle for about 7th or something. However both teams will be settling for a draw in this match.
Verdict 1-1
Blackburn v Wolverhampton
When Wolves looked at the fixture list they would have been dreading this encounter. Big Sam will tell his plays to literally go out and eat Wolves for breakfast. Wolves will have to be prepared for a real battle here and I don't think they'll be up to it. Does their manager have a nickname? No. In fact I barely know who he is.
Verdict 2-0
Liverpool v Burnley
Burnley haven't got a hope have they? Fresh from his single-handed demolition of Croatia Steven Gerrard will crush Burnley like the ants they are. Let's face it there's no chance of Burnley ever beating a top four team.
Verdict 3-0
Man City v Arsenal
If Man City want to break into the top four they'll have to win the big games. And this is an ideal way to prepare themselves for those big games. Arsenal have proven time and time again that they're just a bunch of diving foreigners. Let's hope Man City don't get suckered by Arsenal's evil players like Eduardo. Is there a worse person on the face of the earth? No.
Verdict 2-1
Portsmouth v Bolton
Both teams will be looking at this game to kickstart their seasons. It'll be a rip-snorting clash, with every player giving their all for the full 90 minutes plus injury time, which there's bound to be a ton of. It'll be exciting, violent and wonderful. The sort of game football was made for. I can't hype it up enough. This will be magnificent.
Verdict 0-0
Stoke v Chelsea
I have a lot of time for Stoke. They did fantastically last season and beat the drop comfortably without ever having to resort to playing football. But they've met their match in that department with Chelsea. If John Terry went out their on his own Chelsea would still win. But then that applies to every Chelsea game. In fact perhaps they should try it, those other players are clearly holding Terry back.
Verdict 0-2
Sunderland v Hull
Is there a more English name than Steve Bruce? Think of all the famous English Bruce's, Bruce Forsyth and Robert the Bruce. That's about it actually. But the point is still valid. Steve Bruce is as English as they come and that will stand him in good stead. Phil Brown is also English but he's tanned like a Spaniard, so Sunderland have the edge.
Verdict 1-0
Wigan v West Ham
This is a match between two proud clubs that have had their heritage ruined by employing foreign managers. I'm glad there weren't any foreigners in my day. I imagine both manager will want their teams to play free-flowing, attractive football. I hate games like that it makes me want to just walk on the pitch, break someones leg and then go down the pub. Just like the old days.
Verdict 2-2
Tottenham v Man Utd
The game of the weekend, no doubt. Two teams with great English spines. Woodgate, Huddlestone and Keane vs Rooney, Carrick and Evans. What a prospect. Those lads have spines like Superman. Unbreakable. But one of them will have to snap, like Christopher Reeve. And it'll be Tottenham, because Man Utd are the Champions, it's as simple as that.
Verdict 1-2
Birmingham v Aston Villa
Not quite northern enough to be counted as a proper derby game but it should be a cracker nonetheless. With McLeish and O'Neill up against it could be described as a real battle of Britain but O'Neill is Irish so that would be inaccurate. It should still be a good duel though.
Verdict 1-1
Fulham v Everton
Both of these teams look like they could struggle to match last seasons lofty heights. However with a bit of graft I can see Everton managing to snatch 5th spot. And Fulham will probably have to settle for about 7th or something. However both teams will be settling for a draw in this match.
Verdict 1-1
Friday 28 August 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 29/08/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. People often ask me why the modern footballer complains of being tired when we're only two weeks into the season. I have to say if they're anything like me it's because they've got a raging hangover. Although these days the players could just have a vodka and Red Bull in the morning and they'd be fine. So it remains a mystery I guess. Perhaps they're just soft? I never complained of tiredness myself. I just went for a kip and hope the manager didn't need to sub me on too early in the game.
Chelsea v Burnley
Chelsea are the favourites for the title and that is only right and proper. It would be an insult to John Terry if his team weren't favourites. The man is literally a born winner. He came out and straight away put in perfectly timed challenge on the midwife. Snapped her leg in two. Glorious. This will be Burnley's toughest test so far and one they'll fail miserably.
Verdict 2-0
Blackburn v West Ham
West Ham's fans were disgraceful at Millwall this week. I blame Gianfranco Zola, he's clearly brought the hooligan element of the Italian 'Ultras' with him, I can't imagine the Hammer's fans would've ever got into trouble before he came along. I hate hooliganism, there's no place for violence in sport. Let's hope Big Sam's Blackburn boot the West Ham players off the park.
Verdict 1-0
Bolton v Liverpool
It's far to early to write Liverpool off. You only have to look at their past record to show that they are always genuine contenders for the league. It's no secret that I played almost six games for this fine club and unlike most former Liverpool players turned pundits I have to say I really think this year could be their year.
Verdict 0-2
Stoke v Sunderland
Now this is the sort of fixture I can really get my teeth into. It'll be a true British match, full of grit, determination and a total lack of finesse. What more could anyone ask for? Maybe someone who could launch a throw in from one end of the pitch to the other. Which match has also got. It really has got it all.
Verdict 0-0
Tottenham v Birmingham
Tottenham have had a fantastic start to the season but they have to remember this is a marathon not a sprint. And there's only one way to win a marathon; have a strong English spine. Let's face it, Paula Radcliffe wouldn't have got far without her spine would she? And quite frankly Jermain Defoe, Jermaine Jenas and Ledley King are looking more like Paula Radcliffe every day.
Verdict 3-1
Wolves v Hull
It would be easy not to care about this fixture.
Verdict 0-1
Man Utd v Arsenal
Eduardo's blatant dive was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. And I once woke up half way through my own liver transplant. In my day you no one dived. You just took the tackle, and the resulting broken leg, like a man. Quite frankly if someone broke Eduardo's leg I doubt he'd ever get over it.
Verdict 2-1
Portsmouth v Man City
Many people have questioned whether Lescott was worth £24m. Well of course he was. He's an England international for God's sake. That instantly triples your worth. Real Madrid paid £80m for Ronaldo and he's never played for England. Lescott was a bargain. Portsmouth will struggle against City's new look English spine of Lescott, Barry and Bellamy.
Verdict 0-2
Everton v Wigan
Everton have had a dreadful start to the season and the loss of Lescott will only hamper them more, they might have signed Diniyar Bilyaletdinov but I can't see that doing much except annoy commentators. Wigan have been a bit hit and miss so far and they need to recover last seasons form unfortunately for them they no longer have an Englishman in charge so they may well struggle.
Verdict 2-2
Aston Villa v Fulham
Villa were lucky to beat Liverpool last week. I imagine both teams will attempt to play fast flowing football, quick passing and good movement. Hopefully the fans won't be too disappointed.
Verdict 2-1
Chelsea v Burnley
Chelsea are the favourites for the title and that is only right and proper. It would be an insult to John Terry if his team weren't favourites. The man is literally a born winner. He came out and straight away put in perfectly timed challenge on the midwife. Snapped her leg in two. Glorious. This will be Burnley's toughest test so far and one they'll fail miserably.
Verdict 2-0
Blackburn v West Ham
West Ham's fans were disgraceful at Millwall this week. I blame Gianfranco Zola, he's clearly brought the hooligan element of the Italian 'Ultras' with him, I can't imagine the Hammer's fans would've ever got into trouble before he came along. I hate hooliganism, there's no place for violence in sport. Let's hope Big Sam's Blackburn boot the West Ham players off the park.
Verdict 1-0
Bolton v Liverpool
It's far to early to write Liverpool off. You only have to look at their past record to show that they are always genuine contenders for the league. It's no secret that I played almost six games for this fine club and unlike most former Liverpool players turned pundits I have to say I really think this year could be their year.
Verdict 0-2
Stoke v Sunderland
Now this is the sort of fixture I can really get my teeth into. It'll be a true British match, full of grit, determination and a total lack of finesse. What more could anyone ask for? Maybe someone who could launch a throw in from one end of the pitch to the other. Which match has also got. It really has got it all.
Verdict 0-0
Tottenham v Birmingham
Tottenham have had a fantastic start to the season but they have to remember this is a marathon not a sprint. And there's only one way to win a marathon; have a strong English spine. Let's face it, Paula Radcliffe wouldn't have got far without her spine would she? And quite frankly Jermain Defoe, Jermaine Jenas and Ledley King are looking more like Paula Radcliffe every day.
Verdict 3-1
Wolves v Hull
It would be easy not to care about this fixture.
Verdict 0-1
Man Utd v Arsenal
Eduardo's blatant dive was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. And I once woke up half way through my own liver transplant. In my day you no one dived. You just took the tackle, and the resulting broken leg, like a man. Quite frankly if someone broke Eduardo's leg I doubt he'd ever get over it.
Verdict 2-1
Portsmouth v Man City
Many people have questioned whether Lescott was worth £24m. Well of course he was. He's an England international for God's sake. That instantly triples your worth. Real Madrid paid £80m for Ronaldo and he's never played for England. Lescott was a bargain. Portsmouth will struggle against City's new look English spine of Lescott, Barry and Bellamy.
Verdict 0-2
Everton v Wigan
Everton have had a dreadful start to the season and the loss of Lescott will only hamper them more, they might have signed Diniyar Bilyaletdinov but I can't see that doing much except annoy commentators. Wigan have been a bit hit and miss so far and they need to recover last seasons form unfortunately for them they no longer have an Englishman in charge so they may well struggle.
Verdict 2-2
Aston Villa v Fulham
Villa were lucky to beat Liverpool last week. I imagine both teams will attempt to play fast flowing football, quick passing and good movement. Hopefully the fans won't be too disappointed.
Verdict 2-1
Friday 21 August 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 22/08/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. The new season is well under way and already questions are being asked as to which manager will be the first to get sacked. I remember when I first started at Tranmere my gaffer was under a lot of pressure because everyone thought he had screwed up in the transfer market over the summer. But he didn't quit, that just wasn't his style. He had a nervous breakdown and had to take medical retirement.
Arsenal v Portsmouth
A lot of people have condemned Portsmouth to relegation already but not Tony Adams, who as far as I'm aware was the last Englishman to play for Arsenal. I have to say I agree and I can see Pompey getting their campaign on track here. Let's face it they're not going to be intimidated by the Arsenal fans are they? It's so quiet at the Emirates you could hear a mouse trump.
Verdict 0-1
Birmingham v Stoke
I expect this to be a tough battle for both teams. It'll literally be a fire and brimstone affair. In fact I imagine there'll be more injuries than goals. All in all it has the makings of a true classic.
Verdict 0-0
Hull v Bolton
Birmingham v Stoke, Hull v Bolton could this be the best week of fixtures ever? The problem for Hull is defending and the problem for Bolton is that referees pick on Kevin Davies. But what do they expect he makes typical strikers tackles, clumsy and dangerous. He just needs to get rid of the clumsiness and then he'll be fine. But he's a forward who's willing to do his bit for the time and get stuck in. Let's face it that's far more important than these fancy dan foreign strikers with their 'goals' and 'assists'.
Verdict 0-1
Man City v Wolves
It would be easy to say that newly-promoted Wolves will go straight back down. So that's just what I'll do. Newly-promoted Wolves will go straight back down.
Verdict 2-0
Sunderland v Blackburn
Seriously, if I wasn't such a man I'd cry with delight at the fixture list. But I am a man, and so are most of the players in these two teams. I mean any team with Steve Bruce as a manager has to be manly. What's more manly than the name Bruce? And as for Big Sam what a manly nickname that is. I had a girlfriend nicknamed Big Brenda once, and she turned out to be a man.
Verdict 1-1
Wigan v Man Utd
Man Utd's loss against Burnley was a mere blip. Their spine is far to strong and English to be upset like that again. They just need to get rid of that Vidic chap and bring in a good English defender like Jonny Evans and they'll be sorted. Wigan haven't got a chance.
Verdict 0-3
West Ham v Tottenham
Harry Redknapp returns to his former club and I bet they wish they still had him in charge rather than some jumped up little Italian dwarf. Tottenham are sitting pretty at the top of the league and I can't see anyone displacing them. They are nailed on to clinch 4th spot in my book.
Verdict 0-2
Burnley v Everton
Everton were destroyed by Arsenal's quick passing game last week and I for one was disgusted. Why didn't David Moyes just resort to hacking Arsenal off the pitch? It's the English way. Let's not forget though that Everton finished 5th last year. I just don't think Burnley could ever hope to beat a team of that calibre.
Verdict 0-1
Fulham v Chelsea
Let's face it this isn't a proper local derby is it? Liverpool v Man Utd that's a proper local derby. This is just a couple of teams from an overpriced part of London poncing around. Well it would be if it wasn't for John Terry. He's like a local derby all on his own. In fact I'd go one step further I'd say John Terry is his very own civil war.
Verdict 0-3
Liverpool v Aston Villa
Both teams have had slow start to the season but Liverpool proved that they're still contenders with their 4-0 win in midweek. Villa on the other hand couldn't even beat Rapid Vienna. Quite frankly times are bad when you can't even beat a mid table German team.
Verdict 3-1
Arsenal v Portsmouth
A lot of people have condemned Portsmouth to relegation already but not Tony Adams, who as far as I'm aware was the last Englishman to play for Arsenal. I have to say I agree and I can see Pompey getting their campaign on track here. Let's face it they're not going to be intimidated by the Arsenal fans are they? It's so quiet at the Emirates you could hear a mouse trump.
Verdict 0-1
Birmingham v Stoke
I expect this to be a tough battle for both teams. It'll literally be a fire and brimstone affair. In fact I imagine there'll be more injuries than goals. All in all it has the makings of a true classic.
Verdict 0-0
Hull v Bolton
Birmingham v Stoke, Hull v Bolton could this be the best week of fixtures ever? The problem for Hull is defending and the problem for Bolton is that referees pick on Kevin Davies. But what do they expect he makes typical strikers tackles, clumsy and dangerous. He just needs to get rid of the clumsiness and then he'll be fine. But he's a forward who's willing to do his bit for the time and get stuck in. Let's face it that's far more important than these fancy dan foreign strikers with their 'goals' and 'assists'.
Verdict 0-1
Man City v Wolves
It would be easy to say that newly-promoted Wolves will go straight back down. So that's just what I'll do. Newly-promoted Wolves will go straight back down.
Verdict 2-0
Sunderland v Blackburn
Seriously, if I wasn't such a man I'd cry with delight at the fixture list. But I am a man, and so are most of the players in these two teams. I mean any team with Steve Bruce as a manager has to be manly. What's more manly than the name Bruce? And as for Big Sam what a manly nickname that is. I had a girlfriend nicknamed Big Brenda once, and she turned out to be a man.
Verdict 1-1
Wigan v Man Utd
Man Utd's loss against Burnley was a mere blip. Their spine is far to strong and English to be upset like that again. They just need to get rid of that Vidic chap and bring in a good English defender like Jonny Evans and they'll be sorted. Wigan haven't got a chance.
Verdict 0-3
West Ham v Tottenham
Harry Redknapp returns to his former club and I bet they wish they still had him in charge rather than some jumped up little Italian dwarf. Tottenham are sitting pretty at the top of the league and I can't see anyone displacing them. They are nailed on to clinch 4th spot in my book.
Verdict 0-2
Burnley v Everton
Everton were destroyed by Arsenal's quick passing game last week and I for one was disgusted. Why didn't David Moyes just resort to hacking Arsenal off the pitch? It's the English way. Let's not forget though that Everton finished 5th last year. I just don't think Burnley could ever hope to beat a team of that calibre.
Verdict 0-1
Fulham v Chelsea
Let's face it this isn't a proper local derby is it? Liverpool v Man Utd that's a proper local derby. This is just a couple of teams from an overpriced part of London poncing around. Well it would be if it wasn't for John Terry. He's like a local derby all on his own. In fact I'd go one step further I'd say John Terry is his very own civil war.
Verdict 0-3
Liverpool v Aston Villa
Both teams have had slow start to the season but Liverpool proved that they're still contenders with their 4-0 win in midweek. Villa on the other hand couldn't even beat Rapid Vienna. Quite frankly times are bad when you can't even beat a mid table German team.
Verdict 3-1
Thursday 13 August 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 15/08/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. The first day of the season always throws up some surprises and not just for the players. I remember one year no one was more surprised than my Liverpool gaffer when I turned up on the first game. I was fit, I was sober and I'd been sold to Tranmere the week before.
Aston Villa v Wigan
Aston Villa broke many hearts last season when they couldn't take 4th spot from Arsenal. I, for one, was livid. And this year they've lost their talismanic captain, Gareth Barry. I only found out he was talismanic recently. It came as quite a shock, I'd always thought he was English. Still they should be strong enough to destroy a Wigan team that have been severely weakened by bringing in a foreigner as a manager.
Verdict 3-0
Blackburn v Man City
A lot of people think Mark Hughes has gone crazy in the transfer market this summer. Adebayor, Tevez, Santa Cruz. They can't all partner Craig Bellamy.Although they are all foreign so one golf club to the head from the Welsh wizard and they'll be demanding a transfer so perhaps he's wise to have back up. The problem is can all the signings gel? Not against Big Sam's Blackburn I fear. If anyone knows how to get dirty with Hughes's gel it's him.
Verdict 1-0
Bolton v Sunderland
Sunderland are bound to improve now they've got rid of the foreign sounding bloke and brought in Steve Bruce. What could be more English than the name Bruce? The last bloke was called Ricky, which sounds suspiciously Australian to me. However, Sunderland will have their work cut out against Bolton who will literally fight to the death. That's what football should be about.
Verdict 0-0
Chelsea v Hull
John Terry has proven his loyalty by turning down Man City's riches. What a guy. Not for him the fast cars, flashy lifestyle, the parties and the inevitable fights in night clubs that would come with all that cash. Oh no, that's not John Terry's style at all. He'll stay in virtual poverty at Chelsea because he can't betray the club he loves. God bless that man, he makes you proud to be British.
Verdict 2-0
Everton v Arsenal
I can't believe Joleon Lescott hasn't made more effort to force a move to City, think of all the beer he could buy on Man City's wages. Only an idiot would turn that down. Still Everton will be glad he's stayed. He's the lynchpin of their team. However, I'd fancy them to beat Arsenal's gallic midgets even without him. Quite frankly Arsenal need more strength, more height and less skilful players if they want to hold on to 4th place.
Verdict 1-0
Portsmouth v Fulham
Roy Hodgson was my manager of the season last year. Well apart from Alex Ferguson obviously. Fergie spent loads of money and won the league, not many managers can do that. Hodgson just got his team to play well. Many people have predicted Pompey to go down, but i think that's a bit premature, you can't make crazy guesses like that before a ball has been kicked.
Verdict 0-6
Stoke v Burnley
Can Burnley be this season's Stoke? Not if they try and play football they can't. Stoke have grit, determination and long throws. But not only that they also have determination, long throws and grit. Combine all those elements and what are you left with? Long throws, grit and determination. And that's what wins games. Not playing football.
Verdict 1-0
Wolves v West Ham
A lot of people have praised Gianfranco Zola for the job he's done at West Ham but to be honest I can't have any respect for a man who has to look up to your average jockey. Mick McCarthy is much taller and on that alone I think he deserves to keep Wolves up. He won't be able to, but he should at least get a win here.
Verdict 1-0
Man Utd v Birmingham
Everyone's favourite leg breakers Birmingham are back and if they start where they left off they'll do well this year. It'll take more than broken legs to stop Man Utd though. When David Busst broke his leg against them did they stop winning? No. When Keane shattered Haaland's knee did man Utd stop winning? No. Man Utd are made of tougher stuff and I'm sure we'll see them end a few more careers this season and still go on to win. That's what makes a team great.
Verdict 2-0
Tottenham v Liverpool
Since I found out that Robbie Keane was not British and in fact is Irish it's made it easier to understand why he failed at Liverpool. Let's face it the Irish and Liverpool don't mix. Luckily Spurs still have a good English contingent; Woodgate, Jenas and Bale. It won't be enough to beat Liverpool though. Liverpool are much stronger this year and that's because they came so close to winning last year. And let's face there's no better way for players to understand how to win the league than by not winning it the year before.
Verdict 1-2
Aston Villa v Wigan
Aston Villa broke many hearts last season when they couldn't take 4th spot from Arsenal. I, for one, was livid. And this year they've lost their talismanic captain, Gareth Barry. I only found out he was talismanic recently. It came as quite a shock, I'd always thought he was English. Still they should be strong enough to destroy a Wigan team that have been severely weakened by bringing in a foreigner as a manager.
Verdict 3-0
Blackburn v Man City
A lot of people think Mark Hughes has gone crazy in the transfer market this summer. Adebayor, Tevez, Santa Cruz. They can't all partner Craig Bellamy.Although they are all foreign so one golf club to the head from the Welsh wizard and they'll be demanding a transfer so perhaps he's wise to have back up. The problem is can all the signings gel? Not against Big Sam's Blackburn I fear. If anyone knows how to get dirty with Hughes's gel it's him.
Verdict 1-0
Bolton v Sunderland
Sunderland are bound to improve now they've got rid of the foreign sounding bloke and brought in Steve Bruce. What could be more English than the name Bruce? The last bloke was called Ricky, which sounds suspiciously Australian to me. However, Sunderland will have their work cut out against Bolton who will literally fight to the death. That's what football should be about.
Verdict 0-0
Chelsea v Hull
John Terry has proven his loyalty by turning down Man City's riches. What a guy. Not for him the fast cars, flashy lifestyle, the parties and the inevitable fights in night clubs that would come with all that cash. Oh no, that's not John Terry's style at all. He'll stay in virtual poverty at Chelsea because he can't betray the club he loves. God bless that man, he makes you proud to be British.
Verdict 2-0
Everton v Arsenal
I can't believe Joleon Lescott hasn't made more effort to force a move to City, think of all the beer he could buy on Man City's wages. Only an idiot would turn that down. Still Everton will be glad he's stayed. He's the lynchpin of their team. However, I'd fancy them to beat Arsenal's gallic midgets even without him. Quite frankly Arsenal need more strength, more height and less skilful players if they want to hold on to 4th place.
Verdict 1-0
Portsmouth v Fulham
Roy Hodgson was my manager of the season last year. Well apart from Alex Ferguson obviously. Fergie spent loads of money and won the league, not many managers can do that. Hodgson just got his team to play well. Many people have predicted Pompey to go down, but i think that's a bit premature, you can't make crazy guesses like that before a ball has been kicked.
Verdict 0-6
Stoke v Burnley
Can Burnley be this season's Stoke? Not if they try and play football they can't. Stoke have grit, determination and long throws. But not only that they also have determination, long throws and grit. Combine all those elements and what are you left with? Long throws, grit and determination. And that's what wins games. Not playing football.
Verdict 1-0
Wolves v West Ham
A lot of people have praised Gianfranco Zola for the job he's done at West Ham but to be honest I can't have any respect for a man who has to look up to your average jockey. Mick McCarthy is much taller and on that alone I think he deserves to keep Wolves up. He won't be able to, but he should at least get a win here.
Verdict 1-0
Man Utd v Birmingham
Everyone's favourite leg breakers Birmingham are back and if they start where they left off they'll do well this year. It'll take more than broken legs to stop Man Utd though. When David Busst broke his leg against them did they stop winning? No. When Keane shattered Haaland's knee did man Utd stop winning? No. Man Utd are made of tougher stuff and I'm sure we'll see them end a few more careers this season and still go on to win. That's what makes a team great.
Verdict 2-0
Tottenham v Liverpool
Since I found out that Robbie Keane was not British and in fact is Irish it's made it easier to understand why he failed at Liverpool. Let's face it the Irish and Liverpool don't mix. Luckily Spurs still have a good English contingent; Woodgate, Jenas and Bale. It won't be enough to beat Liverpool though. Liverpool are much stronger this year and that's because they came so close to winning last year. And let's face there's no better way for players to understand how to win the league than by not winning it the year before.
Verdict 1-2
Monday 3 August 2009
Dave Pundit On The New Season
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. People often ask me how do I get through the dull, monotony of the summer without football to keep me entertained. Well it's really quite simple. When I get to the pub in the morning I go straight on to hard liquor rather than having a few beers first like I would during the season.
The Community Shield is less than a week away and the traditional curtain raiser will herald in a bright new season. In my day it was known as the Charity Shield which I found much more preferable. As an ex-footballer I was always more than happy to do my bit for charity. However, if I wanted to lend my services to the community I wouldn't have bribed the judge to let me off when I was up on a trumped up charge last month. The day I accept that it's illegal to follow your ex-wife back to her house, make a bivouac in her garden and scream up at her window about how she ruined your life is the day I die.
Of course I'm not the only one to have their day in court this summer. Steven Gerrard was also up in front of a judge. I find it truly ridiculous. First John Terry gets done for punching a bouncer and now this. They're English heroes, people. If they can't go around punching people in the face then who can? It's political correctness gone mad.
But we can put all this behind us now the football season is nearly here. It's been an exciting close season on the transfer front. Man City have spent big and not always wisely however I do think Gareth Barry will be a fine addition to their British contingent of Richards, Dunne and Given.
Man Utd have lost Ronaldo but have signed Michael Owen who I think has the ability to be even better than Ronaldo. He's suffered a lot with injuries but he's a proven goalscorer and he showed his true English grit by hating life in Madrid so much that he chose to live in Newcastle instead.
Of the other top four contenders Liverpool have the best chance and they will want to improve on last season and I think they have every chance. A friend told me this summer that he blamed Robbie Keane for Liverpool missing out last year. He called him an Irish buffoon. I was shocked and appalled. Robbie Keane is Irish? He's been lying to us all this time. Well Liverpool are better off without him.
You can't rule out Chelsea of course. With John Terry in defence they don't need any marquee signings. What loyalty he showed when he turned down Man City. Quite frankly City's attempts to just throw money at players to get them to play for a team with no history or pedigree is disgusting. John Terry is far better off at Chelsea.
Arsenal finished fourth last year but you can write them off this year. They've bought one player and he's foreign, young and not tall enough. When will they learn.
Finally what about the teams that have come up? Well I haven't really paid much attention to them in the past because everyone knows the Premiership is the only league that counts. However last time Birmingham were in the top flight they effectively ended Arsenal's push for the title when they broke Eduardo's leg so I felt it was harsh to force them to go down in the first place. Let's hope they maintain the violent tackling this season and stay up in the Premier league where they belong.
Here's to another year of gritty, determined football and horror challenges on fancy dans. That's what the British public want to see.
The Community Shield is less than a week away and the traditional curtain raiser will herald in a bright new season. In my day it was known as the Charity Shield which I found much more preferable. As an ex-footballer I was always more than happy to do my bit for charity. However, if I wanted to lend my services to the community I wouldn't have bribed the judge to let me off when I was up on a trumped up charge last month. The day I accept that it's illegal to follow your ex-wife back to her house, make a bivouac in her garden and scream up at her window about how she ruined your life is the day I die.
Of course I'm not the only one to have their day in court this summer. Steven Gerrard was also up in front of a judge. I find it truly ridiculous. First John Terry gets done for punching a bouncer and now this. They're English heroes, people. If they can't go around punching people in the face then who can? It's political correctness gone mad.
But we can put all this behind us now the football season is nearly here. It's been an exciting close season on the transfer front. Man City have spent big and not always wisely however I do think Gareth Barry will be a fine addition to their British contingent of Richards, Dunne and Given.
Man Utd have lost Ronaldo but have signed Michael Owen who I think has the ability to be even better than Ronaldo. He's suffered a lot with injuries but he's a proven goalscorer and he showed his true English grit by hating life in Madrid so much that he chose to live in Newcastle instead.
Of the other top four contenders Liverpool have the best chance and they will want to improve on last season and I think they have every chance. A friend told me this summer that he blamed Robbie Keane for Liverpool missing out last year. He called him an Irish buffoon. I was shocked and appalled. Robbie Keane is Irish? He's been lying to us all this time. Well Liverpool are better off without him.
You can't rule out Chelsea of course. With John Terry in defence they don't need any marquee signings. What loyalty he showed when he turned down Man City. Quite frankly City's attempts to just throw money at players to get them to play for a team with no history or pedigree is disgusting. John Terry is far better off at Chelsea.
Arsenal finished fourth last year but you can write them off this year. They've bought one player and he's foreign, young and not tall enough. When will they learn.
Finally what about the teams that have come up? Well I haven't really paid much attention to them in the past because everyone knows the Premiership is the only league that counts. However last time Birmingham were in the top flight they effectively ended Arsenal's push for the title when they broke Eduardo's leg so I felt it was harsh to force them to go down in the first place. Let's hope they maintain the violent tackling this season and stay up in the Premier league where they belong.
Here's to another year of gritty, determined football and horror challenges on fancy dans. That's what the British public want to see.
Friday 29 May 2009
Dave Pundit's FA Cup Final Prediction
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. The FA Cup is the ultimate footballing tournament. Unlike the Champions League it can't be tainted by foreigners using fancy dan passing moves. It can only be won by a true English team. It can also be won by true underdogs as Cardiff proved last year by coming runners up.
This year Everton are the underdogs but unlike Cardiff they aren't facing a rubbish team like Portsmouth, they're facing Chelsea. Let's not forget if it wasn't for Man Utd and Liverpool Chelsea would be the best team in England and therefore the world.
And they have John Terry. The FA Cup could have almost been made for John Terry. He is literally the grittiest player I have ever seen. I imagine he eats pure granite for breakfast, lunch and dinner and then has a cup of cocoa before bed, just to settle his iron stomach.
John Terry is so English he makes Richard The Lionheart look French. He's so British that he can only be described as a Brit because the 'ish' makes it look less definite. He's so strong he could arm wrestle Geoff Capes with his eyes. And win.
In fact I doubt John Terry has ever lost in his life. Maybe Man Utd could have done with him against Barcelona. I can't see Terry slipping up in a Champions League Final. And he certainly wouldn't have let Eto'o come inside him like Vidic did. No, if anything it would have been Terry shafting Eto'o, and I for one would've paid good money to see that.
John Terry is such an amazing leader that it doesn't even matter that Chelsea have a Dutch bloke for a manager. What do the Dutch know about football? In England we eat, drink and sleep football, it's in our blood. It's almost total football, what would the Dutch know about that? They're too busy smoking funny stuff to care. You wouldn't catch me poisoning myself like that. It'd probably play havoc with my new liver anyway.
Back to the match, I think it'll be close right up until kick off and then Chelsea will walk it. And when we see John Terry lift that famous trophy above his head we'll all be able to raise a glass to a true Englishman, safe in the knowledge that he'll celebrate his victory in a manner befitting the England captain. He'll get wasted and punch a bouncer.
Verdict Chelsea 2 - Everton 1
This year Everton are the underdogs but unlike Cardiff they aren't facing a rubbish team like Portsmouth, they're facing Chelsea. Let's not forget if it wasn't for Man Utd and Liverpool Chelsea would be the best team in England and therefore the world.
And they have John Terry. The FA Cup could have almost been made for John Terry. He is literally the grittiest player I have ever seen. I imagine he eats pure granite for breakfast, lunch and dinner and then has a cup of cocoa before bed, just to settle his iron stomach.
John Terry is so English he makes Richard The Lionheart look French. He's so British that he can only be described as a Brit because the 'ish' makes it look less definite. He's so strong he could arm wrestle Geoff Capes with his eyes. And win.
In fact I doubt John Terry has ever lost in his life. Maybe Man Utd could have done with him against Barcelona. I can't see Terry slipping up in a Champions League Final. And he certainly wouldn't have let Eto'o come inside him like Vidic did. No, if anything it would have been Terry shafting Eto'o, and I for one would've paid good money to see that.
John Terry is such an amazing leader that it doesn't even matter that Chelsea have a Dutch bloke for a manager. What do the Dutch know about football? In England we eat, drink and sleep football, it's in our blood. It's almost total football, what would the Dutch know about that? They're too busy smoking funny stuff to care. You wouldn't catch me poisoning myself like that. It'd probably play havoc with my new liver anyway.
Back to the match, I think it'll be close right up until kick off and then Chelsea will walk it. And when we see John Terry lift that famous trophy above his head we'll all be able to raise a glass to a true Englishman, safe in the knowledge that he'll celebrate his victory in a manner befitting the England captain. He'll get wasted and punch a bouncer.
Verdict Chelsea 2 - Everton 1
Wednesday 27 May 2009
Dave Pundit's Champion's League Final Prediction
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people think that the Champions League is the biggest trophy in world football. Those people are foreign. Other countries don't have such glorious competitions as the Premier League, the FA Cup and the Carling Cup.
I was actually offered tickets for the final but I didn't fancy it. I've been to Rome before it was awful, you couldn't get a good meal anywhere. I went to a restaurant and ordered a pizza and it was all thin and crunchy. Why do foreigners have to try and mess around with good old British food?
I've also heard that there is a ban on alcohol before the game. What a ludicrous rule that is. Quite frankly it was bad enough trying to play football sober without having to watch it without booze too.
Anyway as for the game itself I can't see anything other than a resounding victory for Man Utd. Barcelona have less English players than Arsenal. Where's the grit? Where's the determination? Where's the bulldog spirit? Wayne Rooney has the bulldog spirit. He even looks like a bulldog. None of the Barcelona team look like dogs. Not even poodles.
There is also the chance that Thierry Henry won't be able to play for Barcelona. Not that he'd make much difference. If he was good enough to play in England he'd have moved to an English club by now. But he hasn't which speaks volumes to me.
Verdict Man Utd 4 - Barcelona 1.
I was actually offered tickets for the final but I didn't fancy it. I've been to Rome before it was awful, you couldn't get a good meal anywhere. I went to a restaurant and ordered a pizza and it was all thin and crunchy. Why do foreigners have to try and mess around with good old British food?
I've also heard that there is a ban on alcohol before the game. What a ludicrous rule that is. Quite frankly it was bad enough trying to play football sober without having to watch it without booze too.
Anyway as for the game itself I can't see anything other than a resounding victory for Man Utd. Barcelona have less English players than Arsenal. Where's the grit? Where's the determination? Where's the bulldog spirit? Wayne Rooney has the bulldog spirit. He even looks like a bulldog. None of the Barcelona team look like dogs. Not even poodles.
There is also the chance that Thierry Henry won't be able to play for Barcelona. Not that he'd make much difference. If he was good enough to play in England he'd have moved to an English club by now. But he hasn't which speaks volumes to me.
Verdict Man Utd 4 - Barcelona 1.
Friday 22 May 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 24/05/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. The last day of the season is often one of the most tense days for the players. You just have to go out and play your natural game and hope you don't pick up a bad injury before your holiday to Spain. One year I broke three fingers on the last day of the season, it was awful, have you ever tried pinching a Spanish waitresses bum with your fingers wrapped in bandages. It's time like that I wish I was ambidextrous.
Arsenal v Stoke
Arsenal only have a couple of good players; Walcott and Gibbs but hopefully they'll be able to add to the English contingent over the summer either that or just go and play in France where they belong. Stoke have lots of tall players so they should give Arsenal's foreign midgets a hard time here.
Verdict 1-2
Aston Villa v Newcastle
Can Newcastle stay up? Yes. Do any of the other teams have a local hero managing them? No. Sometimes football is as simple as that. You can go around complicating it by not allowing back passes or two footed tackles but somethings never change and local heroes are one of those things. Look at Liverpool in their pomp players like Dalglish, Souness and Hansen would've given anything for their local club.
Verdict 0-1
Blackburn v West Brom
This will be West Brom's toughest challenge in their short Premier League careers. In some ways they're lucky they've already gone down you wouldn't want to go to fortress Ewood needing three points on the last day the only thing West Brom will get here is literally the most violent beating of their lives.
Verdict 2-0
Fulham v Everton
Fulham will be looking to secure the final Europa cup spot or whatever they're blooming calling it now. I mean what's the point of that? Who'd want to play in something called Europa? They could at least call it the Europa and Britain cup. I think our continent needs the recognition too.
Verdict 1-1
Hull v Man Utd
Will Man Utd field a weakened team? Who cares, they're the champions the can do what they like. What's the point in winning if you can't then treat the rest of the losers with contempt?
Verdict 0-2
Liverpool v Tottenham
Liverpool will have to be wary of Tottenham's British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane, I just hope Rafa has done his homework on them. Keane especially could be an unknown force to the Liverpool boss.
Verdict 2-1
Man City v Bolton
Does this game matter? Of course it does, it involves Bolton. Man City will know they've been in a game here. Unless they're unconscious, which is a possibility when facing the likes of Kevin Davies. Now I've stopped playing I can appreciate what these games are about; crippling an opposing player just because you've heard they'll be going somewhere nicer than you on holiday. What's wrong with two weeks on a cheap package holiday in Spain? Nothing. At least you can get a proper English breakfast.
Verdict 0-0
Sunderland v Chelsea
Poor Sunderland, the last day of the season and still needing 3 points to guarantee safety and then they come up against John Terry. Let's face it John Terry is as likely to give away three points as I am to give up my anal virginity.
Verdict 0-2
West Ham v Middlesbrough
I'd never ask for a manager's head but both these guys should go. Southgate because he's rubbish and Zola because he's an ugly little Italian midget. Both of them would probably rather see good, attractive football than the proper British game.
Verdict 1-1
Wigan v Portsmouth
You know what? Who cares?
Verdict 0-0
Arsenal v Stoke
Arsenal only have a couple of good players; Walcott and Gibbs but hopefully they'll be able to add to the English contingent over the summer either that or just go and play in France where they belong. Stoke have lots of tall players so they should give Arsenal's foreign midgets a hard time here.
Verdict 1-2
Aston Villa v Newcastle
Can Newcastle stay up? Yes. Do any of the other teams have a local hero managing them? No. Sometimes football is as simple as that. You can go around complicating it by not allowing back passes or two footed tackles but somethings never change and local heroes are one of those things. Look at Liverpool in their pomp players like Dalglish, Souness and Hansen would've given anything for their local club.
Verdict 0-1
Blackburn v West Brom
This will be West Brom's toughest challenge in their short Premier League careers. In some ways they're lucky they've already gone down you wouldn't want to go to fortress Ewood needing three points on the last day the only thing West Brom will get here is literally the most violent beating of their lives.
Verdict 2-0
Fulham v Everton
Fulham will be looking to secure the final Europa cup spot or whatever they're blooming calling it now. I mean what's the point of that? Who'd want to play in something called Europa? They could at least call it the Europa and Britain cup. I think our continent needs the recognition too.
Verdict 1-1
Hull v Man Utd
Will Man Utd field a weakened team? Who cares, they're the champions the can do what they like. What's the point in winning if you can't then treat the rest of the losers with contempt?
Verdict 0-2
Liverpool v Tottenham
Liverpool will have to be wary of Tottenham's British spine of Woodgate, Jenas and Keane, I just hope Rafa has done his homework on them. Keane especially could be an unknown force to the Liverpool boss.
Verdict 2-1
Man City v Bolton
Does this game matter? Of course it does, it involves Bolton. Man City will know they've been in a game here. Unless they're unconscious, which is a possibility when facing the likes of Kevin Davies. Now I've stopped playing I can appreciate what these games are about; crippling an opposing player just because you've heard they'll be going somewhere nicer than you on holiday. What's wrong with two weeks on a cheap package holiday in Spain? Nothing. At least you can get a proper English breakfast.
Verdict 0-0
Sunderland v Chelsea
Poor Sunderland, the last day of the season and still needing 3 points to guarantee safety and then they come up against John Terry. Let's face it John Terry is as likely to give away three points as I am to give up my anal virginity.
Verdict 0-2
West Ham v Middlesbrough
I'd never ask for a manager's head but both these guys should go. Southgate because he's rubbish and Zola because he's an ugly little Italian midget. Both of them would probably rather see good, attractive football than the proper British game.
Verdict 1-1
Wigan v Portsmouth
You know what? Who cares?
Verdict 0-0
Friday 15 May 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions17/05/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Like all footballers of my generation, and entirely unlike all the money grabbing, overpaid popinjays that play the game to day, I do my bit for charity. Only last week I gave a tramp a tenner to buy some beer. And when he got back I even let him have one.
Man Utd v Arsenal
Much to the disappointment of Liverpool fans everywhere I can't see anything but a Man Utd win here, meaning they'll retain the title. But Liverpool fans shouldn't blame their team. They should blame Arsenal. They just haven't got the guts to win this sort of game. They lack, what I would call, British players.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Hull
What a corker this match is going to be. Hull have everything to fight for whereas Bolton just like to fight. I think I'm literally going to explode with excitement.
Verdict 0-0
Everton v West Ham
A lot of people expect me to dislike Everton due to the almost six games I played for Liverpool. But Everton have two things going for them; they're northern and their manager is English. West Ham have neither of those things so I can't see anything other than win for the Toffees here.
Verdict 1-0
Middlesbrough v Aston Villa
After losing to Newcastle Middlesbrough are as good as down. But the chairman has stated that Gareth Southgate will keep his job. Why? He's clearly rubbish. He got you relegated for God's sake. Sack him. Sack him now.
Verdict 0-2
Newcastle v Fulham
I'd never want a manager to be sacked but when Joe Kinnear could no longer manage Newcastle it was good news for everyone. I just don't think Kinnear had enough heart for the job. Tactics and experience are all well and good but everyone knows that what a club needs is a good local boy to manage them. That's why Kenny Dalglish was so good at Liverpool. I back to Shearer to get the win here because I have no idea where Roy Hodgson is from.
Verdict 2-1
Stoke v Wigan
Both of these teams are playing for pride but unlike foreigners us Brits rate pride higher than actually winning stuff so this game should be a cracker. Rory Delap's throw could be the difference here if I'd had something that long and hard when I was playing I'd've put it to good effect too.
Verdict 1-0
Tottenham v Man City
Spurs are still pushing for Europe and Man City might be as well. I can't really remember. To be honest if it's not a title decider or a relegation dogfight at this stage of the season who cares? Well Robbie Keane probably does, like all good Brits he's a caring person. Not like foreigners. If foreigners were caring how do you explain Hitler?
Verdict 1-0
West Brom v Liverpool
Liverpool will fight to the very end, as long as there's mathematical hope they'll want to win the title. West Brom on the other hand are down and out. Not mathematically of course but that's not the sort of thing footballers think about.
Verdict 0-3
Chelsea v Blackburn
Chelsea would be wise to rest players for the FA cup here because lets face it, whoever you put out against one of Big Sam's team you can guarantee 50% will get injured. Not John Terry though, he doesn't need rest, he's like an insomniac on speed but in a good way.
Verdict 2-0
Portsmouth v Sunderland
Sunderland will be hoping that results will go there way over the weekend and they'll be safe by the time they play this match, if that's the case then no one will care about the result at all so I might as well predict something crazy.
Verdict 1-1
Man Utd v Arsenal
Much to the disappointment of Liverpool fans everywhere I can't see anything but a Man Utd win here, meaning they'll retain the title. But Liverpool fans shouldn't blame their team. They should blame Arsenal. They just haven't got the guts to win this sort of game. They lack, what I would call, British players.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Hull
What a corker this match is going to be. Hull have everything to fight for whereas Bolton just like to fight. I think I'm literally going to explode with excitement.
Verdict 0-0
Everton v West Ham
A lot of people expect me to dislike Everton due to the almost six games I played for Liverpool. But Everton have two things going for them; they're northern and their manager is English. West Ham have neither of those things so I can't see anything other than win for the Toffees here.
Verdict 1-0
Middlesbrough v Aston Villa
After losing to Newcastle Middlesbrough are as good as down. But the chairman has stated that Gareth Southgate will keep his job. Why? He's clearly rubbish. He got you relegated for God's sake. Sack him. Sack him now.
Verdict 0-2
Newcastle v Fulham
I'd never want a manager to be sacked but when Joe Kinnear could no longer manage Newcastle it was good news for everyone. I just don't think Kinnear had enough heart for the job. Tactics and experience are all well and good but everyone knows that what a club needs is a good local boy to manage them. That's why Kenny Dalglish was so good at Liverpool. I back to Shearer to get the win here because I have no idea where Roy Hodgson is from.
Verdict 2-1
Stoke v Wigan
Both of these teams are playing for pride but unlike foreigners us Brits rate pride higher than actually winning stuff so this game should be a cracker. Rory Delap's throw could be the difference here if I'd had something that long and hard when I was playing I'd've put it to good effect too.
Verdict 1-0
Tottenham v Man City
Spurs are still pushing for Europe and Man City might be as well. I can't really remember. To be honest if it's not a title decider or a relegation dogfight at this stage of the season who cares? Well Robbie Keane probably does, like all good Brits he's a caring person. Not like foreigners. If foreigners were caring how do you explain Hitler?
Verdict 1-0
West Brom v Liverpool
Liverpool will fight to the very end, as long as there's mathematical hope they'll want to win the title. West Brom on the other hand are down and out. Not mathematically of course but that's not the sort of thing footballers think about.
Verdict 0-3
Chelsea v Blackburn
Chelsea would be wise to rest players for the FA cup here because lets face it, whoever you put out against one of Big Sam's team you can guarantee 50% will get injured. Not John Terry though, he doesn't need rest, he's like an insomniac on speed but in a good way.
Verdict 2-0
Portsmouth v Sunderland
Sunderland will be hoping that results will go there way over the weekend and they'll be safe by the time they play this match, if that's the case then no one will care about the result at all so I might as well predict something crazy.
Verdict 1-1
Friday 8 May 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 09/05/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. As the season draws to a close we can only thank our lucky stars that we aren't Spanish, their season goes on for ages, or from some weird northern country like Norway. Their season has only just begun. Football's fantastic, don't get me wrong, but you don't want it to get in the way of summer days in a beer garden do you? Still some games still have some meaning so I suppose I should probably keep on predicting scores and stuff.
Blackburn v Portsmouth
Do you know I'd never heard of Paul Hart until he took over Pompey? And do you know why? It's because he's a nobody. Sam Allardyce on the other hand has the word 'big' as a prefix to his name therefore he must be a somebody. When I was at Tranmere they called me 'Dangerous' Dave, and not just because I nearly killed three squad members in a freak car accident. I also broke a guys leg in training. Nicknames are the way forward.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Sunderland
Sunderland have struggled more than a bag full of kittens thrown into a river recently. Whereas Bolton have fought like dogs to stay out of the relegation places. Let's face it we all know what happens when dogs fight cats, carnage. Let's hope that rings true for this game.
Verdict 1-1
Everton v Tottenham
Everton are virtually assured of a place in Europe next season but let's not take that away from them. They've been one of the four or five best teams in the country and I think sixth place will do their performances justice. However they may struggle against Spurs who, outside of the top four, are probably the best team in the country. Can Everton's defence match Robbie Keane for British steel? I think not.
Verdict 0-1
Fulham v Aston Villa
If you'd offered Villa 5th place at the start of the season they'd have bitten your hand off, so it's probably just as well you didn't offer it to them isn't it? Could you survive without a hand? I know I couldn't. I've been married three times, my hand is all the pleasure I get.
Verdict 1-1
Hull v Stoke
Stoke have done brilliantly to all but secure a Premiership place next season, but let's face it this is a lower league match and no amount of pundit flim-flammery is going to change that.
Verdict 0-1
West Brom v Wigan
Why West Brom maintain the pretence that they might stay up is beyond me. They can play all the lovely passing football they want but it wont win them games. I never learnt to pass in my life and I played for Liverpool almost six times. Wigan will stroll this one.
Verdict 0-0
West Ham v Liverpool
West Ham might as well not bother turning up for this one. Rafa Benitez is a good foot taller than Gianfranco Zola and the Liverpool team are even taller. They're literally heads and shoulders above West Ham.
Verdict 0-2
Man Utd v Man City
Sir Alex Ferguson v Mark Hughes. It's like an episode of The Apprentice if only Alan Sugar knew anything about football. Having said that, does Hughes have a knighthood? No. A Man Utd win it is. Sir Alan Sugar would probably approve, he looks like the sort of type who'd support Man Utd. Knights of the realm tend to stick together.
Verdict 2-1
Arsenal v Chelsea
Being knocked out of the semi-finals of the Champions League will have really knocked the stuffing out of Chelsea, so Arsenal will have the advantage here. However, they won't have John Terry. He's not the sort of player to miss out on a Champions League medal and cry about it. He's as strong as an ox. Maybe two. I'm not really sure how strong oxen are.
Verdict 1-2
Newcastle v Middlesbrough
It would be a cowardly pundit that predicted this make or break match to be a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Blackburn v Portsmouth
Do you know I'd never heard of Paul Hart until he took over Pompey? And do you know why? It's because he's a nobody. Sam Allardyce on the other hand has the word 'big' as a prefix to his name therefore he must be a somebody. When I was at Tranmere they called me 'Dangerous' Dave, and not just because I nearly killed three squad members in a freak car accident. I also broke a guys leg in training. Nicknames are the way forward.
Verdict 2-0
Bolton v Sunderland
Sunderland have struggled more than a bag full of kittens thrown into a river recently. Whereas Bolton have fought like dogs to stay out of the relegation places. Let's face it we all know what happens when dogs fight cats, carnage. Let's hope that rings true for this game.
Verdict 1-1
Everton v Tottenham
Everton are virtually assured of a place in Europe next season but let's not take that away from them. They've been one of the four or five best teams in the country and I think sixth place will do their performances justice. However they may struggle against Spurs who, outside of the top four, are probably the best team in the country. Can Everton's defence match Robbie Keane for British steel? I think not.
Verdict 0-1
Fulham v Aston Villa
If you'd offered Villa 5th place at the start of the season they'd have bitten your hand off, so it's probably just as well you didn't offer it to them isn't it? Could you survive without a hand? I know I couldn't. I've been married three times, my hand is all the pleasure I get.
Verdict 1-1
Hull v Stoke
Stoke have done brilliantly to all but secure a Premiership place next season, but let's face it this is a lower league match and no amount of pundit flim-flammery is going to change that.
Verdict 0-1
West Brom v Wigan
Why West Brom maintain the pretence that they might stay up is beyond me. They can play all the lovely passing football they want but it wont win them games. I never learnt to pass in my life and I played for Liverpool almost six times. Wigan will stroll this one.
Verdict 0-0
West Ham v Liverpool
West Ham might as well not bother turning up for this one. Rafa Benitez is a good foot taller than Gianfranco Zola and the Liverpool team are even taller. They're literally heads and shoulders above West Ham.
Verdict 0-2
Man Utd v Man City
Sir Alex Ferguson v Mark Hughes. It's like an episode of The Apprentice if only Alan Sugar knew anything about football. Having said that, does Hughes have a knighthood? No. A Man Utd win it is. Sir Alan Sugar would probably approve, he looks like the sort of type who'd support Man Utd. Knights of the realm tend to stick together.
Verdict 2-1
Arsenal v Chelsea
Being knocked out of the semi-finals of the Champions League will have really knocked the stuffing out of Chelsea, so Arsenal will have the advantage here. However, they won't have John Terry. He's not the sort of player to miss out on a Champions League medal and cry about it. He's as strong as an ox. Maybe two. I'm not really sure how strong oxen are.
Verdict 1-2
Newcastle v Middlesbrough
It would be a cowardly pundit that predicted this make or break match to be a draw.
Verdict 1-1
Tuesday 5 May 2009
Dave Pundit's Player Of The Year Nominees
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. I could of course make predictions for tonight's Champions League matches but everything I said in my last prediction still holds true. Man Utd and Chelsea will both win it's the only way to get the all-English final that football deserves. And I'd hate to be in danger of repeating myself. That's just not my style at all.
So instead of repeating myself - which is just not my style at all - I shall instead give you a list of the nominees for Dave Pundit's Player of The Year. The results will be revealed at the end of the season.
Steven Gerrard
Mr Liverpool has, as always, been fantastic. He can pick a pass, he can blaze a shot in from thirty yards and along with Jamie Carragher he single handedly won virtually all of Liverpool's games this season. Especially their stunning victory over Man Utd. Stevie G is not only a fantastic player he's also a fantastic example to the youngsters. In an age where foreigners will go down at the slightest hint of a touch Gerrard proves you don't have to dive to win matches. He's as honest as every good Scouser.
John Terry
If I didn't know better I'd swear John Terry was made entirely of grit. But I do know better. He's 50% grit, 50% determination and 50% hard work. Which all adds to 100% English lion. He's also the England captain which is fantastic, maybe by the next World Cup we'll be able to field an entire team of John Terry's. We'd be unbeatable, plus we wouldn't ever have the problem of having a player sent off because all referees know you can't send off the England captain.
Rio Ferdinand
A lot of people bemoan the loss of the beautiful game but I don't think anyone can question Ferdinand's beauty. But never let it be said he doesn't know how to win ugly. In fact he's taken over from Steve Bruce in the Man Utd defence in that department. And I can think of no higher compliment.
Ryan Giggs
He's old, so he deserves a mention.
Robbie Keane
You may be able to spot the major difference between Keane and the other nominees, he's the only one who isn't one of the big four. But it's about time one of them gave him a chance, he'd set the premiership alight at one of the big clubs. However he does fit in to the list in another respect he's a true British great. In fact I don't think anyone would be offended if I said he was as English as Oliver Cromwell.
So there you have it. My nominees for Player of the Year and unlike the so called 'official' awards these ones aren't ruined by a bunch of foreign fancy dan players ruining our game with their skill, precision and ability. What place do attributes like that have in a player of the year competition? No one ever won a match by playing good football.
So instead of repeating myself - which is just not my style at all - I shall instead give you a list of the nominees for Dave Pundit's Player of The Year. The results will be revealed at the end of the season.
Steven Gerrard
Mr Liverpool has, as always, been fantastic. He can pick a pass, he can blaze a shot in from thirty yards and along with Jamie Carragher he single handedly won virtually all of Liverpool's games this season. Especially their stunning victory over Man Utd. Stevie G is not only a fantastic player he's also a fantastic example to the youngsters. In an age where foreigners will go down at the slightest hint of a touch Gerrard proves you don't have to dive to win matches. He's as honest as every good Scouser.
John Terry
If I didn't know better I'd swear John Terry was made entirely of grit. But I do know better. He's 50% grit, 50% determination and 50% hard work. Which all adds to 100% English lion. He's also the England captain which is fantastic, maybe by the next World Cup we'll be able to field an entire team of John Terry's. We'd be unbeatable, plus we wouldn't ever have the problem of having a player sent off because all referees know you can't send off the England captain.
Rio Ferdinand
A lot of people bemoan the loss of the beautiful game but I don't think anyone can question Ferdinand's beauty. But never let it be said he doesn't know how to win ugly. In fact he's taken over from Steve Bruce in the Man Utd defence in that department. And I can think of no higher compliment.
Ryan Giggs
He's old, so he deserves a mention.
Robbie Keane
You may be able to spot the major difference between Keane and the other nominees, he's the only one who isn't one of the big four. But it's about time one of them gave him a chance, he'd set the premiership alight at one of the big clubs. However he does fit in to the list in another respect he's a true British great. In fact I don't think anyone would be offended if I said he was as English as Oliver Cromwell.
So there you have it. My nominees for Player of the Year and unlike the so called 'official' awards these ones aren't ruined by a bunch of foreign fancy dan players ruining our game with their skill, precision and ability. What place do attributes like that have in a player of the year competition? No one ever won a match by playing good football.
Thursday 30 April 2009
Dave Pundit's Predictions 02/05/09
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Last week my son, the Chester City youth player, got arrested for drink driving. I was livid. He didn't even tell me he was going to the pub. In my day footballers never got in trouble with the law, except for George Best obviously. And me a couple of times. But quite frankly if standing in the middle of a roundabout stark naked except for a maids apron and a traffic cone superglued to your head is illegal then they might as well just ban stag do's altogether.
Middlesbrough v Man Utd
A pundit's job is never easy, except in games like this.
Verdict 0-3
Chelsea v Fulham
Derby games aren't usually about technical skill as they are about violent tackles, gritty challenges and dirty fouls and no one suits that sort of game better than John Terry. John Terry is a derby match all on his own. And not just any old derby match, a proper one. With northern teams.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v Blackburn
Big Sam looks to have saved Blackburn from relegation which I for one never doubted for a second. The man's a tactical genius. He gets his team playing ugly, long ball football and it works. Why bother trying to work out other tactics when you've already perfected the best one? Mark Hughes could learn a thing or two from him. Stop faffing about trying to sign fancy dans like Kaka and Eto'o and get a good old English centre forward in. Is Geoff Horsfield still playing?
Verdict 1-1
Portsmouth v Arsenal
The most notable thing about this game is that it pits England's finest keeper, David James against some foreign bloke who thinks if he gets an English passport we'll pick him for the England team. Manuel Almunia, that's not an English name, and he's not an English man. Just because he has long sleeves on his keeper's jersey he's not fooling anyone, he's still a foreigner and as much as he wishes he came from a good country it just isn't going to happen. I hope he lets in a hatful.
Verdict 2-0
Stoke v West Ham
Tony Pulis has worked miracles at Stoke and in my eyes is a candidate for manager of the season after Alex Ferguson and Big Sam, of course. Gianfranco Zola on the other hand hasn't impressed me at all. If I wanted to see good football I'd move to Spain.
Verdict 1-0
Tottenham v West Brom
Redknapp is another contender for manager of the season. They only had two points when he took over. Can you believe that? That's literally the worst possible amount they could have had. Luckily our 'Arry had the nous to bring in Robbie Keane. When you're struggling it's always best to buy British.
Verdict 2-0
Wigan v Bolton
This has all the hallmarks of a classic. Neither team has anything to play for so hopefully they'll both go for it by sticking ten men behind the ball and just fouling anyone who tries to get it down and play. That's what English football is all about.
Verdict 0-0
Liverpool v Newcastle
It doesn't get any easier for Shearer. If he wasn't so damn brilliant I'd say Newcastle haven't got a prayer. Luckily he's like a messiah for them. Unfortunately Liverpool should have Stevie G back. He's more than a messiah, he's more like Jesus or something.
Verdict 2-1
Sunderland v Everton
Sunderland were awful against West Brom last week. West Brom! They're rubbish. If you're losing to that bunch of no-hopers you know you're in a bad way. I worry for Sunderland, I really do. They may have a Scot in charge but he's got a foreign name and I think it's affected his management skills. This one will go to the Scotsman with a proper name, good old David Moyes.
Verdict 0-1
Aston Villa v Hull
Both these teams started the season well but have finished poorly. Hull needed to be more consistent, like Stoke were. Sadly they haven't got anyone who can throw the ball really far so what chance have they got in football? I can see Villa getting back on track here.
Verdict 2-0
Middlesbrough v Man Utd
A pundit's job is never easy, except in games like this.
Verdict 0-3
Chelsea v Fulham
Derby games aren't usually about technical skill as they are about violent tackles, gritty challenges and dirty fouls and no one suits that sort of game better than John Terry. John Terry is a derby match all on his own. And not just any old derby match, a proper one. With northern teams.
Verdict 2-0
Man City v Blackburn
Big Sam looks to have saved Blackburn from relegation which I for one never doubted for a second. The man's a tactical genius. He gets his team playing ugly, long ball football and it works. Why bother trying to work out other tactics when you've already perfected the best one? Mark Hughes could learn a thing or two from him. Stop faffing about trying to sign fancy dans like Kaka and Eto'o and get a good old English centre forward in. Is Geoff Horsfield still playing?
Verdict 1-1
Portsmouth v Arsenal
The most notable thing about this game is that it pits England's finest keeper, David James against some foreign bloke who thinks if he gets an English passport we'll pick him for the England team. Manuel Almunia, that's not an English name, and he's not an English man. Just because he has long sleeves on his keeper's jersey he's not fooling anyone, he's still a foreigner and as much as he wishes he came from a good country it just isn't going to happen. I hope he lets in a hatful.
Verdict 2-0
Stoke v West Ham
Tony Pulis has worked miracles at Stoke and in my eyes is a candidate for manager of the season after Alex Ferguson and Big Sam, of course. Gianfranco Zola on the other hand hasn't impressed me at all. If I wanted to see good football I'd move to Spain.
Verdict 1-0
Tottenham v West Brom
Redknapp is another contender for manager of the season. They only had two points when he took over. Can you believe that? That's literally the worst possible amount they could have had. Luckily our 'Arry had the nous to bring in Robbie Keane. When you're struggling it's always best to buy British.
Verdict 2-0
Wigan v Bolton
This has all the hallmarks of a classic. Neither team has anything to play for so hopefully they'll both go for it by sticking ten men behind the ball and just fouling anyone who tries to get it down and play. That's what English football is all about.
Verdict 0-0
Liverpool v Newcastle
It doesn't get any easier for Shearer. If he wasn't so damn brilliant I'd say Newcastle haven't got a prayer. Luckily he's like a messiah for them. Unfortunately Liverpool should have Stevie G back. He's more than a messiah, he's more like Jesus or something.
Verdict 2-1
Sunderland v Everton
Sunderland were awful against West Brom last week. West Brom! They're rubbish. If you're losing to that bunch of no-hopers you know you're in a bad way. I worry for Sunderland, I really do. They may have a Scot in charge but he's got a foreign name and I think it's affected his management skills. This one will go to the Scotsman with a proper name, good old David Moyes.
Verdict 0-1
Aston Villa v Hull
Both these teams started the season well but have finished poorly. Hull needed to be more consistent, like Stoke were. Sadly they haven't got anyone who can throw the ball really far so what chance have they got in football? I can see Villa getting back on track here.
Verdict 2-0
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