Dave Pundit's Festive Predictions

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Or should I say ho ho ho, I'm Dave Pundit? Is there anything more British than Christmas? Christmas Trees, Candy Canes and the birth of Jesus it's like the history of England all in one day. I used to love training on Christmas Day, it's the only day of the year that everyone was as drunk as me. Plus it meant I didn't have to spend Christmas with my mum and two sisters. Ho ho ho.

Chelsea v Fulham
Derby games are always the toughest games to predict without exception. Except this one. Fulham are rubbish and Chelsea have John Terry. He may have the Metropolitan Police breathing down his neck but if anything it'll make him play better. He's faced controversy before but he always comes out of it whiter than white. He'll do the same here trust me.
Verdict: 3-0

Bolton v Newcastle
Bolton had a vital win against Blackburn but they really need to put some kind of run together now but they'll struggle against Newcastle. The Toon Army may be in freefall but the league table doesn't lie and they're literally the 7th best team in the league right now. I'd put my house on this game if it wasn't for the fact that I exchanged it with a bloke down the pub for five pound coins for the fruit machine. Worth it though I got a jackpot repeater.
Verdict: 0-1

Liverpool v Blackburn
Liverpool have come in for a lot of stick for their support of Luis Suarez but personally I think they were right to do it. If possible King Kenny has gone up in my estimation. He's like a double king now. King King Kenny. With KKK behind them, Liverpool will be on fire against Blackburn. They'll literally burn the blacks.
Verdict: 4-0

Man Utd v Wigan
Man Utd have started to hit a purple patch of form and there won't be any chancing of them slipping up here, no matter how icy it gets over Christmas. The very thought of Wigan getting any points at all against a side who are aiming for the top four is laughable. Ho ho ho.
Verdict: 3-1

Sunderland v Everton
What a Christmas cracker this game will be. Both sides have struggled this year but Martin O'Neill and David Moyes are two of the top managers in the league, they'll know that football isn't about playing well it's about grit, determination and being able to win ugly. In fact I doubt they know how to win any other way. It's just a shame that there can only be one winner here.
Verdict: 0-0

West Brom v Man City
To be honest Man City are so much better than West Brom it's not even worth making a prediction for this match, so I won't.
Verdict: 0-2

Stoke v Aston Villa
It's all been going wrong for Villa and it's difficult to see why. They've got a dour, sub-standard manager, they play defensive, ugly football regardless of the situation and they're full of mediocre players that you wouldn't remember if they punched you in the face. I can't see why they're not doing better, it's always worked wonders for Stoke.
Verdict: 1-0

Arsenal v Wolverhampton
If Robin Van Persie beats Alan Shearer's record for goals in a calendar year I'll eat my hat. It would be a travesty to end all travesties. We can't have a foreigner scoring more goals than Shearer. To make matters worse Van Persie isn't even a striker, I can't believe no ones pointed this out but to me he's more of a number 10. Shearer was a proper number 9. Nine is greater than ten, you just can't dispute that. Let's hope Wolves can do their British duty here.
Verdict: 0-1

Swansea v QPR
Poor QPR having to spend Christmas in Wales. Do they even celebrate Christmas there? Maybe but they probably call it Llanleekmas or something. I mean what's the deal with Wales having two languages anyway? Does Scotland have two languages? Does Ireland have two languages? No, the only otherpeople in Britain that have two languages is Cockneys, and why would you want to be like that bunch of berks?
Verdict: 0-2

Norwich v Tottenham
It's come to my attention that I have been using offensive terms when talking about Norwich games. I unreservedly apologise for any offence caused – this was never my intention. I'm not the sort of person who says things just to be offensive. I'm not like the likes of Frankie Boyle, Jimmy Carr or The Dalai Lama. Anyway back to the football, Tottenham will walk this one, that big, coloured chap they've got up front is scoring for fun at the moment.
Verdict: 0-2