Dave Pundit on Rememberance Day

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. There are no Premier League fixtures this week so I've decided not to do any predictions for them. It's one of the golden rules of punditry, really. If there aren't any games don't stick your neck out. Of course there are the international games but how long does it take to predict that all the home nations will win against whatever dross they're playing against?

So instead I've decided to talk about the poppy debacle that has been running this week. Quite frankly I can't believe there was ever an issue with the England team wearing poppies. It's political correctness gone mad if you ask me. The poppy is a symbol of the brave people who fought and died for this country and our equally brave footballers, like John Terry, aren't allowed to wear a poppy in case they offend a German? It's a blooming disgrace.

I mean, excuse me, but who won the war? That's right it was us. And if that upsets some Germans well they shouldn't have started the war in the first place. Quite frankly I think the England team should wear poppies all year round. I mean if you can't win a war and then mock the losers what's the point in war?

I also don't understand the mentality of people who refuse to wear poppies. Don't they realise people died for them? People fought and died for freedom of speech and they can't even be bothered to wear a poppy? I think it should be compulsory for all British people to wear a poppy. In fact each nationality and race should have their own symbol and be forced to wear it at all times just to make identifying them easier. That'll remind everyone why we fought the fascists in the first place.

On a personal note I do like to do my bit for charity, only this week a poor young urchin came up to me and pointed at my moustache and asked if I was doing Movember. I gave him 50p and told him to spend it on speech therapy lessons, it's November you daft little idiot. Never let it be said that I don't have compassion for the spastics.

Course you're not supposed to call them that now are you? They've had their name changed to retards or something haven't they? I can't abide all this changing of names, Eastlands is now the Etihad stadium, St James's Park is now the Sport Direct Arena where will it end? I blame Arsenal and their poppy-burning sponsors. That's where this all started, whatever happened to traditional names like Old Trafford, Anfield or The Reebok?

The worst thing is that I've heard Chelsea are going to change the name of Stamford Bridge. It's an outrage. Unless they go with the suggestion I've sent them: The John Terry Grithole.

Right that's it for now, I'll look forward to watching the England match with all the England players wearing their poppies with pride as they give the Spaniards their worst defeat since the Armarda.

Dave Pundit On The New Season

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. People often ask me how do I get through the dull, monotony of the summer without football to keep me entertained. Well it's really quite simple. When I get to the pub in the morning I go straight on to hard liquor rather than having a few beers first like I would during the season.

The Community Shield is less than a week away and the traditional curtain raiser will herald in a bright new season. In my day it was known as the Charity Shield which I found much more preferable. As an ex-footballer I was always more than happy to do my bit for charity. However, if I wanted to lend my services to the community I wouldn't have bribed the judge to let me off when I was up on a trumped up charge last month. The day I accept that it's illegal to follow your ex-wife back to her house, make a bivouac in her garden and scream up at her window about how she ruined your life is the day I die.

Of course I'm not the only one to have their day in court this summer. Steven Gerrard was also up in front of a judge. I find it truly ridiculous. First John Terry gets done for punching a bouncer and now this. They're English heroes, people. If they can't go around punching people in the face then who can? It's political correctness gone mad.

But we can put all this behind us now the football season is nearly here. It's been an exciting close season on the transfer front. Man City have spent big and not always wisely however I do think Gareth Barry will be a fine addition to their British contingent of Richards, Dunne and Given.

Man Utd have lost Ronaldo but have signed Michael Owen who I think has the ability to be even better than Ronaldo. He's suffered a lot with injuries but he's a proven goalscorer and he showed his true English grit by hating life in Madrid so much that he chose to live in Newcastle instead.

Of the other top four contenders Liverpool have the best chance and they will want to improve on last season and I think they have every chance. A friend told me this summer that he blamed Robbie Keane for Liverpool missing out last year. He called him an Irish buffoon. I was shocked and appalled. Robbie Keane is Irish? He's been lying to us all this time. Well Liverpool are better off without him.

You can't rule out Chelsea of course. With John Terry in defence they don't need any marquee signings. What loyalty he showed when he turned down Man City. Quite frankly City's attempts to just throw money at players to get them to play for a team with no history or pedigree is disgusting. John Terry is far better off at Chelsea.

Arsenal finished fourth last year but you can write them off this year. They've bought one player and he's foreign, young and not tall enough. When will they learn.

Finally what about the teams that have come up? Well I haven't really paid much attention to them in the past because everyone knows the Premiership is the only league that counts. However last time Birmingham were in the top flight they effectively ended Arsenal's push for the title when they broke Eduardo's leg so I felt it was harsh to force them to go down in the first place. Let's hope they maintain the violent tackling this season and stay up in the Premier league where they belong.

Here's to another year of gritty, determined football and horror challenges on fancy dans. That's what the British public want to see.

Dave Pundit on the Champions League Semi-Finals

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. This week sees some of the most exciting fixtures the Champions League has ever produced. If it carries on like this every year it may become almost as good as our very own cup competitions.

Three out of the four teams still in it are English which proves that we have the best league in the world. Barcelona have been lucky to get to this stage as they haven't had to face any English - and therefore good - teams. Let's face it if you can't beat a German team then you don't deserve to be in the competition to start with. You wouldn't find any English teams losing to kraut opposition, no matter what competition it was.

Barcelona v Chelsea
Chelsea have the relatively easy task of knocking out the Spaniards. Many people point to threat of Messi but I think Chelsea can contain the little Brazilian. I mean he's a shortarse isn't he? I doubt he even knows how to head a ball and that's a fundamental skill. Of course, Chelsea are missing Ashley Cole and he would have easily coped with Messi, I just don't think Messi would know how to deal with Ashley's tackle. Especially if it came from behind. But even without Cole Chelsea still have the rock that is John Terry. No one gets past John Terry he's like the Great Wall of China, except he's English. The Great Wall of Chelsea maybe. He has all the best attributes of a wall; strong, reliable and totally immobile. However he has to be careful of the referees in Europe, they don't seem to have the required respect for him as the England captain, and as such aren't influenced by him the way English refs are. It's disgraceful really but when you have a Frenchman in charge of UEFA what do you expect?
Verdict 0-2

Man Utd v Arsenal
Now I'm no fan of Arsenal, but I am a patriotic Englishman so I always support them in Europe. But luckily they're facing Man Utd here so I don't have to. Both teams will be strong going forward but it will be the defence that makes the difference. Utd have probably got the best defence in Europe, full of British greats like Rio Ferdinand, Gary Neville and John O'Shea. Whereas Arsenal rely on Frenchmen like Clichy, Toure and Silvestre. I mean let's face it someone like Silvestre would never play for a team like Man Utd. Man Utd have also had the best possible preparation for this game after demolishing Tottenham who being form North London are like the English equivalent of Arsenal. The Gunners on the other hand had a lucky win against Middlesbrough, who despite starting with an M are nothing like Man Utd.
Verdict 2-1

Finally I'd like to mention Liverpool. Despite not making the Semi Finals they are clearly one of the top four teams in Europe and they should have been in the mix but as ever UEFA fixed the draw to stop an all-English Semi Final. It's a travesty. Liverpool won it in 2005, they should be their by rights. I mean when was the last time Barcelona won it? Where's the justice?

Dave Pundit on International Football

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Nothing makes a footballer prouder than when he gets asked to represent his country. Or in my case the country of their estranged Grandfather. Not just any old Tom, Dick or Harry can play international football, you have to be born in a proper country for a start. I mean pointless little places like Goa, Gibraltar and Uruguay don't have football teams and rightly so. It's not like any of them could ever win a World Cup could they?

When I got the call up to the Northern ireland squad for the first time I was thrilled. It was like I'd finally fulfilled my destiny. I always knew I would play at the top level of the game. Some people are born with natural talent and some people have to slog their guts out to acquire it. I did both. I also had fantastic support from my mother. She encouraged me to play football every night after school. I'd get home and she'd have locked the door so that I wouldn't come in and start watching the telly. And on the rare occassions she'd leave the door open she'd always be entertaining one of my millions of Uncles upstairs and wouldn't want to be disturbed so I'd grab my ball and head down the park.

As I said though it wasn't just hard work. To be an international footballer you also need two things that you're either born with or you're not; grit and determination and I have both in spades. In fact my mother often used to say "Dave, you're a total grit." especially if she'd had a couple of rum-and-peps.

Many people ask me wouldn't I have prefered to have played for England and I reply it doesn't matter which country you play for as long as they're British. Because as we all know all us Brits are the same, just ask the Scots. And anyway, some of the best English players don't play their international football for England. Robbie Keane for instance.

This week we some truly mouth-watering international fixtures. I won't insult your intelligence by predicting the matches, it's obvious the British teams will all win. If anyone can spot a match that could cause any of the home nations any kind of problems they're a better pundit than me. Which of course they're not, because I'm an ex-pro and I've got a diploma in Punditry.

Dave Pundit on Diouf

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Many people have been condemning Diouf's tackle on Manuel Almunia in the Arsenal v Blackburn game yesterday. I feel it's time to set the record straight. Firstly we have to realise that Diouf is foreign, the English game doesn't come naturally to him, but he launched himself into that challenge as if he'd been born and bred in good old blighty. It'd bring a tear to my I if I wasn't so damn rugged.

Secondly we have to think about who he was tackling. Manuel Almunia. Arsenal's keeper. Now in my day keeper's were fair game. You could elbow them in the face, bundle them over the line or leap in from 10 feet away with no chance of getting the ball and it was all perfectly acceptable. Nowadays however goalkeepers get far too much protection, the slightest foul and they get a freekick. The simple fact is that Diouf was just playing a good old fashioned style of football whereas Almunia was running around outside his area as if he was a fullback.

In my eyes if Almunia is going to go around acting like a proper footballer instead of a goalkeeper he should expect to get tackled like a real footballer. So let's hear it for Diouf for his attempts to fit into the British game and let's stop sympathising with a Spanish keeper who is under the deluded belief, common amongst Arsenal players, that people come to matches to see football being played.