Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Sorry for the lack of predictions at the weekend, I was rushed into hospital with suspected hypergonadism. Turns out it was just bruising from where I keep on sitting on myself. I've never felt more proud to be Britih when my doctor told me I had whacking great long balls.
Blackburn v Bolton
Talking of whacking great long balls lets hope we see a load of them here tonight. Sadly Scott Dann is injured, he'd be ideal to smash a ball upfield. Rumour has it that this could be Kean's last game in charge which I think is a shame, say what you like about Kean; that he's blind to everything going on at his club, that he couldn't manage for toffee and that his face is too small for his head but at least he's brought consistency to Blackburn. Bolton too have been very consistent this year but they can't both lose can they?
Verdict: 0-2
Wolverhampton v Norwich
Mick McCarthy is another manager under pressure and a win against Norwich here would certainly relieve the strain somewhat. I doubt Norwich fans will mind what the result is, they're just one big happy family down there.
Verdict: 1-0
Aston Villa v Arsenal
Aston Villa are very much a work in progress at the moment they've shown flashes of brilliance from the likes of Agbonlahor and Bent but Alex McLeish is slowly but surely managing to stifle that side of things and has them playing dour, defensive football with no attacking desire whatsoever. Good on you, ginge! Arsenal, of course, wouldn't know how to play dour football if their lives depended on it, and if I had my way it would.
Verdict: 0-0
Man City v Stoke
City did everyone a favour and ended Arsenal's unbeaten run at the weekend. City showed that just because you have a foreign manager and foreign owners doesn't mean you can't have a good English spine of Lescott, Milner and Hargreaves. They are the embodiment of how a big club should be run. Stoke will give City a far sterner test than Arsenal ever could but Stoke away is no Stoke at home.
Verdict: 2-1
Newcastle v West Brom
Newcastle have had a bit of a slump recently and it looks like they may struggle to end up in the top four. Still Newcastle fans are renowned for being sensible so I'm sure they'll understand that these things happen. Luckily they've got an excellent board behind them so I'm sure things will pick up soon, starting here against West Brom. Who's board clearly know nothing about the game otherwise they'd've never hired Roy Hodgson.
Verdict: 2-0
Everton v Swansea
I think it's obvious that David Moyes needs to splash the cash in January and I think he will. Before that though they should be able to beat Swansea. They may be Wales' finest but that's not much of a boast. It's a bit like saying you're the least shouty tourette's sufferer. No such problems at Everton, thank God.
Verdict: 2-0
Fulham v Man Utd
People say United haven't been in great form this season but they're still right up there at the top of the table. It's the sign of a good team that can play badly and still win, but they'll have to watch themselves, they've been playing better recently and I'm not sure playing well and winning is a sign of anything. I imagine they'll be bloody awful against Fulham though.
Verdict: 0-3
QPR v Sunderland
A couple of Sunderland players were arrested this week for causing criminal damage. Bendtner I expected it of, he's foreign. But Cattermole must have been led astray, I mean what possible need would he have to go out and break things when he's been doing it on the football pitch for years? He needs to buck up his ideas and get back to shattering foreigners legs if you ask me. Do QPR have any foreigners? I don't know and nor do I care.
Verdict: 1-1
Wigan v Liverpool
Wigan got lucky against Chelsea due to a goalkeeping error but you can't ever see Reina making one of those. Not with King Kenny behind him. Let's not forget he used to manage Bruce Grobelaar, and there was a keeper you could rely on. But to be honest I doubt Wigan will even get a sniff at goal in this match they'll be too busy defending against the might of Henderson, Downing and Carroll. This'll be a goalfest.
Verdict: 0-1
Tottenham v Chelsea
As Winston Churchill once said: "And now we're standing face to face, isn't this world a crazy place, just when I thought our chance had passed you go and save the best for last." He was quite a singer was our Winston. But this is clearly the big match of the week. 3rd vs 4th it doesn't come any bigger than that. It's literally a top of the table clash. The might of John Terry versus the wiles of Harry Redknapp, the British Bulldog spirit of Sir Jonathan of Terrence versus the Old English Sheepdog smarts of Lord 'Arry. It brings tear to the eye just thinking about it. But then, I did just sit down a bit too quick. They'll be talking about this match for years to come.
Verdict: 0-0
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Thursday, 8 December 2011
Dave Pundit's Predictions 10/12/11
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. When Jay Spearing got sent off last week Gary Neville got it spot on when he said 20 years ago that wouldn't even have been a foul. What he didn't mention was that 30 years ago the gaffer would've fined you a weeks wages for a tackle like that. Both feet off the ground and you still didn't break his legs? You're obviously not working hard enough in training.
Arsenal v Everton
Everton have struggled this season but this game should be a breeze, Arsenal were a shambles in midweek, quite frankly it's teams like Arsenal that are destroying England's reputation in Europe. If a Greek team can put three past them a Scouse team can get a shed load, even if they are the wrong kind of Scouse.
Verdict: 0-4
Bolton v Aston Villa
Both of these teams are in a patch of bad form at the moment that few would've predicted at the start of the season but, as they say, class is temporary, form is permanent, so I guess they'll both get relegated. I can't see this ending in anything but a draw.
Verdict: 0-1
Liverpool v QPR
The needless persecution of Liverpool continues with Suarez up on a charge for giving the crowd the finger. I think it's ridiculous the amount of abuse the players get it's not surprising they retaliate. I mean I can't even count the amount of times I fingered some bloke in the crowd. Once a week I'd imagine. I doubt that gesture even means the same in Paraguayan anyway. Unless the powers that be decide otherwise Liverpool should win this one.
Verdict: 2-0
Man Utd v Wolves
United were desperately unlucky in Europe this week, but the nation should still be proud of the fight they put up, they're a young team and those sort of games are a great learning experience. But, as Winston Churchill said, you can't win anything with kids. Still they'll get back on track here, Wolves are an inferior outfit and Man Utd just don't lose to lesser opposition.
Verdict: 3-1
Norwich v Newcastle
Newcastle have a tough run of games and I think they could struggle here too. The atmosphere at Carrow Road is intimidating to say the least, all those extra fingers makes the clapping much louder. Last time I was there I sat in the family section and that was bad enough, although in fairness the family section is the entire stadium.
Verdict: 2-1
Swansea v Fulham
People have accused me of being anti-Wales, nothing could be further from the truth it's far better than any foreign country, it's just my least favourite part of England. London comes a close second of course but in this game London just pips it.
Verdict: 0-1
West Brom v Wigan
It sounds like this game should be woeful. Full of dreary football, bad challenges and hoofed clearances, but no, both teams had to ruin it and hire foreigners who like to play "football" didn't they?
Verdict: 2-2
Sunderland v Blackburn
Now this is more like it! Neither of these teams have come close to playing "football" all season. Wonderful. When Sunderland sacked Bruce I worried they'd go down the foreigner route but no they've backed British. Well Irish really, but that's close enough. This will be a corker, trust me.
Verdict: 0-0
Stoke v Tottenham
Harry Redknapp won the manager of the month award for November, not bad considering he was off sick for two weeks. You wouldn't get a foreigner doing that, they just haven't got the heart. However if there's any team in the land that can stop Tottenham's charge it's Stoke. I'm not sure Tottenham have anyone can deal with Stoke's long balls. Not since Jenas left anyway.
Verdict: 1-0
Chelsea v Man City
Man City's foreign invasion ends here. They may have beaten all comers so far but they can't compete with John Terry, he's the bravest, truest, most honest-to-goodness English man since Richard the Lionheart. He wouldn't stand for invading someone else's country either. Chelsea will show Man City you can't buy the Premier League title.
Verdict: 2-0
Arsenal v Everton
Everton have struggled this season but this game should be a breeze, Arsenal were a shambles in midweek, quite frankly it's teams like Arsenal that are destroying England's reputation in Europe. If a Greek team can put three past them a Scouse team can get a shed load, even if they are the wrong kind of Scouse.
Verdict: 0-4
Bolton v Aston Villa
Both of these teams are in a patch of bad form at the moment that few would've predicted at the start of the season but, as they say, class is temporary, form is permanent, so I guess they'll both get relegated. I can't see this ending in anything but a draw.
Verdict: 0-1
Liverpool v QPR
The needless persecution of Liverpool continues with Suarez up on a charge for giving the crowd the finger. I think it's ridiculous the amount of abuse the players get it's not surprising they retaliate. I mean I can't even count the amount of times I fingered some bloke in the crowd. Once a week I'd imagine. I doubt that gesture even means the same in Paraguayan anyway. Unless the powers that be decide otherwise Liverpool should win this one.
Verdict: 2-0
Man Utd v Wolves
United were desperately unlucky in Europe this week, but the nation should still be proud of the fight they put up, they're a young team and those sort of games are a great learning experience. But, as Winston Churchill said, you can't win anything with kids. Still they'll get back on track here, Wolves are an inferior outfit and Man Utd just don't lose to lesser opposition.
Verdict: 3-1
Norwich v Newcastle
Newcastle have a tough run of games and I think they could struggle here too. The atmosphere at Carrow Road is intimidating to say the least, all those extra fingers makes the clapping much louder. Last time I was there I sat in the family section and that was bad enough, although in fairness the family section is the entire stadium.
Verdict: 2-1
Swansea v Fulham
People have accused me of being anti-Wales, nothing could be further from the truth it's far better than any foreign country, it's just my least favourite part of England. London comes a close second of course but in this game London just pips it.
Verdict: 0-1
West Brom v Wigan
It sounds like this game should be woeful. Full of dreary football, bad challenges and hoofed clearances, but no, both teams had to ruin it and hire foreigners who like to play "football" didn't they?
Verdict: 2-2
Sunderland v Blackburn
Now this is more like it! Neither of these teams have come close to playing "football" all season. Wonderful. When Sunderland sacked Bruce I worried they'd go down the foreigner route but no they've backed British. Well Irish really, but that's close enough. This will be a corker, trust me.
Verdict: 0-0
Stoke v Tottenham
Harry Redknapp won the manager of the month award for November, not bad considering he was off sick for two weeks. You wouldn't get a foreigner doing that, they just haven't got the heart. However if there's any team in the land that can stop Tottenham's charge it's Stoke. I'm not sure Tottenham have anyone can deal with Stoke's long balls. Not since Jenas left anyway.
Verdict: 1-0
Chelsea v Man City
Man City's foreign invasion ends here. They may have beaten all comers so far but they can't compete with John Terry, he's the bravest, truest, most honest-to-goodness English man since Richard the Lionheart. He wouldn't stand for invading someone else's country either. Chelsea will show Man City you can't buy the Premier League title.
Verdict: 2-0
Friday, 2 December 2011
Dave Pundit's Predictions 03/12/11
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. It was a sad week in football this week with the shock news of Gary Speed's untimely death. Depression is a terrible thing and at least in my day we had booze to silence the screaming voices in our heads, nowadays modern footballers aren't even allowed that. Rest in peace, Gary Speed, a model pro and one of the Premier League's true legends. I'm just amazed he never got an England call up.
Newcastle v Chelsea
Some of the furore around John Terry seems to have died down this week thanks partly to a ranting woman on a tram becoming the new figurehead for racism, but like John Terry I think she's been harshly judged. Surely advising people to move out of Croydon is just good common sense. Hopefully Chelsea can get their season back on track here against a Newcastle side who have proved they can't get a result against the top four teams in the last few weeks.
Verdict: 0-2
Blackburn v Swansea
It's the time of the season when the managerial merry go round starts but Steve Kean is safe as houses. Blackburn may be in dire straits at the moment but despite that I really can't see them losing here. They may be awful, but Blackburn could put out a reserve side here and play like they don't care about the Premier League and they'd still win. Their brute, English strength will always be better than anything Wales can throw at them.
Verdict: 1-0
Man City v Norwich
City have taken on all comers and won this season and I think it would be a stupid man who'd predict anything but a win for them here. And I'm not a stupid man. I think Man City will get a hatful here, but Norwich should just about be good enough to keep it to a score they can count on the fingers of one hand.
Verdict: 6-0
QPR v West Brom
QPR have done alright in since their promotion and I think they'll have enough to beat West Brom here, it could be a different story in January when I think they'll have a job keeping their star players. I've been impressed with Joey Barton, I think if he cut out some of the fancy passing and ball control and concentrated on being a bit more of a thug he could go far. I wouldn't be surprised if the likes of Newcastle made a bid for him.
Verdict: 2-1
Tottenham v Bolton
Harry Redknapp believes Spurs can go on and win the title, and if that happens then Harry should get a big, fat bonus from the chairman. Spurs have such a strong squad at the moment, he could probably play a bunch of kids and still beat all but the best teams in the world. Bolton on the other hand have become a shadow of their former selves under Owen Coyle. His insistence on trying to play football is at odds with everything Bolton stands for, the managerial merry go round has begun and he's well and truly on it.
Verdict: 2-0
Wigan v Arsenal
If there's one team that typifies everything that's wrong with having a foreign manager it's Wigan and also Arsenal. The managerial merry go round is spinning now and Martinez must be feeling dizzy. As Winston Churchill said "stop the world i want to get off." I bet that's how the Wigan manager feels right now, except Martinez is nothing like Winston Churchill, I bet he's never fought a German in his life. Arsene Wenger on the other hand probably doesn't even know where Germany is. If either team wins this game it's football that loses.
Verdict: 2-2
Aston Villa v Manchester United
Alex Ferguson said that the team that lost against Crystal Palace wasn't a Man Utd side. Which is odd. I'm surprised the United bosses let Ferguson manage another team to be honest. Still I'm sure we'll see a United team this week. A proper one with a British spine and an English collarbone and grit and determination running throughout. Man Utd are literally the living embodiment of England. Villa are ok, but they'd be better if they didn't have a Scotchman in charge. And a ginger one at that.
Verdict: 2-0
Everton v Stoke
Stoke will be on a high after qualifying for the next round of the Europa League. A lot of people think it's a pointless competition but any chance we get to prove that good old fashioned English football is far better than the technical, tactically astute rubbish they play on the continent is a good thing if you ask me. I can't see how Stoke's brilliant form in Europe won't translate to the league here.
Verdict: 0-1
Wolves v Sunderland
Sunderland set the managerial merry go round in motion this week when they sacked Steve Bruce, I think he was unlucky to be honest. It's not like he tried to make Sunderland and attractive team to watch or anything, plus he lost all his strikers from last season and that's bound to affect the team, they've been conceding far too many and as everyone knows the attack is the first line of defence. Without that first line they've been screwed. Mick McCarthy is another manager who is under pressure, again this is ridiculous. He's British for God's sake. Doesn't that mean anything anymore?
Verdict: 0-0
Fulham v Liverpool
Losing Lucas is obviously a blow for Liverpool but once again King Kenny has shown his managerial acumen, he bought about 12 midfielders in the summer just in case of this eventuality, what a man he is. I remember back when we were both at Liverpool and I nearly broke his leg in training, he turned to me and said "Dave, if you keep that up, I'm going to have to have a word with the gaffer about your future at this club." He could spot my talent even then, I could tell. I guess he never got the chance to speak to the boss though, I was sold to Tranmere the next week.
Verdict: 0-3
Newcastle v Chelsea
Some of the furore around John Terry seems to have died down this week thanks partly to a ranting woman on a tram becoming the new figurehead for racism, but like John Terry I think she's been harshly judged. Surely advising people to move out of Croydon is just good common sense. Hopefully Chelsea can get their season back on track here against a Newcastle side who have proved they can't get a result against the top four teams in the last few weeks.
Verdict: 0-2
Blackburn v Swansea
It's the time of the season when the managerial merry go round starts but Steve Kean is safe as houses. Blackburn may be in dire straits at the moment but despite that I really can't see them losing here. They may be awful, but Blackburn could put out a reserve side here and play like they don't care about the Premier League and they'd still win. Their brute, English strength will always be better than anything Wales can throw at them.
Verdict: 1-0
Man City v Norwich
City have taken on all comers and won this season and I think it would be a stupid man who'd predict anything but a win for them here. And I'm not a stupid man. I think Man City will get a hatful here, but Norwich should just about be good enough to keep it to a score they can count on the fingers of one hand.
Verdict: 6-0
QPR v West Brom
QPR have done alright in since their promotion and I think they'll have enough to beat West Brom here, it could be a different story in January when I think they'll have a job keeping their star players. I've been impressed with Joey Barton, I think if he cut out some of the fancy passing and ball control and concentrated on being a bit more of a thug he could go far. I wouldn't be surprised if the likes of Newcastle made a bid for him.
Verdict: 2-1
Tottenham v Bolton
Harry Redknapp believes Spurs can go on and win the title, and if that happens then Harry should get a big, fat bonus from the chairman. Spurs have such a strong squad at the moment, he could probably play a bunch of kids and still beat all but the best teams in the world. Bolton on the other hand have become a shadow of their former selves under Owen Coyle. His insistence on trying to play football is at odds with everything Bolton stands for, the managerial merry go round has begun and he's well and truly on it.
Verdict: 2-0
Wigan v Arsenal
If there's one team that typifies everything that's wrong with having a foreign manager it's Wigan and also Arsenal. The managerial merry go round is spinning now and Martinez must be feeling dizzy. As Winston Churchill said "stop the world i want to get off." I bet that's how the Wigan manager feels right now, except Martinez is nothing like Winston Churchill, I bet he's never fought a German in his life. Arsene Wenger on the other hand probably doesn't even know where Germany is. If either team wins this game it's football that loses.
Verdict: 2-2
Aston Villa v Manchester United
Alex Ferguson said that the team that lost against Crystal Palace wasn't a Man Utd side. Which is odd. I'm surprised the United bosses let Ferguson manage another team to be honest. Still I'm sure we'll see a United team this week. A proper one with a British spine and an English collarbone and grit and determination running throughout. Man Utd are literally the living embodiment of England. Villa are ok, but they'd be better if they didn't have a Scotchman in charge. And a ginger one at that.
Verdict: 2-0
Everton v Stoke
Stoke will be on a high after qualifying for the next round of the Europa League. A lot of people think it's a pointless competition but any chance we get to prove that good old fashioned English football is far better than the technical, tactically astute rubbish they play on the continent is a good thing if you ask me. I can't see how Stoke's brilliant form in Europe won't translate to the league here.
Verdict: 0-1
Wolves v Sunderland
Sunderland set the managerial merry go round in motion this week when they sacked Steve Bruce, I think he was unlucky to be honest. It's not like he tried to make Sunderland and attractive team to watch or anything, plus he lost all his strikers from last season and that's bound to affect the team, they've been conceding far too many and as everyone knows the attack is the first line of defence. Without that first line they've been screwed. Mick McCarthy is another manager who is under pressure, again this is ridiculous. He's British for God's sake. Doesn't that mean anything anymore?
Verdict: 0-0
Fulham v Liverpool
Losing Lucas is obviously a blow for Liverpool but once again King Kenny has shown his managerial acumen, he bought about 12 midfielders in the summer just in case of this eventuality, what a man he is. I remember back when we were both at Liverpool and I nearly broke his leg in training, he turned to me and said "Dave, if you keep that up, I'm going to have to have a word with the gaffer about your future at this club." He could spot my talent even then, I could tell. I guess he never got the chance to speak to the boss though, I was sold to Tranmere the next week.
Verdict: 0-3
Friday, 25 November 2011
Dave Pundit's Predictions 26/11/11
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. It was a terrible week for all the English clubs in Europe. Not one of them has qualified for the last 16 yet and to rub salt into the wound Arsenal did. It's a Ryan Giggs of a situation: a shocking state of affairs. Hopefully the return to proper English football will bring more joy. As Winston Churchill said "Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win." So it doesn't look good for old unbeaten Arsenal does it?
Stoke v Blackburn
So often the early game on a Saturday is one of the big clubs trouncing one of the minnows so it's refreshing to see this real clash of the Titans. Neither team is in particularly good form at the moment so hopefully they will get back to the basics of grinding out a result without ever playing anything resembling football. And if we're really lucky we might get to see one of the truly great sights in football; Rory Delap flinging the ball at Peter Crouch's head and it ricocheting into the net. Glorious.
Verdict: 1-1
Bolton v Everton
Neither of these teams will be happy with their start to the season and they've both made too many individual errors, the main one being attempting to play football. I think Bolton could struggle all season but at least Everton have a Scotchman at the helm so he can bring a bit of British grit to proceedings. Still he could do with splashing the cash a bit more, Everton are a big club and big clubs should spend the money they earn instead of sitting on there profits. Football is not a business, Bill Kenwright, you'd do well to remember that.
Verdict: 0-2
Chelsea v Wolves
I recently put Andre Villas Boas into Google translate and it turns out in English his name is Andrew Houses Snakes. Unfortunately at the moment his Chelsea team lacks venom. Not John Terry though, he's like a viper with a lions head, heart, and body. If anyone can show the resilience to drag Chelsea back after losing to a bunch of Germans it's John Terry. He has absolutely no resemblence to any German ever, living or dead. He's more English than the English Channel, more British than British Steel and more United Kingdom than the King, whoever he is.
Verdict: 3-0
Man Utd v Newcastle
Newcastle have got a very difficult run games at the moment and it's a shame it's coincided with their worst run of form of the season. I can't see them winning here, Man Utd might not be playing brilliantly at the moment but it's a sign of the truly great teams that you keep winning even when you're not actually very good. But Newcastle are a well run club and it's refreshing to see a proper fan in charge rather than some faceless corporation so I think they'll pull themselves out of this slump before long.
Verdict: 1-0
Norwich v QPR
Norwich may have lost last week but it's these sort of games that are the ones that count for them, it's important to win your home games. Whatever happens though I'm sure the fans are enjoying the ride in their first shot at the big time. I heard of an entire family of Norwich fans who went last week Mother, Father, Son, Daughter, Aunt, Uncle, Grandparents, Grandchildren and all four of them loved it. Good on them.
Verdict: 2-1
Sunderland v Wigan
Now I'm not the sort of pundit who would ever call for a manager to be sacked but Steve Bruce is under real pressure at the moment. Luckily he's up against an equally poor Wigan side led by Roberto Martinez, who should be sacked.
Verdict: 2-0
West Brom v Tottenham
I mentioned Google Translate earlier I'd never heard of it until recently, Steve Claridge suggested it might be useful to help me understand Roy Hodgson's interviews. Unfortunately Google Translate doesn't seem to know what language he's speaking either. Harry Redknapp only speaks one language however: football. And football is a language is that is spoken from the heart and no one has a stronger footballing heart than Harry Redknapp. I honestly can't see this game being too taxing for a man of his character.
Verdict: 0-2
Arsenal v Fulham
There have been accusations that Arsenal are a one man team and to some extent those accusations are true. Can you imagine if they didn't have Theo Walcott? They'd be completely foreign. It's a big burden for the lad but he's been going to World Cups with England since he was teenager so he'll know how to handle pressure, gambling and shagging around. I still hope Fulham beat them though. Foreign Jessies.
Verdict: 0-1
Swansea v Aston Villa
Villa got their tactics all wrong for the Tottenham game last week but that shouldn't be a problem here. The Welsh wouldn't know a tactic if it kicked them in the balls. Which is probably what Alan Hutton is going to do. Marvellous.
Verdict: 0-3
Liverpool v Man City
Man City's unbeaten run ends here. After their humiliating defeat to Napoli in midweek, the blows will keep on coming. I mean where is Napoli anyway? I've never heard of it and I've been to Italy, I've heard of Rome, Milan, Turin and Naples, but Napoli? It's probably some pokey little village in the middle of nowhere. Much like Manchester in fact. Liverpool will have too much for them, trust me. It'll be a black day for City's defence when they face Suarez.
Verdict: 2-1
Stoke v Blackburn
So often the early game on a Saturday is one of the big clubs trouncing one of the minnows so it's refreshing to see this real clash of the Titans. Neither team is in particularly good form at the moment so hopefully they will get back to the basics of grinding out a result without ever playing anything resembling football. And if we're really lucky we might get to see one of the truly great sights in football; Rory Delap flinging the ball at Peter Crouch's head and it ricocheting into the net. Glorious.
Verdict: 1-1
Bolton v Everton
Neither of these teams will be happy with their start to the season and they've both made too many individual errors, the main one being attempting to play football. I think Bolton could struggle all season but at least Everton have a Scotchman at the helm so he can bring a bit of British grit to proceedings. Still he could do with splashing the cash a bit more, Everton are a big club and big clubs should spend the money they earn instead of sitting on there profits. Football is not a business, Bill Kenwright, you'd do well to remember that.
Verdict: 0-2
Chelsea v Wolves
I recently put Andre Villas Boas into Google translate and it turns out in English his name is Andrew Houses Snakes. Unfortunately at the moment his Chelsea team lacks venom. Not John Terry though, he's like a viper with a lions head, heart, and body. If anyone can show the resilience to drag Chelsea back after losing to a bunch of Germans it's John Terry. He has absolutely no resemblence to any German ever, living or dead. He's more English than the English Channel, more British than British Steel and more United Kingdom than the King, whoever he is.
Verdict: 3-0
Man Utd v Newcastle
Newcastle have got a very difficult run games at the moment and it's a shame it's coincided with their worst run of form of the season. I can't see them winning here, Man Utd might not be playing brilliantly at the moment but it's a sign of the truly great teams that you keep winning even when you're not actually very good. But Newcastle are a well run club and it's refreshing to see a proper fan in charge rather than some faceless corporation so I think they'll pull themselves out of this slump before long.
Verdict: 1-0
Norwich v QPR
Norwich may have lost last week but it's these sort of games that are the ones that count for them, it's important to win your home games. Whatever happens though I'm sure the fans are enjoying the ride in their first shot at the big time. I heard of an entire family of Norwich fans who went last week Mother, Father, Son, Daughter, Aunt, Uncle, Grandparents, Grandchildren and all four of them loved it. Good on them.
Verdict: 2-1
Sunderland v Wigan
Now I'm not the sort of pundit who would ever call for a manager to be sacked but Steve Bruce is under real pressure at the moment. Luckily he's up against an equally poor Wigan side led by Roberto Martinez, who should be sacked.
Verdict: 2-0
West Brom v Tottenham
I mentioned Google Translate earlier I'd never heard of it until recently, Steve Claridge suggested it might be useful to help me understand Roy Hodgson's interviews. Unfortunately Google Translate doesn't seem to know what language he's speaking either. Harry Redknapp only speaks one language however: football. And football is a language is that is spoken from the heart and no one has a stronger footballing heart than Harry Redknapp. I honestly can't see this game being too taxing for a man of his character.
Verdict: 0-2
Arsenal v Fulham
There have been accusations that Arsenal are a one man team and to some extent those accusations are true. Can you imagine if they didn't have Theo Walcott? They'd be completely foreign. It's a big burden for the lad but he's been going to World Cups with England since he was teenager so he'll know how to handle pressure, gambling and shagging around. I still hope Fulham beat them though. Foreign Jessies.
Verdict: 0-1
Swansea v Aston Villa
Villa got their tactics all wrong for the Tottenham game last week but that shouldn't be a problem here. The Welsh wouldn't know a tactic if it kicked them in the balls. Which is probably what Alan Hutton is going to do. Marvellous.
Verdict: 0-3
Liverpool v Man City
Man City's unbeaten run ends here. After their humiliating defeat to Napoli in midweek, the blows will keep on coming. I mean where is Napoli anyway? I've never heard of it and I've been to Italy, I've heard of Rome, Milan, Turin and Naples, but Napoli? It's probably some pokey little village in the middle of nowhere. Much like Manchester in fact. Liverpool will have too much for them, trust me. It'll be a black day for City's defence when they face Suarez.
Verdict: 2-1
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Dave Pundit's Predictions 19/11/11
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. I see this week Sepp Blatter has posted pictures of him hugging Tokyo Sexwale. It's no big deal, who hasn't got drunk and woken up in a Japanese brothel? He's also got himself embroiled in the ongoing race row,and I think we can all agree that racism is a cancer in football and Sepp Blatter is dealing with this cancer in exactly the right way, ignoring it and hoping it goes away.
Norwich v Arsenal
After Arsenal's poor start they have won a couple on the trot recently but hopefully they can get back on track here against a Norwich team who, like Burnley and Blackpool before them have made a great start to their first ever season in top flight football.
Verdict: 2-1
Everton v Wolves
This literally is a must win game for both teams, a loss here would mean that either team would only be left with 27 games in which to turn their season around and could leave them in a battle for the midtable places. With a win here and a good run of form they could be challenging for about 9th or 10th.
Verdict: 2-0
Man City v Newcastle
So Tevez has gone walkabout to Argentina again? It's no surprise to me anyone could see, even when he was at West Ham that he was trouble. I hope Mancini has learnt his lesson here, no top manager, Sir Alex Ferguson for example, would ever have touched him with a bargepole. As far as this match goes these are the only two unbeaten teams left in the league but one of them will have to lose that record here.
Verdict: 1-1
Stoke v QPR
This is the sort of game that sets the Premiership apart from all othe leagues in world football. A few years ago this would have been a lower league clash, played in an awful stadium with no flair or technical skill on display. It would've been dour and dull and uncultured and probably won by the odd goal from a long ball. And finally that fantastic prospect has reached the Premier League.
Verdict: 1-0
Sunderland v Fulham
It is clear that Sunderland have struggled since they lost Darren Bent to Villa. It's hard to bring in someone who can get you the goals that Bent gets and Sunderland don't have the money to just go out and get an Andy Carroll or a Fernando Torres like the big teams do. Fulham have their own English goal machine in Bobby Zamora who is carving a niche for himself in the national team which, after beating Spain, is clearly the best in the world. I honestly think Zamora could be the next Emile Heskey.
Verdict: 0-1
West Brom v Bolton
Look at the fates of the last three Liverpool managers, Houllier had a heart attack and for all I know is now dead, Benitez will probably never work again and Roy Hodgson is the worst off getting stuck in the Black Country. All this points to one thing, Liverpool should stop hiring foreigners. Bolton finally got a win under their belts last time out and I'm sure that fantastic run of will continue here.
Verdict: 0-0
Wigan v Blackburn
This is already a real relegation tussle and a loss for either team could spell the end for the manager. That would be a real shame for Steve Kean who has all the attributes to be the next Tony Pulis but it's really time someone put Martinez out of his misery and sent him home to Italy.
Verdict: 1-2
Swansea v Man Utd
I used to know a Welshman, he was a nice chap, until he took me out on the pull with him. Now I've slept with the odd sexwhale in my time but I draw the line at sheep! That's a joke of course. I've never met a nice Welshman. Let's hope they get crushed by Man Utd's thoroughly nice spine of Ferdinand, Rooney and Giggs.
Chelsea v Liverpool
What ought to have been billed as the game of the season has been overshadowed by this daft race row. It's truly ludicrous to believe that someone of John Terry's pedigree would be involved in something like this, he is a true leader of men someone who should be celebrated, there should be a party thrown in his honour party in this country. A British national party. And in my book there's still no better defender in the land, yes he's still the top dog when it comes to the English defence league. As for Suarez well he might be racist, he is foreign after all, but if you can't sweep things under the carpet for the most successful team in the country who can you sweep them under the carpet for?
Verdict: 1-1
Tottenham v Aston Villa
On a personal level Harry Redknapp must be on cloud nine at the moment. He can clearly do no wrong and he'll feel like no harm could ever befall him the way Spurs are playing. As Winston Churchill once said "He's walking on sunshine, whoa oo, and don't it feel good?" As for Alex McLeish, he's alright for a ginge, but he's no 'Arry is he?
Verdict: 3-1
Norwich v Arsenal
After Arsenal's poor start they have won a couple on the trot recently but hopefully they can get back on track here against a Norwich team who, like Burnley and Blackpool before them have made a great start to their first ever season in top flight football.
Verdict: 2-1
Everton v Wolves
This literally is a must win game for both teams, a loss here would mean that either team would only be left with 27 games in which to turn their season around and could leave them in a battle for the midtable places. With a win here and a good run of form they could be challenging for about 9th or 10th.
Verdict: 2-0
Man City v Newcastle
So Tevez has gone walkabout to Argentina again? It's no surprise to me anyone could see, even when he was at West Ham that he was trouble. I hope Mancini has learnt his lesson here, no top manager, Sir Alex Ferguson for example, would ever have touched him with a bargepole. As far as this match goes these are the only two unbeaten teams left in the league but one of them will have to lose that record here.
Verdict: 1-1
Stoke v QPR
This is the sort of game that sets the Premiership apart from all othe leagues in world football. A few years ago this would have been a lower league clash, played in an awful stadium with no flair or technical skill on display. It would've been dour and dull and uncultured and probably won by the odd goal from a long ball. And finally that fantastic prospect has reached the Premier League.
Verdict: 1-0
Sunderland v Fulham
It is clear that Sunderland have struggled since they lost Darren Bent to Villa. It's hard to bring in someone who can get you the goals that Bent gets and Sunderland don't have the money to just go out and get an Andy Carroll or a Fernando Torres like the big teams do. Fulham have their own English goal machine in Bobby Zamora who is carving a niche for himself in the national team which, after beating Spain, is clearly the best in the world. I honestly think Zamora could be the next Emile Heskey.
Verdict: 0-1
West Brom v Bolton
Look at the fates of the last three Liverpool managers, Houllier had a heart attack and for all I know is now dead, Benitez will probably never work again and Roy Hodgson is the worst off getting stuck in the Black Country. All this points to one thing, Liverpool should stop hiring foreigners. Bolton finally got a win under their belts last time out and I'm sure that fantastic run of will continue here.
Verdict: 0-0
Wigan v Blackburn
This is already a real relegation tussle and a loss for either team could spell the end for the manager. That would be a real shame for Steve Kean who has all the attributes to be the next Tony Pulis but it's really time someone put Martinez out of his misery and sent him home to Italy.
Verdict: 1-2
Swansea v Man Utd
I used to know a Welshman, he was a nice chap, until he took me out on the pull with him. Now I've slept with the odd sexwhale in my time but I draw the line at sheep! That's a joke of course. I've never met a nice Welshman. Let's hope they get crushed by Man Utd's thoroughly nice spine of Ferdinand, Rooney and Giggs.
Chelsea v Liverpool
What ought to have been billed as the game of the season has been overshadowed by this daft race row. It's truly ludicrous to believe that someone of John Terry's pedigree would be involved in something like this, he is a true leader of men someone who should be celebrated, there should be a party thrown in his honour party in this country. A British national party. And in my book there's still no better defender in the land, yes he's still the top dog when it comes to the English defence league. As for Suarez well he might be racist, he is foreign after all, but if you can't sweep things under the carpet for the most successful team in the country who can you sweep them under the carpet for?
Verdict: 1-1
Tottenham v Aston Villa
On a personal level Harry Redknapp must be on cloud nine at the moment. He can clearly do no wrong and he'll feel like no harm could ever befall him the way Spurs are playing. As Winston Churchill once said "He's walking on sunshine, whoa oo, and don't it feel good?" As for Alex McLeish, he's alright for a ginge, but he's no 'Arry is he?
Verdict: 3-1
Friday, 11 November 2011
Dave Pundit on Rememberance Day
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. There are no Premier League fixtures this week so I've decided not to do any predictions for them. It's one of the golden rules of punditry, really. If there aren't any games don't stick your neck out. Of course there are the international games but how long does it take to predict that all the home nations will win against whatever dross they're playing against?
So instead I've decided to talk about the poppy debacle that has been running this week. Quite frankly I can't believe there was ever an issue with the England team wearing poppies. It's political correctness gone mad if you ask me. The poppy is a symbol of the brave people who fought and died for this country and our equally brave footballers, like John Terry, aren't allowed to wear a poppy in case they offend a German? It's a blooming disgrace.
I mean, excuse me, but who won the war? That's right it was us. And if that upsets some Germans well they shouldn't have started the war in the first place. Quite frankly I think the England team should wear poppies all year round. I mean if you can't win a war and then mock the losers what's the point in war?
I also don't understand the mentality of people who refuse to wear poppies. Don't they realise people died for them? People fought and died for freedom of speech and they can't even be bothered to wear a poppy? I think it should be compulsory for all British people to wear a poppy. In fact each nationality and race should have their own symbol and be forced to wear it at all times just to make identifying them easier. That'll remind everyone why we fought the fascists in the first place.
On a personal note I do like to do my bit for charity, only this week a poor young urchin came up to me and pointed at my moustache and asked if I was doing Movember. I gave him 50p and told him to spend it on speech therapy lessons, it's November you daft little idiot. Never let it be said that I don't have compassion for the spastics.
Course you're not supposed to call them that now are you? They've had their name changed to retards or something haven't they? I can't abide all this changing of names, Eastlands is now the Etihad stadium, St James's Park is now the Sport Direct Arena where will it end? I blame Arsenal and their poppy-burning sponsors. That's where this all started, whatever happened to traditional names like Old Trafford, Anfield or The Reebok?
The worst thing is that I've heard Chelsea are going to change the name of Stamford Bridge. It's an outrage. Unless they go with the suggestion I've sent them: The John Terry Grithole.
Right that's it for now, I'll look forward to watching the England match with all the England players wearing their poppies with pride as they give the Spaniards their worst defeat since the Armarda.
So instead I've decided to talk about the poppy debacle that has been running this week. Quite frankly I can't believe there was ever an issue with the England team wearing poppies. It's political correctness gone mad if you ask me. The poppy is a symbol of the brave people who fought and died for this country and our equally brave footballers, like John Terry, aren't allowed to wear a poppy in case they offend a German? It's a blooming disgrace.
I mean, excuse me, but who won the war? That's right it was us. And if that upsets some Germans well they shouldn't have started the war in the first place. Quite frankly I think the England team should wear poppies all year round. I mean if you can't win a war and then mock the losers what's the point in war?
I also don't understand the mentality of people who refuse to wear poppies. Don't they realise people died for them? People fought and died for freedom of speech and they can't even be bothered to wear a poppy? I think it should be compulsory for all British people to wear a poppy. In fact each nationality and race should have their own symbol and be forced to wear it at all times just to make identifying them easier. That'll remind everyone why we fought the fascists in the first place.
On a personal note I do like to do my bit for charity, only this week a poor young urchin came up to me and pointed at my moustache and asked if I was doing Movember. I gave him 50p and told him to spend it on speech therapy lessons, it's November you daft little idiot. Never let it be said that I don't have compassion for the spastics.
Course you're not supposed to call them that now are you? They've had their name changed to retards or something haven't they? I can't abide all this changing of names, Eastlands is now the Etihad stadium, St James's Park is now the Sport Direct Arena where will it end? I blame Arsenal and their poppy-burning sponsors. That's where this all started, whatever happened to traditional names like Old Trafford, Anfield or The Reebok?
The worst thing is that I've heard Chelsea are going to change the name of Stamford Bridge. It's an outrage. Unless they go with the suggestion I've sent them: The John Terry Grithole.
Right that's it for now, I'll look forward to watching the England match with all the England players wearing their poppies with pride as they give the Spaniards their worst defeat since the Armarda.
Friday, 4 November 2011
Dave Pundit's Predictions 05/11/11
Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. This weekend sees Sir Alex Ferguson celebrate his 25th anniversary as Manchester United. You can't argue with his pedigree but I think he faces his toughest challenge ahead. How will he cope with the spending power of Man City? He must be livid when he looks at Man City buying the title, it goes against everything Sir Alex stands for. Still 25 years as a manager is pretty good going. I reckon he'd know enough to have a go at punditry now.
Newcastle v Everton
It's hard to see Newcastle getting beaten at the moment, they're working hard for each other as a team and they're playing some lovely football so surely it can't be long before some team puts the boot in and stops them in their tracks. I'm just not sure Everton have got enough cloggers in their team to do the job, which is a shame.
Verdict: 2-1
Arsenal v West Brom
Arsenal are in a terrible run of form at the moment and I genuinely can't remember the last time they kept a clean sheet in any competition. Yes, they beat Chelsea last week but they still conceded three goals, you can't concede that many and still consider yourself a good team. However even Arsenal should have too much for West Brom, who are surely kicking themselves for hiring a foreign manager.
Verdict: 3-2
Aston Villa v Norwich
Villa fans weren't happy when McLeish was appointed as there manager and it's easy to see why. No one likes a ginger. But what they forgot was the fact that he's Scotch and as Alex Ferguson has shown if there's one thing the Scotch can do is drink heavily and they can also manage a bit too. I think his nationality is what will give McLeish the edge in this game.
Verdict: 1-0
Blackburn v Chelsea
Chelsea slipped up against Arsenal last week but they won't slip up again. John Terry will see to that, John Terry doesn't make slip ups. Right now he has the weight the of the world on his shoulders but he'll stay tall like the upstanding British hero he is. Chelsea won't slump to another defeat with him leading them.
Verdict: 0-3
Liverpool v Swansea
Luis Suarez is THE outstanding striker in the Premier League bar none at the moment, and I reckon he'll fill his boots here against the leek eating, valley dwellers. Let's face it the Welsh might be able to produce good male voice choirs but that doesn't mean they can play football. Look at Liverpool, no musical heritage at all but we're the most successful team in the world.
Verdict: 1-0
Man Utd v Sunderland
What can you say about Alex Ferguson that hasn't already been said? That he eats babies. But that's not true, he's not Arsene Wenger. Credit where credit's due Alex Ferguson has performed miracles at Man Utd and made them the second most successful club in the country, if Steve Bruce could do half of what Sir Alex has done then he wouldn't be managing Sunderland.
Verdict: 2-0
QPR v Man City
Neil Warnock has been in trouble this week for saying his players defended like fairies. And quite right to, there's no room for homophobia in football. But if his team don't tighten up at the back they could leave themselves open to the likes of Silva playing in the hole. If they're not careful they could get royally shafted, the bunch of pansies.
Verdict: 0-3
Wolves v Wigan
Both these teams are facing tough times but as Winston Churchill once said "when the going gets tough, the tough get going. And I can see Wolves getting going here because they're tough whereas Wigan are literally the opposite of toughL: foreign. They're a disgrace to the North.
Verdict: 1-0
Bolton v Stoke
Against Newcastle last week Stoke looked dull, uninspired, lacking in ideas and had to resort to route one football, which just goes to show you can do everything right and still lose. Away from home though they've been distinctly average. Luckily Bolton this season have been worse than average, they've been ordinary.
Verdict: 1-2
Fulham v Tottenham
Poor Harry Redknapp has had to undergo heart surgery this week, which is a fairly drastic measure to get out of having to watch Europa League football. Having had my fair share of surgery though what I want to know is how did he jump the waiting lists? I'd say he slipped someone a few quid but that's not harry's style. Still the Spurs boys will know exactly what to do to give Harry the best get well present: nip to Tescos and buy a bottle of cheap gin. And they'll probably win this match too witch might cheer him up.
Verdict: 0-2
Newcastle v Everton
It's hard to see Newcastle getting beaten at the moment, they're working hard for each other as a team and they're playing some lovely football so surely it can't be long before some team puts the boot in and stops them in their tracks. I'm just not sure Everton have got enough cloggers in their team to do the job, which is a shame.
Verdict: 2-1
Arsenal v West Brom
Arsenal are in a terrible run of form at the moment and I genuinely can't remember the last time they kept a clean sheet in any competition. Yes, they beat Chelsea last week but they still conceded three goals, you can't concede that many and still consider yourself a good team. However even Arsenal should have too much for West Brom, who are surely kicking themselves for hiring a foreign manager.
Verdict: 3-2
Aston Villa v Norwich
Villa fans weren't happy when McLeish was appointed as there manager and it's easy to see why. No one likes a ginger. But what they forgot was the fact that he's Scotch and as Alex Ferguson has shown if there's one thing the Scotch can do is drink heavily and they can also manage a bit too. I think his nationality is what will give McLeish the edge in this game.
Verdict: 1-0
Blackburn v Chelsea
Chelsea slipped up against Arsenal last week but they won't slip up again. John Terry will see to that, John Terry doesn't make slip ups. Right now he has the weight the of the world on his shoulders but he'll stay tall like the upstanding British hero he is. Chelsea won't slump to another defeat with him leading them.
Verdict: 0-3
Liverpool v Swansea
Luis Suarez is THE outstanding striker in the Premier League bar none at the moment, and I reckon he'll fill his boots here against the leek eating, valley dwellers. Let's face it the Welsh might be able to produce good male voice choirs but that doesn't mean they can play football. Look at Liverpool, no musical heritage at all but we're the most successful team in the world.
Verdict: 1-0
Man Utd v Sunderland
What can you say about Alex Ferguson that hasn't already been said? That he eats babies. But that's not true, he's not Arsene Wenger. Credit where credit's due Alex Ferguson has performed miracles at Man Utd and made them the second most successful club in the country, if Steve Bruce could do half of what Sir Alex has done then he wouldn't be managing Sunderland.
Verdict: 2-0
QPR v Man City
Neil Warnock has been in trouble this week for saying his players defended like fairies. And quite right to, there's no room for homophobia in football. But if his team don't tighten up at the back they could leave themselves open to the likes of Silva playing in the hole. If they're not careful they could get royally shafted, the bunch of pansies.
Verdict: 0-3
Wolves v Wigan
Both these teams are facing tough times but as Winston Churchill once said "when the going gets tough, the tough get going. And I can see Wolves getting going here because they're tough whereas Wigan are literally the opposite of toughL: foreign. They're a disgrace to the North.
Verdict: 1-0
Bolton v Stoke
Against Newcastle last week Stoke looked dull, uninspired, lacking in ideas and had to resort to route one football, which just goes to show you can do everything right and still lose. Away from home though they've been distinctly average. Luckily Bolton this season have been worse than average, they've been ordinary.
Verdict: 1-2
Fulham v Tottenham
Poor Harry Redknapp has had to undergo heart surgery this week, which is a fairly drastic measure to get out of having to watch Europa League football. Having had my fair share of surgery though what I want to know is how did he jump the waiting lists? I'd say he slipped someone a few quid but that's not harry's style. Still the Spurs boys will know exactly what to do to give Harry the best get well present: nip to Tescos and buy a bottle of cheap gin. And they'll probably win this match too witch might cheer him up.
Verdict: 0-2
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